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Thread: Finding a genuine relationship

  1. #1
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Unhappy Finding a genuine relationship

    OK I am going to whinge a bit so please bear with me :-)

    I have been looking for a genuine long term relationship for several years now which basically started when I moved to Sydney, Australia.

    Not knowing anybody in Sydney my only way of meeting women was Online Dating and since I only wanted a relationship I only used eHarmony. The output has been dismal to be honest because for the first couple of years I got nothing other than rejection until I learned about PUA stuff and I got guided by you guys on this forum which made me work on myself and become successful on getting dates and getting laid somewhat easily. That being said I still call the output of online dating dismal because for whatever reason I do not see women who I want there. If there is a woman who is close to my liking, they are normally overwhelmed by so many guys that I stand almost no chance. I have invested so much time and energy to get good at online dating that you cannot imagine but my achievement has been totally disappointing.

    I am very bad with night game so I only do day game. In the past 2 years I have approached women constantly but int he past 2 years I have got only 3 women laid! 3 women who I just wanted to have sex with them and I had no interest in having a relationship with them! Any woman that I have liked have refused to give me a number or to show up on a date. It does not surprise me because apparently success rate of direct day game is very low (based on my Internet research). The book "Rules Of The Games" says it works 5% of the times only. So day game has not worked for me either.

    Now I am thinking that I do not have a social circle in Sydney, I could not find what I want through online dating and day game has not worked for me. So how else can I meet decent women who want a relationship and meet my standards?! Where do you think I can go and what else I can do to increase my odds?!!

    This has become a frustrating issue for me! If you think maybe I am an ugly fat dude with no job or education and no conversational skills I must say you are very much wrong ;-)

    p.s. You may think maybe I am looking for a celebrity and that's why I have no success. All I want is a girl who looks good, has a Monday to Friday job, is down to earth and is after a relationship. I do not think this is too much!

    p.s. I've heard it's freaking cold in the US. In case it makes you jealous, we are having a warm summer in Sydney haha.

    Please help :-)
    Cheers

  2. #2
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Finding a genuine relationship

    I think you already answered the question yourself. I do not have a social circle in Sydney. No man is an island, not even in Australia, when it comes to dating, having good friends – expanding your social circle – is one of the best things you can do. People who want to get good at dating are best served by learning how to be social. Your social circle – your circle of friends and acquaintances – is possibly the best resource you have for meeting new and awesome people. Your friends don’t just represent fellowship or your family-by-choice, they also represent access to other people whom you may very well want to meet. Work on building your social circle and you will see an improvement in your dating situation ....... By the way being a Buddhist and not believing in violence I will ignore your comment about the wonderful summer you are having as I step out into the -9C weather in NY ...... GL
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  3. #3
    Blackbird's Avatar
    Blackbird is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Finding a genuine relationship

    You aren't very good at night game, so you avoid it. Yet, it doesn't sound like you feel as though you're good at meeting women either. So you are avoiding that as well, yes? No night game. God forbid you start doing that and learn to get good with women!

    I enjoy day game. My results are somewhat abysmal, however every interaction I have tends to be cool and fun. I never creep a girl out in day game- I guess my calibration is good. I almost always get really positive reactions- naturally, because I'm a fun guy. But it doesn't always go anywhere because logistics often suck. Usually a number is the best you can do, or a cup of coffee if you're really lucky and on point. But whatever, it's a great learning experience. And if you're at least getting these kinds of results, there's no reason why you can't get some good night game results.

    Incidentally, what PUA materials have you read/watched/listened to? I might be able to suggest something good based around your stated weaknesses of social circle and night game. I have a couple of things in mind for you, but don't intend to send you off on a buying frenzy. It depends on how it all meshes with what you are already practicing. So let's hear it...
    Hypnotist, NLP geek. I've done: Tao of Badass, Hacking Attraction, How To Date Multiple Women (Pellicer's stuff), Get the Girl, How to Talk to Hot Women, No Strings Attached (Mehow's stuff), and now I'm getting into RSD's stuff. I don't go out a lot, but I kill it when challenged

  4. #4
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
    DirectIsBest is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Finding a genuine relationship

    I've read some of your posts before and for doing direct day game I think you're doing good. The thing with Direct Game is that you have a low success rate but you weed out the women that are unavailable from the get go. That means you waste no time on unavailable women.

    I wonder if your approach is a little different when you meet a girl you want a relationship with. I bet that's the case, and why you've only gotten fwb. You might think it's the same but even a subtle difference can telegraph something to the woman.

    A good code to live by is this: She's not relationship material until she proves it. So if you just meet a girl you don't know if she's relationship material yet. Having this mindset that so and so is relationship material, before you know her really well, sabotages you. This places her on a pedestal and makes you act differently.

    I've done this many times. Whenever I would date a girl and put her in the "relationship" category too early I would eventually blow it. All of the relationships I've had were when I started dating a girl and I wasn't sure if she WAS relationship material or I completely wrote her off. Eventually she proved herself to be relationship material by working hard for me. They need to earn it!

