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  1. #1
    Savadios is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help getting ex back after 4 month freeze out

    Hi guys I'm new here and I just wanted some advice. I was in a 1 year relationship, which ended in early September (she broke up with me), we didn't talk for 4 months then ended up hooking up again over christmas break (I go to university). On new year's, she let her other ex finger her and i promptly ended things, and now I have not talked to her since new years (another 4 months). I've drunk texted her twice, to which she did not respond. I have no idea if she's seeing anyone else or anything since we've completely cut contact. I am wondering if there is a way to get her back. Thank you very much for any advice.

    OPTIONAL INFORMATION
    Some background on our breakup: She wanted to 'be free' and said i did not 'make her happy'. she ended up having sex with another guy in november (before we hooked up again) a few times but said she thought of me during it (this led to the hooking up). We have had so much drama, from me being desperate to have her back at the beginning of the breakup, to her wanting me back in december but then ending things before I could take her back. I was beta in the relationship, but have really changed over the past few months. I at least want her to know how I've changed. We had a long distance relationship, I used to drive up to her city (45min drive) every weekend last year. Please ask if there is anything more you need to know in order to assist me. Thanks again.

  2. #2
    EverythingZen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help getting ex back after 4 month freeze out

    Seems as though you have identified the problems you made the first time around and are taking steps to correct it.

    There is nothing you can do to show her you have changed but go out and live as the changed person. Any attempt to prove you have changed is a beta act. Its you acting the part of the dancing monkey to gain her favor. It won't work.

    You have shown her that she can dump you , hook up with other guys, and then when she calls you will come running when she calls. You did this not once (when she broke up with you, hooked up with other guys, and then you took her back) but twice because when you broke it off after she got with her other ex you have since sent her texts letting her know you would take her back. The nice name for that is being a doormat.

    Once she has proven to herself that you were there for her when she wanted, she moved onto doing the same thing with another ex. Expect that she is following the same pattern with him too.

    Drunk texting is another indicator to her that you are hers when and if she wants you. Its another beta behavior. My first piece of advice is don't get so drunk you do things you later regret. If you can't do that there are apps you can get that will lock you out of texting for a period of time. You can turn it on when you go out drinking and set it to not allow you to text her until the next day at noon.

    I assume you have mutual acquaintances? If you go out and live as the new you your friends will see it. If they see it it will get back to her. That is the only way to demonstrate to her you have changed. Anything else is performing for her and continuing to be her doormat.

    If you don't have mutual friends and since she is far away the only thing to do is no contact. Any contact initiated by you at this point is a dlv. You need to wait for her to initiate contact. Then you need to think through how you are going to handle it. That is when you will be able to demonstrate the new you and make her earn your attention.

    Good luck

  3. #3
    SiliconMagician's Avatar
    SiliconMagician is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help getting ex back after 4 month freeze out

    Quote Originally Posted by Savadios View Post
    Hi guys I'm new here and I just wanted some advice. I was in a 1 year relationship, which ended in early September (she broke up with me), we didn't talk for 4 months then ended up hooking up again over christmas break (I go to university). On new year's, she let her other ex finger her and i promptly ended things, and now I have not talked to her since new years (another 4 months). I've drunk texted her twice, to which she did not respond. I have no idea if she's seeing anyone else or anything since we've completely cut contact. I am wondering if there is a way to get her back. Thank you very much for any advice.

    OPTIONAL INFORMATION
    Some background on our breakup: She wanted to 'be free' and said i did not 'make her happy'. she ended up having sex with another guy in november (before we hooked up again) a few times but said she thought of me during it (this led to the hooking up). We have had so much drama, from me being desperate to have her back at the beginning of the breakup, to her wanting me back in december but then ending things before I could take her back. I was beta in the relationship, but have really changed over the past few months. I at least want her to know how I've changed. We had a long distance relationship, I used to drive up to her city (45min drive) every weekend last year. Please ask if there is anything more you need to know in order to assist me. Thanks again.
    You've had one hookup in 8 months, you drunk texted her twice and she never responded and you STILL want her back after that?

    Move on. It's over with. The fact that you still want her back shows you haven't changed much at all. If you had changed, you wouldn't want her back you'd have a new girlfriend or better yet 2 or 3 new girlfriends. Whats the problem? Why do you even have her number in your phone? Clean it out, delete all evidence of her from your life and move on.

    Jim Belushi says it best in his book "Real Men Don't Apologize"

    The best way to get over a woman is to [Moderator Deleted - Disrespecting women is not acceptable here.]

    I mean, even if you could get in touch with her again, the minute she sh1t tests you, your "change" will crumble like a house of cards as your emo side takes over at her mere presence. Rip the bandaid off.

  4. #4
    Savadios is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help getting ex back after 4 month freeze out

    Thanks guys, that advice helped a lot. I don't want her back so much as I just want to be friends with benefits with her, since she's transferring to my university next year. I've already found an amazing girl who is twice as good as my ex in every way, but we're currently just friends with benefits as well (She's expressed that she does not want a relationship, but that's a topic for another thread). My ex is pathetic and psycho, but I did enjoy her company, and I'll admit I am feeling a bit lonely. Improving my social interaction skills, and increasing my dhv (volunteering in cambodia, learning french in france, landing an awesome job, and acquiring many female friends) has really helped me to get over her. I still don't understand why I want to talk to her since I don't really want her back more than I want other girls, is this a natural thing? It feels as if I still want her in my life some way or the other. The thing is, I know she wants me back in her life as well, but I've 'scared' her away by being so damn beta and clingy, I just need to reverse that somehow. We do not have any mutual friends since she was so far away, so the only way I can prove my DHV to her is over text, if she texts me first that is.

    Side note: my ex's sister and her sister's boyfriend are coming to my university next year as well, who I know pretty well and will definitely see at the gym a lot. Could there be any opportunities here? Also, if I do not talk to my ex over the summer and end up seeing her on campus, is there any possibility there too? Thanks a lot guys, really appreciate it
    Last edited by Savadios; 04-06-2012 at 03:33 PM. Reason: additions, grammar

  5. #5
    EverythingZen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help getting ex back after 4 month freeze out

    Quote Originally Posted by Savadios View Post
    I still don't understand why I want to talk to her since I don't really want her back more than I want other girls, is this a natural thing?
    Yes its normal. You want her because you can not have her. Its basic cat string / Push-Pull theory. Read up on it and you think about how it applies to you. Its always why we want our ex's who dumped us.

    Quote Originally Posted by Savadios View Post
    Could there be any opportunities here? Also, if I do not talk to my ex over the summer and end up seeing her on campus, is there any possibility there too? Thanks a lot guys, really appreciate it
    Yes, the opportunity is to game her friends and establish yourself as the alpha.


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