How to grow a pair and approach...

Alright, first day on the forums and I look forward to the responses.

Sitting/standing in a club with a few wings and hanging out. Scoping the place out and see a HB 8-10.

NOW WHAT?

I know we are supposed to "go talk to her", but for those that aren't exactly 100% comfortable with rejection, what do you say yourself before you go?

-The Dude

I've always like the method where you remind yourself that you could die tomorrow and would you REALLY wanna leave this crummy world without having talked to her? It's a bit morbid, but it works for me. I'm sure there is a name for the method, but I can't recall it and don't feel like searching at the moment.

Ziploc, Makes sense. Those are the kind of examples I want. I read on here a different method where you give a wing $100 in 20's and have your wing pay you back a 20 each time you actually talk to one. I think that is pretty good as well. Just have to make sure the girls don't see him give you that money back, that could be a disaster. Haha

-The Dude

No matter what failure or rejection I am met with, they all pale in comparison to the self shame I feel in not knowing. I am more embarrassed in not trying.

I talk myself up to the point I owe it to them to offer myself. If they reject me, for whatever reason, it is their loss. Makes moving forward much easier. This attitude sometimes convinces them of the same thing and they change their disfavorable decision to one I find more to my liking.

I agree with probably every one on this post. You could truly die tomorrow, or today, or in 5 minutes. So live it up. I completely agree with Nik
I think it all goes hand in hand. You have to live it up. Not trying is worse than failing. While you fail, you learn. When you don't try, you get nothing back from it. Failing, in life, is just an ordinary experience we all go through. It is what makes us who we are. We remember our failures more than our triumphs because it is our failures that got us to our triumphs.

Best advice, do it or regret it. The feeling of regret SUCKS. The shame of a rejection will last 4 minutes. The feeling of regret will last for ALOT longer.

I have the same problem and most of the time it gets the better of me.. But sometimes - like last night - I just kept rehearsing in my head 1 simple Opener and went into thinking just open her and see where it goes. BABY STEPS!! I figure I should 1st get comfortable opening before i move on to another act. Try that, go out next time with the goal of just opening 5 women. Good luck out there!!

Another exersize I have done in the past is ask out five women, but don't accept a "yes" from any of them. I did this a few times in college where there were plenty of women.

The goal was to get them to say "yes", then screw it up so they changed it to "no". Controlled rejection makes the fall much shorter.

I would go up to a woman I had never seen before and ask her on a date.

Something simple, at first, "Hello. I think you're attractive. Would you like to go on a date with me?" The rejection was usually pretty swift with this one. Once she said, "no", I moved on.

I continued to build up my effort, building more rapport each time. By the fourth woman, I could usually get a "yes", but I wouldn't give up. I would overstay my welcome until I found what turned her off and made her change her mind.

I did this several times through my college years. It started when I decided I would ask out five women a day with the intent to take as many as possible out. At first, I was superbly unsuccessfull. That's when I aimed to fail, but learn from each one.

Now, I don't fear rejection.

Exactly, go in trying to have fun and mess with them, who cares if they like you. I often strike up random conversations with people and just stick around, refusing to Eject.

Tell yourself, I am talking to the next 5 girls I see no matter what. No excuses, no BS like "she looks busy" "or "I'll talk to the next one" or "let me grab a coffee first and then I'll approach". None of that. Just go up and ask for an opinion, or comment on her outfit, anything, as long as you say something.

Ask yourself the price you pay for NOT talking to her. For example the price you pay for NOT buying a car is that you have to take the bus to the university or have to rely on a friend to give you a lift. By not talking you'll never know what kind of person she could be.

O.k Man. All of the advice above is good for the mentality side. If you are looking for something more technical this post is exactly what you are asking for. I put it up about a week ago.

Proper way to open in the bar scene.

As far as Approach Anxiety is concerned. That will never completely go away. It is the fight or flight response. I have a reputation for being a good opener and still get the anxiety sometimes, but I have learned to put it behind me. What is VERY important is to build social proof at the venue you are at. Open EVERYONE. Then it looks like you are someone that she should be wanting to talk to. You have to lead the men in order to lead the women.

Another thing that will really help is to follow the 3 second rule from the mystery method. If you wait longer than that to approach any set that you have just seen then you start building it up too much. It makes it so you can't sit there and think about being rejected. This is what I personally do.

I suggest you learn some canned openers that you can practice over and over until you have them on lock. Then you already know what you are going to say. After you have successfully opened some sets you will start to get more comfortable.

Read this field report that my wing wrote last night. I was getting blown out all night and pulled it together at the end and he and I both kiss closed HB's just last night. But you can read an opener that I did in action.

My first (very long) field report, with Tropics