Liquid Courage

I have always been a shy guy until I have a few drinks in me. Last weekend was my first attempt at approaching and it worked great.
I didn't think anything of it as I was going to get my drink at the bar I asked a girl who looked bored why she wasn't dancing. She got interested and we started dancing at the bar and then moved it to the dance floor after talking some.

Anyways that night I had more than a few in me, I wasn't drunk I just had a solid buzz going. That got me relaxed enough not to care about any possible rejection. Now I realize that is not good I need to have the confidence to be able to do that sober.

Tonight I went out and since I was driving I told myself only 1 drink and I stuck to it. I spotted a 3 set and decided I would try to approach them with the "Are you shy?" I grabbed a buddy and told him we were going over there and that's what we would try. I walked up and a little passed them and turned to face all of them with the approach as I did not want to approach them from behind. I delivered the line and the first indicator I knew it was failing was I guess I did not say it clearly and confidently. I got a "what shots?" It was a failure on a few fronts and I realize that I did not approach with confidence and they saw right through it.

The good is I had the courage to go up to them without needing to be buzzed, the bad news is it seems my confidence is at the bottom of a bottle and without it I can't expect to succeed. Also the rejection was not as bad as I built it up in my mind. Not fun, just not as bad.

I don't call the night a complete failure I was able to flirt a little with a friends friend and was doing some serious grinding with a friend of mine (although she was pretty drunk and it didn't require much more than me being there and putting my hand on her hips). Although in the past I would have been shy and quiet and not carried on the conversation some and I would have gone all stiff and wall flower with the dancing portion, so some improvement.

It seems this is a process but does anyone have any advise or tips about successfully opening sets with confidence without any liquid courage?

Well the first thing you have to realize is, your lack of confidence isn't necessarily the only mistake you're making. There are dozens of things that can go wrong, so don't analyze a situation without knowing all the variables first.

The first mistake I think you made was grabbing a buddy. That not only portrays your lack of confidence to the set, because you need a friend to hold your hand while you sarge, but it also brings his Social value down, because it seems like he isn't fun to be around, so you have to find new people to talk to. This in turn brings your social value down, because you hang out with him. Thirdly your wing will almost be nullified, and lose his frame, because you can't both control the set, and so he becomes useless. Finally by having your buddy around you are almost screaming your interest to the set. They're going to know you're hitting on them, because that's how AFCs do it, and that automatically puts you in the AFC corner in their eyes. So the first thing you should do next time is, go alone, and if you really need a wing, get him to come 5 minutes or 10 minutes later, when you have already created rapport, and have disarmed the obstacles. Personally the only time I ever need a wing is to isolate the obstacle in a two set, or to help me with Acomplishment proof and Social proof with a HB9 or 10 that I think I need help with ( Hand signals that no one else would understand is a good trick I use when my wing is handy).

Another thing I think you could've improved is your opener. Are you shy, isn't exactly a solid opener, and unless you follow it with a good stack of other routines, you're going to fail. You'd be much better off using a "can I get your opinion on something" routine, or the old "did you see the fight outside routine", or anything that can last upto 30 seconds without falling apart.

Honestly though, don't get disheartened by my analyssis, the fact that you actually approached a three set already puts you above most guys, its just perfecting your game that will take time. And practice makes perfect, so keep trying and trying, and don't feel bad if you get rejected, and if you feel a rejection coming, Eject yourself quick to keep your social value, or you'll ruin your chance with the nearby sets as well.

Thanks Mike for the great response. You brought up some good points I had not thought of and it makes sense. I went out last night with a friend and the night was ok. My friend had encouraged me to try an open up a set on my own while he closing the bar tab, so there was a time constraint. The first set I was going to approach I waited too long, Approach Anxiety took over and when I looked back they were getting up and leaving. Then I approached a two set and it did not really take off. I did Eject before it was an official rejection though.

I didn't really drink that night and it feels awkward to try and approach sober, I guess because this is not natural for me and I am new to it. I over think normal things so in a social situation as a AFC my mind is racing. I'm thinking I need to find a balance when starting out with having a few drinks to relax and not over think things, then cut myself off.

To be honest, the reason I don't drink anymore while picking up is I get overly comfortable when I drink. This makes me start saying random stuff and forget the game. I compliment them too much, or I neg them too much, and don't follow the steps correctly. Also you lose your analytical edge when you're tipsy; cold reading, and sequence running are much harder tipsy, so I would say those should be the reasons you don't drink, rather than feeling less competent because you've drank.

As for aa, a lot of the most sucessful PUAs still have AA, they just harness it. Rather than sit there for 10 minutes and feel miserable, they sit there for 3 seconds, and then approach. That's Mystery's 3 second rule. What you have to try to do, is rather than be scared because of your AA, you should just use that energy to make your routines sound better and strengthen your frame. It might sound confusing, but its just a mind trick you got to play with yourself. Also, the more girls you approach the easier it gets. When it comes to the game, at least at first, it's all about quantity not quality. Approach 5s if you have to, perfect your game on them, then go up steadily to 6's and 7's.

I dont l ike to really drink when i sarge. normaly i would have 1 to begin with but leave it at that for the night, its a money thing but also becasue i dont think its really nessasary