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Thread: What does she want from me? I think I ruined her feelings towards me

  1. #1
    wildstorms's Avatar
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    Default What does she want from me? I think I ruined her feelings towards me

    Diving right in, I met this girl 3 days ago at my work orientation, long story short I K - closed her within 2 hours during the orientation, N - closed her and Made out with her multiple times, flirting was heavy.

    Problem is I didn't see this coming and my lack of experience and even thought process is wrecking me here. I'm still new to the whole boyfriend - girlfriend thing, never had a real one that I got so sexual with. Very new I've really been reading and practicing to understand social dynamics and inner game, this is the furthest I've ever gotten with a girl on my own effort.

    She's sort of really attached but I knew how bad my phone game was so I didn't think about later I just wanted to get in as much as I could in the moment. (Very beta I know)

    I barely texted her first and second day ( I hate phone game, its very impersonal and I'm bad at it) She slowly started to get very serious very quickly bringing up her grandmother who's not well and how she's alone and I fell into it like a fool, and told her I wanted to meet her grandmother and that she wanted only to bring her future husband not some guy, foolish me thinking I had nothing to lose I said yes, she then got very need saying things like you don't even talk to me you barely even text me blah blah. Then foolish me again asking my natural friend he said I needed to tell her I'm vulnerable and I don't want to jump into things and so,( he didn't know I had that exchange with her about being so serious with her) stupid me again now its like I backed off completely, and she started paragraphing me over text after that.

    It wasn't a bad thing at first cause she completely blew up and I had no idea what to say and my friend saved me there a little with some softening texts that I would not have known how to deliver.
    and then things sort of changed, she got very serious very fast, like I cant get emotional responses over text unless its something very serious, deep and emotional. I told her I don't like texting and I want to see her and so she understands and wants to do something today I don't know what to do.

    Going into pua I always keep my frame alpha.

    But deep inside I'm a big softie on the inside. And now without warning its gotten to the point where I'm emotionally involved, which is what I was trying my best not to do, its tearing me up inside I don't know what to say I didn't think it would have gotten past day 1 so I squandered it all on stupid thoughts. She's only into talking about extremely deep thngs about her like abuse in the past, family, and I can't talk to her without getting hurt in each text she says now.

    I'm sorry for I do not know what I have done due to my lack of experience , what is she thinking? Is there a way to salvage this?
    What do I do and say at this point, I feel like its already over but she's still talking to me. I barely slept thinking of her I set my alarm and woke up this morning just to say good morning to her, and show her that I'm there, also if shes considering me such a serious guy , Do I need to big time boost the number of texts I send her throughout the day? All help is appreciated, thanks

  2. #2
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does she want from me? I think I ruined her feelings towards me

    its tearing me up inside I don't know what to say I didn't think it would have gotten past day 1 so I squandered it all on stupid thoughts. She's only into talking about extremely deep thngs about her like abuse in the past, family, and I can't talk to her without getting hurt in each text she says now.
    so full of self doubt.

    the truth is that "what you say" doesn't matter very much, you're attitude about it is what will make the biggest difference.

    instead of being like " I don't know what to say" you need to think to yourself " it doesn't matter what I say as long as I'm in the moment and say something"


    She's only into talking about extremely deep thngs about her like abuse in the past, family, and I can't talk to her without getting hurt in each text she says now.
    she sounds like the kind of girl who likes to play victim in her life. you absolutely cannot fall into the trap of being the "therapist friend" you need to change the topic every time that she brings up emotional baggage, tell her to save it for her autobiography.

    I'm sure you're a nice guy and all, but sometimes you have to be tough with girls. (even the ones you have strong feelings towards)

    ( I hate phone game, its very impersonal and I'm bad at it)
    this is another limiting belief, if you think you're bad at phone game, it will be a self fulfilling prophecy. (negative beliefs often cause us to fail ourselves inadvertently)

    I myself am not a big fan of all the madness of texting girls and trying to sound genuine without being able to use my amazing eyes or my cheeky smile, but that does not cause me to doubt my ability to use texting as a tool.

