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  1. #1
    kosmosfreak Guest

    Default First time seeking advice looking to get a girlfriend.

    Ok, So I've just been doing some reading, I'm just that way always reading about everything I can, In any case here is the story.

    There is a girl I like and have liked for about 2 months, Things finally came to a head and I sealed the deal about 4 days ago. (fyi I have no idea about any terminology but reading up on what I was already doing I came to find out that I'm doing something called a Freeze Out... Kind of.)

    In any case we go to the same school and I actually give her a ride to school about every day now. I've played the good guy role and it really is who I am so I'm fighting that. I work security and so for the past two months I have been completely available. I have always made sure she was the one calling me even though I never turned down an opportunity to spend time with her.

    In any case after getting her into bed (and I really like her so its not something I'm trying to make a fling or anything by any means) She felt really guilty afterwards. I comforted her in it and yesterday while she was out with a friend I told her she should enjoy the time with her friend and not worry about calling me.

    In any case because I've been so available I figure there is no challenge, In fact I realize now the reason why what happened happened Is the night previously she said she wanted to be friends and I was completely hands off the entire day and by night time she was doing everything she could to get me to go with it.

    So now that she feels guilty or felt guilty at least, after letting her know everything was alright for about half of yesterday and all day today I have been completely ignoring her calls and texts (and so far I have gotten about 10 calls today)

    But I do need to pick her up tomorrow and will need to confirm the time. I guess the advice is what to do about that, when and what to do from now on? I want her and she knows it but for about 2 days she hasn't heard from me. Am I going about it wrong? Should I call her back right away? what do I say when I do?

    I am a nice guy and I want to keep her but I need to get her over this hump of feeling guilty before I can make it a little more serious.

  2. #2
    Coyote Guest

    Default Re: First time seeking advice looking to get a girlfriend.

    whether you reply or not, you are in communication with her. whatever you do you are in relationship and any action is a form of communication.

    sounds like you have played her pretty well into your court and it sounds that she has been pulled by you. she has no control over that attraction to you.

    i guess when you do decide to speak to her you will be the master communicator. you can decide where you want to take it with her. have a think about that if you havent already. i am a big one for ethic but there really arent any here - she has chosen to sleep with you. that is a mutual decision and not something you have duped her into. they always try and blame the man but lets be honest. she would not have slept with you if she didnt want to. and she has to take some responsibility for that.

    sounds like you will have to talk differing ideas of relationships. some people dont get it that sex is just sex. i can get that special feeling et al with 50 people a day if i like. i am a nice guy and people feel good around me. doesnt mean i have to commit to them cos they are attracted to me. i dont want to be a prick either but they need to know my boundaries.

    i would work it slowly mate. you might have a good relationship with this girl but she needs to understand that you dont do relationships in the same manner that she thinks she does...

    is that sorta right? does that make sense to your post? sorry if i misconstrued some of it

  3. #3
    kosmosfreak Guest

    Default Re: First time seeking advice looking to get a girlfriend.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coyote View Post
    whether you reply or not, you are in communication with her. whatever you do you are in relationship and any action is a form of communication.

    sounds like you have played her pretty well into your court and it sounds that she has been pulled by you. she has no control over that attraction to you.

    i guess when you do decide to speak to her you will be the master communicator. you can decide where you want to take it with her. have a think about that if you havent already. i am a big one for ethic but there really arent any here - she has chosen to sleep with you. that is a mutual decision and not something you have duped her into. they always try and blame the man but lets be honest. she would not have slept with you if she didnt want to. and she has to take some responsibility for that.

    sounds like you will have to talk differing ideas of relationships. some people dont get it that sex is just sex. i can get that special feeling et al with 50 people a day if i like. i am a nice guy and people feel good around me. doesnt mean i have to commit to them cos they are attracted to me. i dont want to be a prick either but they need to know my boundaries.

    i would work it slowly mate. you might have a good relationship with this girl but she needs to understand that you dont do relationships in the same manner that she thinks she does...

    is that sorta right? does that make sense to your post? sorry if i misconstrued some of it
    No that sounds about right. She hasn't blamed me for anything though, at worst her feeling guilty has me feeling a tad guilty but I have no regrets, I haven't tried to do any playing actually I guess you could say if anything all I've done is a little experimentation.

    Anyways last night I texted her back simply asking "yeah every thing is all right what's up?"

    A little bit later she called me up and I talked a little bit confirmed this morning and tried a little more experimentation.

    For two months I have been wanting to get this girl to go skating with me. (Used to play hockey now I just like doing tricks and go fast at the roller rink) I would always ask and invite her and the answer would always be no. So for about the past month I haven't gone.

    Last night I flat out told her (for my day off a day I figured she assumed I'd be spending with her) "I've decided no matter what I really need to go skating again so I'll be doing that tomorrow" Her Immediate response was "but ill fall down a lot" (I made a mental note here I didn't technically invite her yet) And I promptly responded "It's fine there's no need for you to come I just wanna go" That got the response, "Should I bring my skates then? I'll have to look for them." After two months of inviting her maybe once a week if not more I realize telling her she wasn't needed not only got her wanting to go but had her assuming and inviting herself so that she would

    I can be a nice guy I just need to work on the self respect aspect a bit more I think and I'm golden, That's what I'm getting out of this at least.

    What do you guy's think?


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