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  1. #1
    bren24 Guest

    Default Have a confidence problem. Need Advice.

    I haven't had a girlfriend in about a year and in the meantime I've been just chillin, having fun, and trying to improve myself. During this time I've come to the conclusion that I have confidence issues that hold me back from reeling in high quality girls. I attract them initially and keep them interested for a couple of weeks BUT I can't quite close the deal for some reason Another problem I have is not knowing when a girl is into me. I become CLUELESS in this department when I am in the (talking/getting to know stage) of girls and never am able to tell WHEN or IF I should make a move. I think this could be linked to having low confidence but am not for sure.

    I often wait for girls to make moves because I don't know how to read whether or not they are interested in me for sure. I also beat around the bush too much most of the time and keep girls interested for about 2-3 weeks but then they lose interest and it kind of fades because no one ever makes a move

    In the past month Ive had 4 girls that I like, text me and show me interest but I have came away with NOTHING. I've been needy in the past so Ive been trying to not be all over them and text them too much and it has worked for about 2 weeks but then it has faded with all 4 of these girls and I have failed to close the deal with any of them.

    Any advice on how I can improve on these things would really be appreciated.

  2. #2
    nik's Avatar
    nik
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    Default Re: Have a confidence problem. Need Advice.

    Always assume every woman wants you.
    I have failed more than most men have tried.

    Every woman you pass up is a woman you will never have.

  3. #3
    tcomea2 is offline PUA Forums VIP Member
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    Default Re: Have a confidence problem. Need Advice.

    ^^^ that’s a very alpha male response. Lol

    Ok dude you have some serious inner game issues going here. If I were you I would take a step back and examine your out look and how you view the world. Sounds like its in general kind of a self loathing view of I cant. You need to adjust this to a I can view. Game is more about working on yourself then working a set. I know this is a short post and I will try to get back to you later with some more details on how you can do this.
    If you can I would suggest taking a look at unbreakable. It’s a great inner game program that taught me a great deal of what I know about inner game.

  4. #4
    Yeti's Avatar
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    Default Re: Have a confidence problem. Need Advice.

    dude, i can completely sympathise with you here, i had something similar recently before finding this community and as tcomea2 has said it is all about inner game!

    One of the best things I can recommend is reading a book - 'what every BODY is saying' by Joe Navarro, it deals with body language, (plus its an easy read,) and then making a conscious decision to adopt and display this confident non-verbal communication in every day life, at work, in bars, just walking down the street. eventually, you'll start to reprogram your subconscious mind and this will become natural to you, you will start to radiate confidence, and the thing is, its surprising how good just adopting this body language makes you feel!

    Taking pride in your appearance also does wonders for you, i'd advise to constantly Peacock yourself to some extent - personally, I feel my best after having a shower, clean clothes, clean teeth etc. and again, makes you feel good about yourself. You'd be surprised how much grooming can do for your confidence in a situation.

    in the getting to know stage, its important not to barrage them with interview questions, they've heard a million times. use some set pieces to tell them a little about themselves and allow them to expand on it. also its worth telling stories that escalate your personality (without boasting), remember to be semi-vague/ leave loop holes out for effective story telling, it encourages them to ask questions / tell their own experiences etc.

    i mean these are just a few of the things that have helped me with regaining my confidence

  5. #5
    bren24 Guest

    Default Re: Have a confidence problem. Need Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by tcomea2 View Post
    ^^^ thatís a very alpha male response. Lol

    Ok dude you have some serious inner game issues going here. If I were you I would take a step back and examine your out look and how you view the world. Sounds like its in general kind of a self loathing view of I cant. You need to adjust this to a I can view. Game is more about working on yourself then working a set. I know this is a short post and I will try to get back to you later with some more details on how you can do this.
    If you can I would suggest taking a look at unbreakable. Itís a great inner game program that taught me a great deal of what I know about inner game.

    Yeah, I think taking a look at how I perceive the big picture would help a lot.

    What I really want to know though is how to know if the girl is interested in me and how/when I should make a move to esculate from the (talking/getting to know stage). I think I do a pretty good job of getting the girls interest and keeping it for the first couple weeks like I said, however, I struggle taking that next step (making moves) and getting laid. It's like I'm always caught in a yellow light and never get the green.

    Anyone know how I can improve in this department? Like maybe an example of how to handle a situation..

    Also what does everyone think about having a "don't care attitude towards girls and going with the flow/not trying so hard" ? Does this attract more girls?

  6. #6
    Sporty Guest

    Default Re: Have a confidence problem. Need Advice.

    Well, I agree that walking around deluding yourself into believing every woman wants you is a bad idea - you'll come across like a prick rather than a confident guy.

    I've always found it helpful to realize every PUA will get shot down some time -- anyone that tells you otherwise is either lying, banging fat chicks, or has Brad Pitt's looks, money, and fame.

    The trick for me was to not care about the outcome. I approach every night sarging with a couple of ideas:

    1. I'm going to have fun. No matter what, I'm going to enjoy the game.

    2. I'm going to open sets that 99% of guys are scared to, and whether I can build enough attraction and comfort to actually close them, I'm at least going to build enough that I can build on it if I see them again (live in a fairly small metro area, so that's fairly likely). I'm going home with at least a phone number from someone unless there are no HB 8's or better.

  7. #7
    Yeti's Avatar
    Yeti is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Have a confidence problem. Need Advice.

    Of course your going to get shot down, but then you miss 100% of the shots you don't take!

    Sportys got it bang on with his two points! Especially no. 1 - Games are there to be enjoyed otherwise, wheres the fun in playing?

  8. #8
    nik's Avatar
    nik
    nik is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Have a confidence problem. Need Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sporty View Post
    Well, I agree that walking around deluding yourself into believing every woman wants you is a bad idea - you'll come across like a prick rather than a confident guy.
    How do you agree with something that hasn't been said before?
    I have failed more than most men have tried.

    Every woman you pass up is a woman you will never have.

  9. #9
    feank1993 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Have a confidence problem. Need Advice.

    This is exactly my problem. I gain interest of the girl but within 2-3 weeks the attraction fades. Sporty had a really good point about keeping my confidence high enough to seal the deal


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