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  1. #1
    Ugone Guest

    Default [Help] AFC needs urgent advice !!!

    Hey guys,

    A bit about myself, I'm a super AFC who just discovered the game. Has only been in a relationship once in high school (she liked me first, so I got lucky). Didn't really like her but I just do it for the sake of seeing what its like lol. It only lasted few months as you probably expect.

    Anyway, I'm currently in my 1st year of Uni. Now to my situation where I need some advice:

    I was assigned to work in a group project for one of my subject. Getting to the point, after few weeks together I have started to develop a feeling for a girl in my group. Prior to this, there were no sparks so I wasn't bothering with trying to build attraction or trying to get to know her on a deeper personal level. I was just there as a good group member and leader (since no one seems enthusiastic in taking the role lol)

    Anyway, it is near the end of the project and now I started to feel something for her. However, I'm at lost how to take this further ? helppp...

    It seems that I'm in a situation where the frame is that we are just colleague doing assignment together. I feel very weird to just be super friendly out of sudden or even try flirting. Since our relationship seems strictly just for business. So guys, please drill, grill and give me some input on what should I do ? I was thinking I should get to know her better and take it one at a time, but since the project is ending really soon I really don't have that much of a time.

    I was thinking to ask her to help me to shop for my sister's bday present (it is coming soon). It might be kamikaze thou LOL... out of the blue just asking for a favour like that without actually knowing her well. Anyway, thanks for reading my rant.

  2. #2
    tcomea2 is offline PUA Forums VIP Member
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    Default Re: [Help] AFC needs urgent advice !!!

    Wow dude. I need to explain a few things to you about PU.

    First: Pick up is more about working on yourself then it is about working on a girl. 90% of what we do is mental. And you have already lost this battle. Women love confident men. They want a man who is in charge, and non needy. You are neither. So as a result the first thing you need to work on is yourself. You have to learn to boost yourself. Do some searches on inner game. Check out my post on the cognitive reality loop, read about self improvement. Do this before you try to do anything to crazy.

    Second: you have what we commonly refer to as oneidis. You want this one girl so you turn to us for the magic words to say to make her yours. That’s not what we do. I will be more than happy to work with you to get you to a place where you can meet more women and become an approach machine. But there are no magic words that will make this chicks legs fly open and welcome you in.. Trust me when I say this women probably already sees you as weak and AFC. So work on point number 1 and reframe yourself, and then you can go back later to this chick.

    Sorry for the tough love, but I think you need to hear it.

  3. #3
    Ugone Guest

    Default Re: [Help] AFC needs urgent advice !!!

    Hey tcomea2, thanks for the advice and tough love. It can only do me good I guess. I gotta agree I might have what you guys call oneitis, will definetely try to work it out step by step.

    Quote Originally Posted by tcomea2 View Post
    Wow dude. I need to explain a few things to you about PU.

    First: Pick up is more about working on yourself then it is about working on a girl. 90% of what we do is mental. And you have already lost this battle. Women love confident men. They want a man who is in charge, and non needy. You are neither. So as a result the first thing you need to work on is yourself. You have to learn to boost yourself. Do some searches on inner game. Check out my post on the cognitive reality loop, read about self improvement. Do this before you try to do anything to crazy.

    Second: you have what we commonly refer to as oneidis. You want this one girl so you turn to us for the magic words to say to make her yours. That’s not what we do. I will be more than happy to work with you to get you to a place where you can meet more women and become an approach machine. But there are no magic words that will make this chicks legs fly open and welcome you in.. Trust me when I say this women probably already sees you as weak and AFC. So work on point number 1 and reframe yourself, and then you can go back later to this chick.

    Sorry for the tough love, but I think you need to hear it.

  4. #4
    crobinson1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: [Help] AFC needs urgent advice !!!

    yeah tcomea is right. you have triedv to work on concepts and stuff of pickup rather than improving ur inner game and who you are
    I live in my reality and youíre a guest

  5. #5
    prjav's Avatar
    prjav is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default Re: [Help] AFC needs urgent advice !!!

    i would go against the current a little here:

    FUCK IT TRY IT, ask her out. If she rejects you dont feel bad and take it as an experience to learn from. just dont get sad or frustrated about it. when you are going to ask her be confident and dont make it as a big deal. just a fun time to pick up a gift. But remember you got nothing to lose. ALSO dont focus on her and start meeting more girls immediately.

    ALSO follow what Tcomea said!! work on yourself.

  6. #6
    Ugone Guest

    Default Re: [Help] AFC needs urgent advice !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by prjav View Post
    i would go against the current a little here:

    fark IT TRY IT, ask her out. If she rejects you dont feel bad and take it as an experience to learn from. just dont get sad or frustrated about it. when you are going to ask her be confident and dont make it as a big deal. just a fun time to pick up a gift. But remember you got nothing to lose. ALSO dont focus on her and start meeting more girls immediately.

    ALSO follow what Tcomea said!! work on yourself.
    Will definetely give it a shot just for the experience

  7. #7
    tcomea2 is offline PUA Forums VIP Member
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    Default Re: [Help] AFC needs urgent advice !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by prjav View Post
    i would go against the current a little here:

    fark IT TRY IT, ask her out. If she rejects you dont feel bad and take it as an experience to learn from. just dont get sad or frustrated about it. when you are going to ask her be confident and dont make it as a big deal. just a fun time to pick up a gift. But remember you got nothing to lose. ALSO dont focus on her and start meeting more girls immediately.

