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  • 1 Post By JackSarge

Thread: She acted attracted then delivered “lets be friends”

  1. #1
    klngskir is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default She acted attracted then delivered “lets be friends”

    We have been friends for years but after her boyfriend cheated on her and she dumped him like 8 months ago. Since then we got a lot closer but she also moved to a different city (because she was pissed about her ex and for school stuff). As time went on I fell for her and started upping the flirting (at least I thought so). We would hang out whenever I had reason to be in the city she’s in. By a month ago we were going to dinner, drinks, walks etc and she was showing all kinds of signs of attraction (at least I though). She would do the play with hair thing, subtly touch my leg with her foot under the table, our arms would touch across the console in the car, she would seems to enjoy it (and reciprocated) when I put my arm around her, she was comfortable with me brushing a strand of hair out of her face, etc. She is also working like 80 hours a week but she spent several hours with me on her only day and evening off for several weeks when I was in her city for work.


    Then I finally got up the courage to ask her out. Initially she didn’t answer yes or no but later she texted me that she thinks we should keep it as friends. I was somewhat surprised and pretty disappointed. It seems to me that she is/was attracted to me but not enough so to want to jump me then and there and risk it when we would be long distance, she is still working like 80 hours a week, and we’re both applying to grad school and will be going to unknown universities next fall. I have also learned that she’s not over her ex (based on something she posted on Facebook)


    I know a lot of you might advise that I just move on and forget about her. Let assume (correctly) that that isn’t going to happen, yea I’m totally open to messing around with other girls and am currently doing so but I haven’t found anyone that I like in a relationship sense so don’t bother telling me that.


    I want to know what to do, after she texted me that we should keep it as friends, I responded, I was obviously disappointed but basically said ok and we haven’t communicated since. What do I do now? I want to try to make things work with this girl if it is possible. The mistakes I may have made: acted to much like a provider, not a lover and was a little too eager to please her (not like full doormat, but a little more so than I would be with someone off the street). Do I do the ‘get out of friend zone’ thing, where I disappear for a while then come back and make a new first impression (and would this work with me disappearing right after she rejects me?), or should I do something else since she seems to like me some?


    Thanks for the advice.

  2. #2
    ryuzaki21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: She acted attracted then delivered “lets be friends”

    I feel you bud. This is a situation that has happened to a lot of folks here.

    Understand that, women are not driven by the tenets of logic and reason but rather emotion.

    In other words, the nature of emotions is fleeting and while she may love you at one moment, at another she may begin to resent your very being. The ever cacpricious nature of a woman's emotions are well accounted for. Do not take this to heart and never ever make the mistake of confessing your feelings to a girl.

    You do not want her to think and justify her behaviour. Lead her on and when the opportunity presents itself - escalate physically. I highly reccommend that you check out some of Justin Wayne's infield videos.



    Quote Originally Posted by klngskir View Post
    snip

  3. #3
    klngskir is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She acted attracted then delivered “lets be friends”

    I didn't really 'confess' my feeling to her (a lesson I have learned from experience in the past) but asked her out on a date (might be functionally equivalent).

    Since women's emotions are so fleeting, should I just proceed as if nothing happened and just escalate (go for a hand hold or kiss or something) if she is showing signs of interest again?

  4. #4
    ryuzaki21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: She acted attracted then delivered “lets be friends”

    I see. Generally, I keep my dates low pressure and it goes something like, " Let's hang out sometime, when we are both free." This communicates that I have other important things to focus on and should she back out then you can always pretend like nothing happened.

    A conventional date on the other hand communicates that you are putting her up on the pedestal. In other words, you specifically asked her out and made time to spend only with her. You are a beta with nothing more important to do. Ergo, no longer a challenge.

    In certain instances,women are not looking out for anything serious and just want to have a bit of a fun.

    Now, in your situation, she clearly understands that you see her as a potential partner. Even if she had any feelings of supposed attraction towards you then it was not something that she understood logically and now you have put her in a spot.

