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  1. #1
    steals808 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Can I get the girl I have Onitis for?

    I have been in a couple long term monogamous relationships in my life (2-3 years), and have broken up with these women because I did not have oneitus for them, aka, they were not entirely special to me. Lately, I have a horrible case of onitis for a girl who just moved 2000 miles away after we spent a summer together where we slept together 4-5 nights per week. I have all the classic signs of oneitis: cant concentrate, look at my phone every two seconds, I have even cried a couple of times out of frustration.


    I went to visit her since she moved and we had an amazing time, she told me she loved me (I told her first), she appeared to have a genuine emotional attachment to me. When we are together she definitely wants me too, sex is awesome, and she acts like the ideal gf when we are together. I would like to have a relationship with her, I am going to post graduate school in the next couple of years and suggested that I look into schools in her area, she says that seems like too much pressure on us, and despite our time together she is also not ready for an official “long distance relationship.” She does however want to continue to talk on the phone nightly and meet up when she is in town. She says she wants to build trust and continue getting to know each other. She feels that our short summer together isn't enough to establish an official long distance relationship. She states that there is a possibility that things may develop, but she can't promise anything because she is young and in school and lives so far away, and life is complicated blah blah blah. Recently I was blunt with her and told her I know what I want and I want her. The problem is, I REALLY WANT HER.


    My question is this: Is life so cruel that you can never end up with the girl who you REALLY REALLY want? If I do really want her, do I have to get over my Oneitis for her? Most importantly: how can I lock her down and make her stay awake nights and beg for me?


    Thanks

  2. #2
    Finchy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Can I get the girl I have Onitis for?

    This is a curious one mate. You always find that girl and think "Do I really have to try the game on this one, and see if it works?"

    And in this case, you just don't want to crash and burn because hey she's the one you want. It is truly difficult. And they say in the game that you should forget about that girl and go for others, but man I feel your frustration. It just not is that simple.

    Now there really is a few options you can take. That is:

    1) Go total AFC and that is what your mentioning here (By moving over there) already you have demonstrated you would sacrifice your own happiness and lifestyle for her. It just won't work dude.

    2) Go after other girls. Forget this girl. This is the hardest option, and the most worth while. It really is a tough decision and it is a total 50/50. Most likely though, you won't end up with her, but another girl you will meet who might just be as fun and as engaging as her.

    3) Tell her how you feel, say why you love her, say that it won't work out because of the distance, and you should just remain friends. She will either a) feel upset and then make the move or b) agree and you will be great online friends who i'm sure will meet up some time in later life. Then go out and PUA.


    The truth is buddy, that the course of love never did run smooth. I truly recommend you don't game this girl. It will not work. What I can suggest, and this is the ultimate best 4th option. Is to keep her as a friend. Then create a hugely successful fun lifestyle. Meet new people, build huge social circles, have a passion, a dream and get out there and achieve it! If she truly is the girl you will spend your life or you next few years with, then trust me man. She will come running for you.

    I'm happy to help you get over the next 2 weeks mate of getting over this as much as I can, but from then on you HAVE to get out there. Have fun, and enjoy life dude!

    Finchy x
    Work hard, Play hard players! Oh and Man up, girls like men.

  3. #3
    steals808 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Can I get the girl I have Onitis for?

    Wow, what a week. Finchy, I want to thank you for your well thought out advice. I took it an ran with it and came out with some interesting results. I had a great weekend with friends from out of town, during which she was missing me (texting, calling). That was nice, but just yesterday I started to feel really insecure in the relationship, I wanted all of her and she wasn't giving that to me. I was listening to a David Deangelo DVD in which he says something along the lines of: “If you feel your power slipping with a female, stop, step back and wait till she comes to you,” he goes on to say if you are in a relationship when you feel the power slip you should probably break up with her especially if you get a twinge that the relationship may be ending. After much turmoil today, I broke it off with this long distance girl today over the phone. I told her I loved and care about her, and may want to build something in the future, but that at this point we needed to end it, and that the distance was too difficult. She was caught off guard, but said she felt I was acting strange the last couple of days. Anyway the conversation was short, she called me an hour later crying and confused. We talked it out and I got some things off my chest. Long story short we are going to continue to talk and see each other when we can, so essentially nothing changed and the break up is reversed. However, something actually did change...I feel like I have all the power back in the relationship. Which is what seemed to be slipping away from me in the first place. By showing that I am crazy enough to end it and walk away, she was able to see me as more of a man, or something like that. I put everything on the line, went “all in,” and it worked. Very interesting. I'm glad it worked out this way as I love this girl, but for that hour that we were broken up, interestingly enough I wasn't as devastated as I had anticipated anyway.



    Did I play this one right?

  4. #4
    Davidd419 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Question Re: Can I get the girl I have Onitis for?

    Steals808 after reading your first post I was curious to know how it'd turn out & in the end I like how you played it.

    Finchy I like your 4th option the best. I even think that your 2nd & 3rd options could fit into that.

    Steals808 now that you have the power in the relationship, I'd suggest trying Finchy's 4th option, which "Is to keep her as a friend. Then create a hugely successful fun lifestyle. Meet new people, build huge social circles, have a passion, a dream and get out there and achieve it!"

    The question now is what does keeping her as a friend mean? How friendly are we talking here? Are we talking about just keeping up to date with each other lives, as in month to month communication? or is being "a friend" more than that?

  5. #5
    Killian is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Can I get the girl I have Onitis for?

    I did write a little something on this, take a look here

    Sometimes, PUAs need to know


    All the best, dude (:


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