Hello friends, I need balanced, thoughtful advices here. I'm a young medical doctor from a large city in some xUSSR country, I'm very busy in my professional life, I don't want to become a PUA, I'm just dying to get a one special girl, and that's the only reason why I'm here, writing this topic.
I'm 27 years old, I'm doing the last 6 months of fellowship in a surgical department, where I gained some authority during 5 years of hard work.
To be honest, I don't have much experience in task-oriented approaching to women, all my previous relationships and one-night stays were related to my profession (they respect surgeons )) or to my living place (one has a lot of chances in a university campus). Anyway, before meeting this special girl, I had one totally serious 2-year relationship with another girl, which ended 3 years ago. I had no intentions to build new relationships since, because this break-up was very hard and traumatic for both sides. Technically speaking, I hadn't fully recovered, until I met this second girl.
I'm tall, physically strong, warm-blooded, intelligent, fluent in my profession, in foreign languages, in electronics. I have a couple of good friends here, useful social connections. Although I'm an immigrant, I feel comfy in this city and in my department, I can give this girl a lot of opportunities for fun, for promotion, etc.
She's 24 years old, an intelligent, tall, long-legged, long haired brunette. As every real beauty, she's used to getting attention from men since her childhood (that's my impression), she knows her own value. But she is calm, not arrogant, not bitchy at all. She's completing her first year of fellowship (rotations), and she didn't know what department to choose until she met me. She lives alone in the city, no close relatives.
How affection evolved.
We met casually at our medical center, I asked about her plans and, finding out that she wanted to sub-specialize in my specialty, I suggested my department, promising her strong support and quick promotion. She was touched, but she wasn't crazy on this idea (like I though she would be), she was shy of entering a new department, of using my sympathy for own career... Although I already had a crush on her beauty, I didn't rush the things, I didn't take her phone number, didn't see her to her dorm (although we live close by), I technically didn't do anything, 'cause I just didn't want to look needy.
But I got indications of interest every time we casually met. When seeing me she always smiled widely, she jumped with me into a taxi a couple of times, she invited me to drink a tea and watch a movie in the night, it quickly became a custom for me to join her on her night calls, and to have a good time with her, enjoying talking, watching movie, listening to music, browsing internet together. She announced that she admired my language skills (I explained a lot of moments in English films), computer skills (I greatly tuned her laptop and PDA into ), professional knowledge (I made a good deal of medical tutoring to her). Every time I tried to say early goodbye, she tactfully made me to stay longer (asking a new question, suggesting an additional cup of tea, and so on). I considered all this steps as IOIs, and asked her out, to watch a musical theater. She said it's a GREAT IDEA...
We had a great time at musical, laughing, dancing on post-musical dancing master-class, then walked we together in the evening, along the river, hand-to-hand. The evening was romantic, she was in good mood, I felt positive aura for advancing further, I "casually" hugged her lightly when we were playing snowballs, she flirted with her eyes, but when I came too close "to look what's in her eye" (actually lowering my head to kiss her), she pushed me away. But on the way home, I took her hands, did some "palm reading", gently caressing them, she didn't object. In front of her dorm, we touched only by hands, I couldn't find enough certainty for making one more attempt to kiss her. Later she sms-ed "thank you very very much, everything was great, but I got a feeling I owe you something". I said that it isn't possible to build anything good on the basis of "debts", so she can be sure that we will have a lot of great time together. She AGREED. A few days later I made a nice surprise, sending her a huge bouquet on Valentine's Day, she SMSed me that she was really and pleasantly shocked by my present, that I made her feel really happy.
Later she became to our department and I started to promote her intensively. I asked my boss for official permission (he doesn't take everybody to his department), I fought for her right to perform procedures (a lot of people was envious), I used every opportunity to teach her something important, asking every staff surgeon personally so they take her as an assistant on procedures. I arranged for her a place to rest, a wardrobe to change, I told her every trick I knew to make her life easier in the department. If she needed something, I tried to solve her problem. She needed a fur coat, I take her to my friend who arranged a coat she wanted for half-price. Her laptop died, and soon I presented her a net-book on Women's Day (she took it tentatively, though, knowing that it's an expensive gift, I had pressed her for an hour before she agreed to accept the present). It helped a lot that she gave me en expensive book on Men's day a week earlier.
