Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20
Like Tree2Likes

Thread: And I'm falling for my best friend....again :(

  1. #1
    ajp101 is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 85, Level: 1
    Level completed: 70%, Points required for next Level: 15
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    15
    Points
    85
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
    Rep Power
    6

    Default And I'm falling for my best friend....again :(

    And I'm falling for my best friend....again I didnt really believe it until we went out for my friends birthday, and she looked stunning. Backstory: we are friends because we are complete opposites, she will tell you if you are wrong and shame you with a look (has happened multiple times to me) and I'm a lot more calm and forgiving, hence our other friends made up a joke that we are eventually going to get married. Back to late last year. Being on a gap year with little money has really limited me to the girls in the town. Most girls around my age are either in college or at uni. So me and her would often go for coffee, cinema or general shopping. It's got to the point where we go out so much her parents and sister believe we are dating. I hate to use the R Kelly line, "my mind is telling me no, but my body is telling me yes". I hadn't really thought about a relationship with her until recently. And that brings us back to the birthday party. We are all having a conversation about the 50 shades film that this girl made me watch (if you want a review, please ask....I manned up to watch it) and I throw a couple of funny one liners and comments to make the group laugh. She starts shaking her head and gives me a look, just as my other friends throw "looks like their first argument". And she replies for the first time "I'm not interested". I don't even mind that she doesn't like me in that way, but it's the fact the she was trying to get with one of my friends(he has a gf) who she had only met for the first time that night. Seeing her get rejected upset me (is that normal?). This has happened to me before (different girl),it crushed me and has taken me a while to get back to my normal confident self. I don't really need advice, but it is appreciated. just support from guys who have been in the same situation.

  2. #2
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 3,671, Level: 38
    Level completed: 14%, Points required for next Level: 129
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    New York, New York
    Posts
    588
    Points
    3,671
    Level
    38
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 37 Times in 36 Posts
    Rep Power
    181

    Default Re: And I'm falling for my best friend....again :(

    I was watching a reality show called Friends and Lovers and most of the girls on the show were saying how their ultimate goal when it came to love was to marry their best friend ..... so maybe it's not such a bad thing
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to drgnsfire12 For This Useful Post:

    ajp101 (03-19-2015)

  4. #3
    fancy16 is offline PUA in Training Achievements:
    100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    50
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: And I'm falling for my best friend....again :(

    It is just normal that very good friends like each other on some other level. I think she likes you too but since you are friends, maybe she is afraid to get involved deeper. In case that won't work she will lost her great friend. You know what I mean? In general, I think you are ok and there is no need for lower self-confidence.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to fancy16 For This Useful Post:

    ajp101 (03-01-2015)

  6. #4
    Blackbird's Avatar
    Blackbird is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 3,686, Level: 38
    Level completed: 24%, Points required for next Level: 114
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    Western Burbs of IL
    Posts
    95
    Points
    3,686
    Level
    38
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 8 Times in 7 Posts
    Rep Power
    154

    Default Re: And I'm falling for my best friend....again :(

    I've known my bestie for over 20 years now. She has openly admitted to me on a public FB post that we've been close to hooking up on several occasions (I know this to be true... because I was there!) The funny thing was, looking back on all those times, it was the same formula - we were having so much fun with each other, that boundaries just disappeared. One night I was fingering her in our friend's bathroom during a party (with about 20 other of our closest friends in the other room). We also happened to be the two drunkest people there, by agreement, and both agreed that we were going to make it an epic fun night for both of us. And even though not much happened, we both still laugh at the story and remain close friends. FWIW, I don't think another 10 minutes alone in the bathroom would have changed our friendship one bit (because I don't see her as long term dating material. She's incredibly unique and cool and crazy fun, but she's not what I'm looking for). Anyway, how did it get there? It was a matter of having such an intense vibe, having so much emotion and fun, and there being an "us bubble" that was intensely strong (I told her I wasn't going to the party, with all of our mutual friends, unless she was my date). We also wound up offending our friends when we made out for 30 minutes in public, completely ignoring our friends the whole time. But, hey, they got over it. And yes, again, this girl is just a friend. Always has been, always will be.