    I realize that phone game is just a reflection of "in-person" game. wich is why I like to tell myself "my phone game rocks, even though I prefer actually seeing the person, texting beats using Morris code"

    I feel like its already over but she's still talking to me
    its not over, she's still talking to you. so next time you see her, show some interest after she says something interesting about herself and don't be afraid to tell her all the naughty things you want to do to her. (that is what will get you the yes or no answer to the question of "does she still like me")

    and lastly

    Do I need to big time boost the number of texts I send her throughout the day?
    hell no!

    don't get all clingy with her, you shouldn't text her any more than 3 or 4 times a week.

    and since you're not a big fan of text game, I would suggest mostly using your phone only to set up meet ups.

  3. #3
    wildstorms's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does she want from me? I think I ruined her feelings towards me

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    so full of self doubt.

    the truth is that "what you say" doesn't matter very much, you're attitude about it is what will make the biggest difference.

    instead of being like " I don't know what to say" you need to think to yourself " it doesn't matter what I say as long as I'm in the moment and say something"




    she sounds like the kind of girl who likes to play victim in her life. you absolutely cannot fall into the trap of being the "therapist friend" you need to change the topic every time that she brings up emotional baggage, tell her to save it for her autobiography.

    I'm sure you're a nice guy and all, but sometimes you have to be tough with girls. (even the ones you have strong feelings towards)



    this is another limiting belief, if you think you're bad at phone game, it will be a self fulfilling prophecy. (negative beliefs often cause us to fail ourselves inadvertently)

    I myself am not a big fan of all the madness of texting girls and trying to sound genuine without being able to use my amazing eyes or my cheeky smile, but that does not cause me to doubt my ability to use texting as a tool.

    I realize that phone game is just a reflection of "in-person" game. wich is why I like to tell myself "my phone game rocks, even though I prefer actually seeing the person, texting beats using Morris code"



    its not over, she's still talking to you. so next time you see her, show some interest after she says something interesting about herself and don't be afraid to tell her all the naughty things you want to do to her. (that is what will get you the yes or no answer to the question of "does she still like me")

    and lastly



    hell no!

    don't get all clingy with her, you shouldn't text her any more than 3 or 4 times a week.

    and since you're not a big fan of text game, I would suggest mostly using your phone only to set up meet ups.
    Thanks for that brother, really needed that. Appreciate it very much.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: What does she want from me? I think I ruined her feelings towards me

    As usual meteora covers a lot and it very thorough. I do want to add that you need to give yourself some value here and remember that she's got to work for you just as much as you're working for her in any kind of relationship. In some cases there should be a balanced level of investment. Like gifts--no om really deserves any gifts unless they've earned it--and sometimes birthday gifts apply to this rule. This is a great example because it shows the idea of exchanging worth and showing your feelings towards them. You dont want to give every person a gift--that would just make your gift less cool or precious. So apply that to how much you're willing to invest into someone.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: What does she want from me? I think I ruined her feelings towards me

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    As usual meteora covers a lot and it very thorough. I do want to add that you need to give yourself some value here and remember that she's got to work for you just as much as you're working for her in any kind of relationship. In some cases there should be a balanced level of investment. Like gifts--no om really deserves any gifts unless they've earned it--and sometimes birthday gifts apply to this rule. This is a great example because it shows the idea of exchanging worth and showing your feelings towards them. You dont want to give every person a gift--that would just make your gift less cool or precious. So apply that to how much you're willing to invest into someone.

    Thanks for going even deeper into the matter Artandale. I realize that I don't give myself any self worth in the matter. It becomes a parasite slowly eating away and making me weaker as I continuously spiral into failure. What are some ways that I can bounce back at this point. She has pretty much all the power right now, she is so wack. Keeps asking when we are going to meet as that is what I push for through texting, but every time I do she kind of flakes, so this Friday we made plans and I flaked on her instead, now shes complaining about how I don't text her enough.(just ignored her for 2 days - really needy, that's kind of good?). and using me flaking agaisnt me naturally, Not enough attraction built over phone though, is my guess?