How the problem started
So, basically, I tried (and still trying) hard to make her life easy, filling it with support, fun, nice places, good opportunities. And all of this I do silently, for good, not seeking direct approval or response. But when it became apparent that I have feelings for her (when I started meeting her in the mornings on her way to work and seeing her home after work, although I didn't make a love confession), she once told me that I rather don't see her home, that "she needs space", that "she likes her privacy" and the worst thing: THAT SHE HAD(HAS?) A BOYFRIEND FAR AWAY (where she came from), AND THEY DIDN'T BRAKE UP, SO SHE HAS HOPES FOR REUNION (I didn't think it was a bluff, 'cause once I noticed her talking to some guy by phone and she hurried to hang up when I started to show impatience and frown). She said lets just be friends. I told her that I like her very much, and that life goes on, and that once she came so far away from her guy, she rather doesn't go back (to a poor place), she better look forward, to new life, new opportunities (she knows that I'm planing to go to Europe and that I could take her with me). She tentatively agreed to give me a chance (although SHE FEELS GUILTY IN FRONT OF THE OTHER GUY, who knows nothing about my existence). I was happy even for such a tentative chance, but things soon started to go wrong. I tried to be more positive, more caring for her, but I noticed that now she keeps some distance, using various excuses to go home alone, to come to work alone, not to meet my friends, not to meet my relatives (it's due to her such behavior that she still hasn't meet my social circle and I hasn't meet her hers). I started getting an impression that I'm just being used (for temporary fun, for support, for career, you name it...). And worse, some of colleagues hinted at the same thing, that I being used. And when I had a conversation with her and asked the reason of her behavior (telling her that if she opened her eyes a little wider maybe she'd noticed me being the right person for her and not "just friend"), she ran away, SMSing me that " she notices all the good in me, all the things I do for her, but she can't answer to my feelings and she feels like a crap, because I could get a wrong impression that she's just using me. She said "she can't answer to my feelings because she feels guilty in front of the other guy". She made me understand clearly, that she's going away from me and my department.
I was crushed by her words, by her plan break up with me entirely, to disappear from my life. So the same evening I asked her for a talk, and we had a conversation. I told her to wait a little, to give me time so she could fully know me, and only then to make a final decision. She, agreed, but VERY TENTATIVELY. And I didn't see any bluff in her words or tonality. She apparently still has some connection with the other guy, who is so far away... And now, although she gave me a small chance verbally, she actively keeps the distance, trying to be around me only in the context of profession, but not socially.
Where I stuck
Now I'm afraid to ask her out and be rejected repeatedly. I'm afraid she's forgetting the good social time we had togather, I'm afraid to be used. I'm afraid of myself, because I'm so emotionally connected to her right now, that there's a chance that I can loose my dignity and to transform to a person who begs others to love them. But I'm not a beggar, I possess enough attractiveness and Social Status, I know several nice girls who would die of hapinness if only I make a love confession to any of them. But I need ONLY THIS SPECIAL GIRL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHIFT THIS SPOILED OPEN GAME TO RIGHT DIRECTION, PLEASE HELP ME!
And please don't judge me, i was already in love with this girl when she finally (in a very postponed way, after flirting with me a lot and using my power) told me that there's someone else in her life. I know that other one wouldn't care about my feelings much. This is simple question - me or him? Because I don't know what a person he is, right now I see only 4 advantages:
1. I know about him, but he doesn't know about me (if he isn't a fool, he could understand, though, that such a beautiful girl would not lack male interest anywhere)
2. I have a close communication with this girl practically every day (although now I'm afraid that she'll try limit it only to working context), and he is in another city, the best he can do is Skype.
3. New life/opportunities are associated with me (career, Europe), and a poor little xUSSR town is associated with him.
4. Intend to marry her, and that guy haven't announce such plans yet (she mentioned that particular mistake).
Help me please, I have only a couple of months to make this girl mine and to take her away with me.
What did I do wrong and what can I do now?