    I also had a serious gf who was often very chiding towards me, treating me like a child. That was just the way she was. She was a very unique, highly-self-assured person who said what she thought and did not seek validation from anyone. So when she'd give me those looks, what would I do? I would not give a shit. I would tease her a bit about it to see if she softened or hardened - are you just giving your opinion here? Or am I pushing up against a serious core belief? I would then act accordingly.

    As for her getting shot down by your friend, I would tease the fuck out of her about it. I'd point out how she has zero social skills, no sense of what's appropriate, and is looking for self-destructive relationships. In general, it's not a terrible idea to notice whatever your natural reaction is, take a deep breath, and flip the script and do the complete opposite. In this case, calling her out on it would give you the opportunity to create a frame where you know what's best for her and she needs to follow you and listen to you more closely.
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Blackbird For This Useful Post:

    ajp101 (03-01-2015)

  8. #5
    ajp101 is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 85, Level: 1
    Level completed: 70%, Points required for next Level: 15
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    15
    Points
    85
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
    Rep Power
    6

    Default Re: And I'm falling for my best friend....again :(

    Quote Originally Posted by fancy16 View Post
    It is just normal that very good friends like each other on some other level. I think she likes you too but since you are friends, maybe she is afraid to get involved deeper. In case that won't work she will lost her great friend. You know what I mean? In general, I think you are ok and there is no need for lower self-confidence.
    thanks man! i'm also afraid to escalate too far as well....I don't really wanna lose her. would backing up a bit (not seeing her, not being their for her all the time, being busy when she want something) help? make her chase me

  9. #6
    ajp101 is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 85, Level: 1
    Level completed: 70%, Points required for next Level: 15
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    15
    Points
    85
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
    Rep Power
    6

    Default Re: And I'm falling for my best friend....again :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Blackbird View Post
    I've known my bestie for over 20 years now. She has openly admitted to me on a public FB post that we've been close to hooking up on several occasions (I know this to be true... because I was there!) The funny thing was, looking back on all those times, it was the same formula - we were having so much fun with each other, that boundaries just disappeared. One night I was fingering her in our friend's bathroom during a party (with about 20 other of our closest friends in the other room). We also happened to be the two drunkest people there, by agreement, and both agreed that we were going to make it an epic fun night for both of us. And even though not much happened, we both still laugh at the story and remain close friends. FWIW, I don't think another 10 minutes alone in the bathroom would have changed our friendship one bit (because I don't see her as long term dating material. She's incredibly unique and cool and crazy fun, but she's not what I'm looking for). Anyway, how did it get there? It was a matter of having such an intense vibe, having so much emotion and fun, and there being an "us bubble" that was intensely strong (I told her I wasn't going to the party, with all of our mutual friends, unless she was my date). We also wound up offending our friends when we made out for 30 minutes in public, completely ignoring our friends the whole time. But, hey, they got over it. And yes, again, this girl is just a friend. Always has been, always will be.
    Mate, I would love to be in that situation! So it was like a friends with benefits?

    Quote Originally Posted by Blackbird View Post
    I also had a serious gf who was often very chiding towards me, treating me like a child. That was just the way she was. She was a very unique, highly-self-assured person who said what she thought and did not seek validation from anyone. So when she'd give me those looks, what would I do? I would not give a shit. I would tease her a bit about it to see if she softened or hardened - are you just giving your opinion here? Or am I pushing up against a serious core belief? I would then act accordingly.
    I totally agree with this. its my exact situation, apart from her not being my gf. I'm gunna try your technique of not giving a shit, to see if I can lower defence.


    Quote Originally Posted by Blackbird View Post
    As for her getting shot down by your friend, I would tease the fuck out of her about it. I'd point out how she has zero social skills, no sense of what's appropriate, and is looking for self-destructive relationships. In general, it's not a terrible idea to notice whatever your natural reaction is, take a deep breath, and flip the script and do the complete opposite. In this case, calling her out on it would give you the opportunity to create a frame where you know what's best for her and she needs to follow you and listen to you more closely.
    Teasing her, i'm on the fence about, (the situation was one of the first times i'd seen her try to get with a guy)

    Thanks for the reply dude!