    This can be hard to wrap your mind around when you do direct game but it's really not. The mindset is more like "I think you're awesome and attractive. I want to get to know you better BUT I don't know you well enough to know if you're good for ME".

    You're better at direct day game then I am. I've been really successful using direct game IN inner circle game where I already know the girl and she has some attraction for me. I would recommend you stick with it. I believe it's the most difficult part of game to get women but you also don't waste ANY time. With Indirect Game you can waste allot of time.

    You should really buy The manual: What women want and how to give it to them. This is the bible for direct day game. The approach the author describes is THE most ballsy approach I've ever read about. It puts other "direct" game into the indirect category. I haven't used his approach much because it's so ballsy but I picked up numerous things in the book that helped my game immensely. Based on your style I think this book will help you fine tune your direct game and bring you more success. You shouldn't get rid of your style, it just needs a little fine tuning.

    As far as night game I think you should try it. You won't get the quality of women but there's still very high quality women at the bar. You just have to sort through more of them. During night game direct game is a no-no. Be friendly, fun, and sociable. Once you make out with her THEN you can get really direct and she will crumble in your hands. The thing with night game is that girls are usually drunk, open, and you can get a make out session really easily.

    Also, try getting a group of friends. I've moved around quite a bit and I naturally find friends easily. It's not that hard. All you need to do is bullshit with some cool guys, find a common hobby you guys share, then exchange numbers and do that hobby together. After awhile you start getting invited to bars/partys etc. I hunt, fish, and play disc golf allot. Whenever I move all of my friends started out as hunting, fishing, or disc golf buddies then eventually we started hanging out outside of those hobbies. This is how you get into the circle, and honestly, inner circle game is the EASIEST type of game there is.

  5. #5
    Thrill is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Finding a genuine relationship

    Here are some points for finding a woman worthy of a relationship:
    1. day game is MUCH better than night game for relationships. Generally, the kinds of chicks you meet out at bars and clubs are easy and are looking for an easy lay. You say that success is higher for night game, but that depends on how you gauge success. Sure, you might get more f-closes at night, but that's not what you're looking for. You're looking for a relationship, and for relationship-worthy chicks, day game has much better odds. My favorite day game spots are gyms, supermarkets, subway, coffee shops, and department stores ("Excuse me, what do you think of this shirt/skirt/etc.? I'm looking for a gift for my sister/mom/etc.").
    2. Do What You love. Go about your life and pursue your interests. When you do what you love, you'll find other people who are doing it too. Boom, common interests --> attraction --> dates --> relationship. Just make sure that you are social while doing those things, i.e., don't wear headphones at the gym or in transit so you're more approachable. This leads me to:
    3. Open More Sets. Your low rate of lays signals to me that you are not opening enough sets and falling short somewhere in your game, which leads me to:
    4. Find your weak points and improve them. Be mindful of how successful your openings are how far along you go before hitting a wall. That way, you can find your weak points and work on them.
    5. Don't give up/Stay confident. Confidence is palpable, and so is the lack of it. Girls smell it. Keep your head up!
    6. Get rid of tunnel vision. "Tunnel vision" (I don't recall seeing this term anywhere - I'm going to add it to the glossary now) happens with aspiring PUAs, who are so focused on picking up chicks to f-close that they forget about the importance of expanding their social circles by acquiring fun male friends and attractive female friends. My game improved dramatically once I started rolling out with attractive female friends. They're not hot enough for me to want to sleep with (I limit myself to HB 8-10s) but definitely attractive enough to peak other girls' interest in me and notice me when we're out together. I befriended these fun, outgoing girls, kept them close, invited them out, etc., and you know what? They were naturally inclined to wing for me, pointing out hot chicks in the crowd for me and even opening up sets for me without me even asking. that's because girls love to "help" their friends and play match-maker. Similarly, befriend guys at the gym or wherever you like to go. It was weird for me to get guys' numbers at first because of my "tunnel vision" years ago, but once you get past that insecurity/awkwardness, it's totally cool. Guys will take you out to new places, introduce you to their friends, including girls, who will automatically be interested in you just by curiosity because you're new and won the guys' respect.

  6. #6
    WillEdward's Avatar
    WillEdward is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Finding a genuine relationship

    The guys posting here are right. Night game is not necessarly useful to finding a long-term relationship but it can help your skill in conversation, breaking rapport, escalation, qualification, pulling, etc. due to vast number of opportunities to practice on. It' more practical to improve your skills first in these areas so you will naturally attract more women that you want and keep them. Best way to find a genuine relationship is meet women with similar interests as you in social groups and meetups. You'll have a lot more in common and you'll have a lot more fun together.
    Elevate Your Game | Check out my blog for lay reports, attraction and dancefloor game tips !

    willedward.com

  7. #7
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Finding a genuine relationship

    Thank you guys for your invaluable help.

    I do not do night game for a few reasons:

    1- I do not enjoy going to clubs and bars really.
    2- I do not have any wing man to go to bars at nights. I am 35 so I do not have many friends who are single, are interested in picking up women, are interested in night game, are good at being a wing man etc.
    3- As I said I am 35 so I do not want to look like a loser in a club which is full of teenagers!
    4- Women who hang out in bars and clubs do not interest me really. But as Thril pointed out, I see a lot of interesting women during the day.
    5- I prefer to save my energy for day game, socializing, and in general enjoying my life during the day (e.g. Sunday) so I refrain from having a night life on Saturday nights.