    What are some ways I can stay relevant, build substance in the relationship, and get her to start chasing and reverse the script here? Any specific philosophy that is recommended here or otherwise?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: What does she want from me? I think I ruined her feelings towards me

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post

    she brings up emotional baggage, tell her to save it for her autobiography.
    I could not stop dying of laughter when I read that, made my day. You the man bro

  7. #7
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    Default Re: What does she want from me? I think I ruined her feelings towards me

    Not enough attraction built over phone though, is my guess?
    more like "not enough attraction built before you got her number"

    so this Friday we made plans and I flaked on her instead, now shes complaining about how I don't text her enough.
    good move. flaking on a girl every now and then shows her that you're not desperate to meet her.

    What are some ways I can stay relevant, build substance in the relationship, and get her to start chasing and reverse the script here? Any specific philosophy that is recommended here or otherwise?
    1. stay relevant by staying in contact with her a few times a week.

    2. build substance by increasing the connection you have with her (building more comfort)

    3. get her to chase you by not always being available to her and by mentioning other girls you hang out with (there are more than one.. right?...)

    also you should use qualifiers and challenges to get her to make more effort in your "relationship"

    4. flip the script by acting like she's the one chasing you (and don't be afraid to tell her that)

    5. the best philosophical advice I can give you is a david x quote

    "I am the most important person in my relationships"

    once you truly believe that phrase, nothing she can say or do will ever make you feel needy or cowardly towards her.

    or otherwise?
    my extra piece of advice for you is simple, always work towards making yourself more valuable.

    never stop improving yourself, and never stop loving yourself. you can't go wrong doing those two things.


    btw,
    I could not stop dying of laughter when I read that, made my day. You the man bro
    you're welcome

  8. #8
    wildstorms's Avatar
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    Default Re: What does she want from me? I think I ruined her feelings towards me

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    more like "not enough attraction built before you got her number"



    good move. flaking on a girl every now and then shows her that you're not desperate to meet her.



    1. stay relevant by staying in contact with her a few times a week.

    2. build substance by increasing the connection you have with her (building more comfort)

    3. get her to chase you by not always being available to her and by mentioning other girls you hang out with (there are more than one.. right?...)

    also you should use qualifiers and challenges to get her to make more effort in your "relationship"

    4. flip the script by acting like she's the one chasing you (and don't be afraid to tell her that)

    5. the best philosophical advice I can give you is a david x quote

    "I am the most important person in my relationships"

    once you truly believe that phrase, nothing she can say or do will ever make you feel needy or cowardly towards her.



    my extra piece of advice for you is simple, always work towards making yourself more valuable.

    never stop improving yourself, and never stop loving yourself. you can't go wrong doing those two things.


    btw,


    you're welcome

    GOLDEN! So in-depth and specific, thanks for the love.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: What does she want from me? I think I ruined her feelings towards me

    Daam I'm really blind, ok I have massive sh1t tests now, ugh fark me. Basically we were supposed to be dating and I never texted her and talked much to her and its been 2 weeks, we only see eachother at work and make out but I havent been able to get her out( I failed to build an emotional connection with her,ugh), and now I'm really F@RKED because she told me some other guy at work asked her out for Saturday and she doesn't want to cancel and said I could take her out on Sunday instead. WTF? So my game is weak here, what did I do wrong there is massive problems and I'm drowning in them, no clue what to do...

    I overthink things and use way to much pua....

    Can I fix this or what?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: What does she want from me? I think I ruined her feelings towards me

    She didn't reply to my texts or phone call this morning, I guess its over then...?

    However even if it is or not, how should I act when I see her at work?


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