    ALSO follow what Tcomea said!! work on yourself.
    I donít think that goes against the current to bad. Lol

    Nothing wrong with trying for it. Crob knows all about my oneidis, we all get it from time to time. Trick is just make sure that she doesnít become your one and only focus.

  8. #8
    hereforfun Guest

    Default Re: [Help] AFC needs urgent advice !!!

    if your uni has something like a bar or social lounge you should ask her there on her break sometime.

    its a casual environment which she would probably be comfortable with and you can get to know eachother better over a couple of drinks.

    set a time to meet at a location and be 5-10 minutes late. shows that youve got things on your mind other than her and shes not going to be a priority

  9. #9
    Ugone Guest

    Default Re: [Help] AFC needs urgent advice !!!

    hey guys, just wanna say thanks for all the words and I have greatly appreciate all ur inputs here.

    Just incase you are wondering, I finally asked her out and we'll be going out sometimes next week. I guess it would be a good chance to get her to know her better and see if she will make a good match or not.

    Also if anyone is ever in a similar situation like me, what I learnt from this experience as a super AFC is that you just gotta feel the fear and do it anyway. Recognise that the fear (anxiety) in our life will never go away (something like what a lot of PUA believe about aa). However, you can let fear hold you down as an Anchor and made u stay in the state of helplessness or instead you can hold them in your hand and take control of it. Actually this advice come from one of the book that was recommended in DD' Double ur dating book, Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers. I listened to the audio book and it has really kicked some sense into my AFC ass.

    P.S here is some extract of the summary I found online. Just wanna share it with u guys incase if anyone ever get stuck in similar situation as mine hopefully this can helps. I feel so much better and pumped up knowing that I can overcome all negative thoughts and just go do it anyway !!! If I can do this, I'm pretty sure you can too !

    Once again, thanks all. Much appreciated.

    1) The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
    2)
    The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
    3)The only way to feel better about myself is to go out and do it.
    4)
    Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.
    5) Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.
    Last edited by Ugone; 09-22-2010 at 01:45 AM.

  10. #10
    Ugone Guest

    Default Re: [Help] AFC needs urgent advice !!!

    Hey all, a little bit of field report.

    I think I just hit a brick wall and would love some advice and drilling in order to improve myself. The story below might be a bit long, but I'll try to make it as short as possible. It will be a story presented in order with question inserted in between.

    So, finally I phoned her last time and arrange a meeting with her on Monday. All was good, however an hour after that she called me again asked for our outing to be rescheduled earlier because she just remember shes meeting up with a friend. So instead at night time, she wanted to go during the afternoon [Potential Alarm #1, maybe she can use it as an excuse to bail out]. Anyway, the next day I picked her up in the afternoon and we went to a tapas bar. I initiated some kino like palm reading, doing the cube and generally just building comfort and teases her once in a while. I tried to built comfort, however it was not always easy. Sometimes shes responsive, sometimes shes not. After that, we went to a little carnival with rides and stuff, but it was really crap so instead we decided to walk around the shopping complex and she did some shopping. Then her friend called her, so we went our separate ways and hug goodbye and she said it was enjoyable and we should go again sometimes, I said yes but I didn't schedule anything. So we went our separate way. [I thought this was a good sign, but thinking again it could just be her being nice]

    Question 1) Should I perhaps txt her and say thx for the good time ? Because I did none of that, just went cold until 2 days later where I tried to call her.

    2 Days later (Wednesday), I tried to call her at night since I was really busy during the day. However, she didn't pick up and I just called her once since I do not want to look like a stalker or anything like that. Furthermore, she didn't make any effort to contact me back. Anyway, I didn't make any contact at all with her until this week on Tuesday (so its been around a week without any contact) when I saw her in Uni (we have the same class). So we talked a bit, just checking hows each other doing and the usual stuff. Then when the class finishes, I know she had not had lunch so I invited her to join me but she said she'll pass and goes back to her dorm and eat her leftover [Possible Alarm #2]. Before we went our separate ways again, I asked her if she could come shopping with me next week as I need to buy some present for a friend's bday. She said yes and we went our separate ways.

    Question 2) Did I just make a mistake of not keeping in contact with her for that long ? Is it too long ? Maybe leaving her with a lot of time to feel buyers remorse ?

    Question 3) When I asked her if she could come and help me shop, she said yes but there was a slight delay before she said yes (does not look that enthusiastic). Is this a red flag for me ?

    Then I asked her when she is free, she seems unsure which I could understand as it is one of those period where uni is getting really busy. I then suggested next Monday (i know its her day off) and she said cool and we went our separate way. During that time, the sky was really dark and not long after the rain was pouring heavily, so I was sure she'll get really wet. So I smsed just to flirt a bit, I asked her "hows the free shower ? must be good since u didn't take a shower today ! ". She replied "lol, I ran for my life to my dorm, so it was not that bad ! =) ok, gonna make lunch, laterzzz" [Possible alarm #3].

    Question 4) As this is the first time I have tried to flirt via the SMS, but she just shut me down by saying goodbye, is this another red flag ? Instead of allowing it to flow for a few quick sms flirt, she just shut the gate down.

    Thanks all for reading this passage. To be honest, I don't expect this to go anywhere. However, I'll just do what I have to do and give it a shot. If I can get her to the next stage, its good that its a bonus. Nevertheless, this should be a valuable learning experience. I probably have been thinking to much, but looking forward to your inputs and constructive criticism !
    Last edited by Ugone; 10-05-2010 at 11:14 PM.


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