    Blackbird wants me to say what I've done. I've been coached by a couple of day game coaches so I know the techniques of stopping women, opening, asking for number etc. I began day game 2 years ago and ever since I've approached almost 200 women! I have also read books and I have asked many questions on this forum which means I am not too green in day game.

    I actually do not want to stop day game or even online dating although I want to use online dating as a way to access more women but since it has not worked for me in the past 4 years-ish at all, I am going to use it just a little. I will want to continue day game and improve it but I feel that I need some other ways of meeting women who are more likely to be a relationship material.

    As you guys said I think I have to work on enlarging my social circles because I almost have no friends who want to go out with me because at 35 almost all my friends are married with a dozen of kids! Yes I am sure I must have more friends than I have now. I've lived in Sydney for 5 years but I have a handful of friends which is no good. I sometime think I have to do some kind of activity that helps me meet more women but the thing is that I almost have no time.

    Here are the problems/hurdles that I have when I meet women through day game. Can you guys please help me with these?


    1- A lot of women instantly think I am yet another guy who hits on girls until he gets laid! Unfortunately in Sydney there are many universities in which very young guys hear about the game etc but without getting coached or any knowledge they hit on every single girl they see! Imagine a girl who is approached by 3-4 guys every single day! Once I approach a girl like that she instantly will think I am a guy like the ones I mentioned and she will blow me up. How can I make them sure I want a relationship and I am not after (just) getting laid?

    2- The biggest problem I have had so far is that women say "I do not know you!". It's fair enough because they cannot trust a random guy who has stopped them on the street but how can I go around it and get their trust?!

    3- Where are the best places for direct day game? I normally just stop women on the street as soon as I see them but a few times they told me it was weird and awkward that without knowing them I had approached them! Obviously I do not care about it but I believe if they feel comfortable my results will get better.

    4- I am not sure what people are like in the US, but in Sydney a vast majority of women fit in one of these three categories: racists, shallow and judgmental, scared of anything different! Therefore, it happens a lot to me that as soon as I say hello to a woman I get asked "Where are you from?". And 50% of cases immediately after I say I am blah blah they blow me out. The other day I saw a hot Polish chick among one of my female friend's Facebook. I asked my friend about that chick but my friend said she only dated white Australians and nobody else! I understand that people have the right to choose but to me it seems very shallow. The funny thing is that I am white and I am an Australian citizen but I do not fit in the "White Australian" category for her! By the way, how can I go around this issue when I deal with a woman who is kind of judgmental? I know you may think if someone is judgmental you do not want to date them but the thing is that many of them are judgmental because they are ignorant and once they learn enough they become OK.

    5- I sometimes see women who are very beautiful but they are or they look very stuck up! A couple of times I tried to approach them but they just ignored me! I am not worried about being ignored but I feel very bad when I have to give a compliment to a snobbish woman. Unfortunately in direct day game your opener have to include some sort of compliments but I really do not like to give them a tiny bit of ego boost. Indirect Game is also difficult because it's hard to open a woman who is walking very fast indirectly.

    Thanks a lot guys

  8. #8
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Finding a genuine relationship

    I began day game 2 years ago and ever since I've approached almost 200 women!
    hate to bust your bubble, but 200 women in 2 years is not impressive. you live in a big city.

    when I went to new York for a weekend boot camp, I approached over 150 women in 3 days.

    even living in the small town of Morgantown west Virginia (population 60 thousand including 30 thousand college students), I can still steadily approach 50-100 girls a month without running into the same girls more than a few times a year.

    you live in farking Sydney!!

    you literally have millions of girls right at your fingertips, plus one of the best night scenes in Australia, plus a nice beach, plus millions of tourists who come there every year. you have no excuses. I would kill to have a good job in a big city packed full of hot young Australian chicks.


    the only real obstacle you have to contend with is your age. considering that the highest quality women are likely married by the time they are 25. and even most average girls get married by the time they are 30. this simply means that you have to go after younger chicks if you want good quality. dating women your age probably isn't an option unless you're into used up divorcees with kids.

  9. #9
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Finding a genuine relationship

    Meteora is 100% right, 200 women in 2 years averages out to 8.3 women a month ...... you need to up those numbers
    and FYI, what sort of Bitch would tell you that approaching them without knowing them is weird and awkward ??? with that mind set we would NEVER meet anybody new so forget that nonsense and keep approaching girls
    "The purpose of our lives is to be happy" - his Holiness the Dalai Llama of Tibet

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Finding a genuine relationship

    Just gonna add something little to what other guys said:

    About night game, in my experience, I don't find having a wingman really necessary. I think wings are only helpful during the early stages like approaching but no wingman in the world will hold your hand throughout the process of getting the girl in bed. Once you get into the "energetic alpha" state, the only wingman you need is yourself.

    Of course, that's my highly biased opinion since I've had better success without wings than with them... Or maybe they were all disasters lol.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.


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