  10. #7
    fancy16 is offline PUA in Training Achievements:
    100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    50
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: And I'm falling for my best friend....again :(

    Quote Originally Posted by ajp101 View Post
    thanks man! i'm also afraid to escalate too far as well....I don't really wanna lose her. would backing up a bit (not seeing her, not being their for her all the time, being busy when she want something) help? make her chase me
    I am sure you don't want to lose her. I am also sure you will not but at some point it will be too hard for you to stay at this friendship level. If, after some time, you will feel the same, maybe you should try to do something. You cannot be friends forever with your hidden feelings. At some point you will have to play to win or to lose. You will have to tell her about your feelings. No matter what, at least you will know you tried and that you have been honest.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to fancy16 For This Useful Post:

    ajp101 (03-19-2015)

  12. #8
    ajp101 is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 85, Level: 1
    Level completed: 70%, Points required for next Level: 15
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    15
    Points
    85
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
    Rep Power
    6

    Default Re: And I'm falling for my best friend....again :(

    Quote Originally Posted by fancy16 View Post
    I am sure you don't want to lose her. I am also sure you will not but at some point it will be too hard for you to stay at this friendship level. If, after some time, you will feel the same, maybe you should try to do something. You cannot be friends forever with your hidden feelings. At some point you will have to play to win or to lose. You will have to tell her about your feelings. No matter what, at least you will know you tried and that you have been honest.
    Update:
    I've taking the "cut all contact" approach for the last couple of weeks. I think its working. I've only seen her twice and that has been for a friend coming back from uni and sitting next to her whilst seeing a horror movie (It follows: great little indie horror flick, give it a watch). When I was speaking to her, (I can't just ignore her, tried that a couple of years ago and everyone thought I was depressed or something) I was holding stronger eye contact and speaking in a confident grounded way whilst joking about. In the cinema, I made sure that I took up as much of my seat as possible so that if I moved she got subtle touches on the arm and at one point she was practically leaning against my arm when she was scared.

  13. #9
    danamayo is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 101, Level: 2
    Level completed: 2%, Points required for next Level: 49
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    16
    Points
    101
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    7

    Default Re: And I'm falling for my best friend....again :(

    Man oh man . this post looks like something i would put up! i have been in the same exact position. I had this "bestie" girl friend. who i have known since junior year of high school. anyone who knew us. knew we were always together. people thought we would be together too. even her own family!! so over time i develop the same kind of feelings. thinking we can be more and have it work out better because we know each other like the back of our hands. I had told her that i wanted things to be more serious. we should try it out. then she was using the whole " i don't want to lose you as a friend" b.s. so i blew it off. wasn't bothered by it. still continued to hang with her. then she would start acting like a gf low key. i would talk to my buddy on the phone and she would get mad that im on the phone when im with her. we would walk around the mall and she would hold on to my arm. long story short. i feel like i was getting the crazy girlfriend. without any of the girlfriend. no kissing. no sex. no nothing.. so i cut her out. stopped texting her. stopped hanging. word of advice. unless she develops actually feelings. just keep HER in the friendzone. do your own thing and talk to other girls. this is a road that leads no where

  14. #10
    funkadesi is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 69, Level: 1
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    4
    Points
    69
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: And I'm falling for my best friend....again :(

    Bro,

    You need to turn up the heat! You are only hurting yourself by not taking any action. I think you need to show some "Alpha-ness" to get her to look at you in a different light. I honestly think that's what you are missing. Set her straight and put her in a situation where she looks at your more than a friend. You may even have to hangout with other people to show as a gesture that you may not be all about her.

    If anything, you can always say the words.. "I don't think I can be friends with you the way I see it..." and leave it at that. This WILL test your relationship but for the good.

    Good luck man!


Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Vicodin - Girl has a BF...might be falling for her.
    By Vicodin24 in forum General Questions
    Replies: 5
    Last Thread: 01-07-2014, 11:40 PM
  2. art of falling in love
    By unsoft in forum New Member Introductions
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 05-23-2013, 12:13 PM
  3. I keep falling back into AA
    By SOUTH_FL_PUA in forum General Questions
    Replies: 8
    Last Thread: 05-21-2013, 07:08 PM
  4. Falling for a girl that has a boyfriend
    By Forielz in forum General Questions
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 04-28-2013, 07:06 PM
  5. please help me with this girl I am falling for
    By mangofraky in forum Help Getting A Girlfriend
    Replies: 3
    Last Thread: 07-12-2012, 05:39 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com