    You may proceed as if nothing happened and that is probably the best way to deal with situation. However, the damage has been done. And she is always going to be somewhat wary of your advances.

  5. #5
    klngskir is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She acted attracted then delivered “lets be friends”

    When I asked her out, I had to specify that 'I want to take her out to dinner, as a date'. This is because for a while we had been doing things that were indistinguishable from dates to any outsiders, only neither of us had acknowledged it, though I hadn't been paying for her. We would go to dinner then drinks elsewhere or lunch then just sit there are talk for like an hour before going somewhere else for dessert. This whole time we would have good eye contact, exchange some compliments, a lot of touching, etc. I can't honestly believe she didn't have an inkling that I was interested before I asked her out.

    I felt like I needed to bring it out in the open to progress things, however, looking back, that seems like old fashion thinking. If I had a time machine would it have been better to escalate physically and then ask her out on a real date after we had made out or even had sex?

  6. #6
    Weapon is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: She acted attracted then delivered “lets be friends”

    I know I'm a little late to the party on this, but if I were to go back in time I would re-evaluate the perceived ioi's and your Kino during that time. Personally I'm not sure I would have been convinced enough with the arms touching in the car, arm around her, or even the hair strand brushing...I've done that with girls who were strictly friends and knew it didn't mean she was ready to date me. I'm kinda agreeing with what you asked in the last post; escalate physically and then maybe after a kiss (or a few sessions after that to make sure it wasn't a one-time "mistake"), then get into the dating realm.


    I'll re-edit this in the morning because I am wiped out and can't get my thoughts together.

  7. #7
    Weapon is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: She acted attracted then delivered “lets be friends”

    I can't re-edit for some reason so I'll just leave it alone. Are you still interacting with her? And how's it going?

  8. #8
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    JackSarge is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She acted attracted then delivered “lets be friends”

    Quote Originally Posted by klngskir View Post
    When I asked her out, I had to specify that 'I want to take her out to dinner, as a date'. This is because for a while we had been doing things that were indistinguishable from dates to any outsiders, only neither of us had acknowledged it, though I hadn't been paying for her. We would go to dinner then drinks elsewhere or lunch then just sit there are talk for like an hour before going somewhere else for dessert. This whole time we would have good eye contact, exchange some compliments, a lot of touching, etc. I can't honestly believe she didn't have an inkling that I was interested before I asked her out.

    I felt like I needed to bring it out in the open to progress things, however, looking back, that seems like old fashion thinking. If I had a time machine would it have been better to escalate physically and then ask her out on a real date after we had made out or even had sex?
    Bro, bro, take what I say with a grain of salt (people take me too literally sometimes). I am doing this to only help you mate not disqualify your self-esteem in anyway. Anyway I am no expert!

    You are a bit young yes?

    So much inexperience mate. You really HAVE lost this girl, I know you didn't want to hear this but truly you have lost your element of surprise and she has ALL THE POWER you are going to think like a lesser man from here on out (due to her rejection sub-concious stuff) by default unless....

    You do the one and only Recovery Rule. This is way way back from a time long ago.

    Player Rule To Rejection: If you ever want to win a girl back the general rule of thumb is to go NC/No-Contact for 3 Months and revisit the issue after you reinvent yourself.

    She will see you back to original if not better self thus re-creating attraction. If you continue down this path to over-pursuing this creating more and more rejection you only get lower and lower in your internal thinking creating self-defeating thoughts.

    Food for thought!
    When you let go of your feelings you can really then embrace your surroundings
    Love is a game that's why I don't worry about it anymore. When you let go of your feelings you find your meaning.
    -Capn_Jack

  9. #9
    handheart is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She acted attracted then delivered “lets be friends”

    Well womens are very strange and hard you can understand them , i think you should not show her that you are afected by this and to say her ok we will remain friends .But i will tell you a litle secret to play with her mind ,be friend with her but dont be so afectuos that it will think that you still love her be more distant .Also try to flirt with another girl and date with her to see .After that he will get jelous and it will ask more than a frindship .this its a mind game


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