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  1. #1
    Eli G is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Question Complex situation, she has a boyfriend!

    Okay, so i met this girl about a month ago at a bar with friends. She is a friend of a friend. Any way she came up to myself and my friends and we hit it off really well, as the night was closing her sister comes up to me and says "do you like her? well she has a boyfriend!" Before closing this girl I ask her to see if it is true and tell her, her sister told me. She tells me its just a guy she has been seeing and its not official, at this point i told her i didn't care because I really didn't, I had three other girls I was talking to already. I sent her a little joke text to keep the attraction building and it worked like a charm we spend a lot of the rest of the night texting each other. Next day, we met for lunch and hit it off real well, she is awesome to say in the least. Educated, funny, goal oriented, can cook, outgoing, gets my cheesy sense of humor and all that stuff and of course beautiful even without make up. I felt like something was wrong, so i asked again about the boyfriend thing and why her sister would say that, she confesses that she has had this boyfriend for over 6 months, but is only with him because her sister keeps pushing for her to stay with this guy. At this point i figure fuck it! maybe i can get a lay out of it? So, I have been seeing this girl for about a month and yes we have had sex. I thing is, she and I are getting closer and closer every time see her talk to her or text. I feel like this is different, I mean we have spoken every day for the month, but feel like we have known each other for much longer, we connect. Any way, so this past weekend was her boyfriends birthday, she spent Friday and I think Saturday. On Sunday she called me to hang out because she said she missed me. I spent the weekend with another girl I have been talking to, so I didn't really have and reason to be jealous, but I was a little, I don't think I should have to let them go because she still has not let her boyfriend go. I spent the night at her house, but no sex until the next day after her room mate left. It started slow and passionate then moved into some rougher stuff. I guess I got a little too rough on her because she bled a little and had to go to the bathroom to clean up. When she came out of the bathroom, her demeanor was different, like she was upset at me! We went to sleep for a little because she said she was exhausted, when we woke up she was still the same. Something was wrong! I asked her if she was okay, she said she was! I went home and later that night she text me that "we need to talk"....i call her and she tells me that she likes me and i have all of these qualities in a man that she likes and blah blah blah. She says that after the whole bleeding thing, that she looked at her self in the mirror and said that she cant live her life this way, that its not right that she is doing this to me because she i don't deserve to be treated this way because she has a boyfriend and all and that, she needs to break it off with him before anything can continue between us. Then she tells me that she is really confused though, because though she likes me, she is conflicted between if she does break up with her man, does she want to jump into another relationship or stay single for a while? I tell her that I am not looking to rush things and as far as I am concerned, i want to take it one day at a time and just see where it goes from there. I tell her that if all she wanted was a partner to keep her "company" that she needs to be direct and I will put us in that place and not be concerned with progression in this relationship or if she just wants me to step down and let her see if things go well with her dude, we can just be friends. I mean I still have other girls to keep me busy if that is the case, but the thing is I would let them all go for this her. Its been a day since this conversation occurred i have not spoken with her to give her time and space to think about what she wants to do.

    Should i let her go? should i fight for her? am i wrong? if i should try for her, how should i go about it? or should i just see about trying to make this a booty call? Help! Help! Help!

    Eli G

  2. #2
    EverythingZen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Complex situation, she has a boyfriend!

    Quote Originally Posted by Eli G View Post

    Should i let her go? should i fight for her? am i wrong? if i should try for her, how should i go about it? or should i just see about trying to make this a booty call? Help! Help! Help!

    Eli G
    Should you let her go? Up to you. Sounds like you have other options. If your having fun then continue to do so. She is a big girl and can make her own decisions.

    Should you fight for her? You want to fight for someone who cheats on her boyfriend so that you can take his place?

    Should I just see about trying to make this a booty call? Sorry to tell you, but that's all you have had the whole time. You have been her thing on the side. That's fine and you can enjoy that, but don't delude yourself that it is something more. Yes you are seeing other girls too (and do not let them go at this point because you do not actually have a relationship with this woman) but after she spent the weekend with her boyfriend when she was ready for a little side action you came running. You should have told her sorry I'm off to do great and exciting things with these other women, but you can free up some time later next week.

    Not sure what happened with the rough stuff, but sounds like she finally dropped her self deception and realized she is a cheating whore. I couldn't tell from your post does she know about the other girls that you have? I'm curious because I think not and that her realization that she is one of many would be a further blow to her self image.


    As for her speech about breaking up...well its pretty and all but its not the whole truth. She initially told you that she is only with him because her sister is pushing him. Now she is not sure she wants to break up with him. Why? The question is what is she getting from him (validation, season tickets, a big dick) that she isn't sure she wants to let him go. Whatever it is its something she needs and doesn't feel she can get from you. If it wasn't she would get rid of him and be happily single or in a relationship with you.

  3. #3
    Eli G is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Complex situation, she has a boyfriend!

    Thanks Zen, I needed to hear that! I've been racking my brain this whole time over this crap. As for knowing about my other side dishes? She only knows about one. Looks to me like I need to check my emotions and and see about making this one part of the rotation, how do you think would be the best way of going about that?

    Eli G

  4. #4
    EverythingZen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Complex situation, she has a boyfriend!

    That's the beauty of it. You don't have to do anything. You've told her its in her hands. Go out enjoy your time with the other girls you have and when you see her act polite but disinterested. Let her work and earn your attention. You are the prize she has to earn not the other way around.

    Good luck.


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