I know it's kinda long but it's only the basics, if you have any questions please ask. Thanks for all the help in advance.
We started seeing each other almost two years ago, both agreeing that a relationship wouldn't be anytime in the near future. She lives an hour away so this is a long distance relationship. She (29) used to live alone with the kids but since has moved in with her parents while in nursing school. I (36) moved in with my father and am currently back in school. We both have a year of school left.
She's the coolest girl in the world and I love her. I think about her all the time. I am not playing her, and would die for her! She has two children (4 and 7) who both have two different fathers. Yea I know... Throwing myself to the wolves. But I love her children too and they do to me. Her daughters father likes me, her sons father is a piece of sh1t so he doesn't matter, her best friend thinks i'm the balls, and her sister likes me.
So when this started I would visit her once a week not getting too close to the kids. She would visit me two to three times a week alone. We had sex all the time, laughed and talked, and would make each other dinner or a lunch to take to work the next day. I didn't give her the "Over the Top" I'm the best thing in the world treatment but wasn't an asshole either since It seemed she didn't want a loving relationship. It quickly turned into her asking me to facebook her as my girlfriend (In hindsight I think this was to mak another guy jealous). Things happened, mostly good and a few bad. I grew closer to her kids but then she started to look for excuses to consider us lacking "CHEMISTRY", this was July of last year. She said it wasn't right. We broke it off. I started to realize how much I really liked her. It killed me. During this time she reaquainted with some piece of sh1t dude, see above "the other guy", I only found this out from her two months ago. But three months after our initial break up last October she started visiting again. Since then I went to the "Over the Top" loving approach but we continue to be as she says only "GOOD FRIENDS" with benefits along the way. This other guy has a girlfriend now and I feel the iron is hot for me to strike.
She doesn't treat me like she did during the first time togeather. She tries to be my best frien but at times treats me without emotion just to re-enforce that shes not "IN LOVE" with me. She tells me her problms, which some I could fix if we were together. She tells me she gets lonely. She tells me she misses me. I'm getting mixed messages.
She contacts me often, but I let her make the first approach trying a hybrid Freeze Out where I let her do most of the initial contacting. I've told her that I want to be with her but she says she justs wants tobe friends. She still visits almost every weekend, and we have sex every couple weeks. I'm almost positive I'm the only one she's sleeping with. It does seems that when I want sex she denies me. I know this gives her control but I can't help myself an give in at any opportunity. She visits and we sleep in the same bed, AS FRIENDS!!!! I can't be friends anymore when she finds someone or if I find someone. I want more, I want the whole thing.
I've begun to work out some, incorporated boxing, and starting to talk to other girls. I have joined match.com and am casually dating one woman right now, 39 with a son. I can't help but think of my ex, and I want her back even as I talk to someone else. My ex doesn't know I'm talking to someone. Should I let her find out or not.
I really think the relationship is worth saving. She is everything I've ever wanted in a girl minus the kids she has, but I've grown to love them and would treat them as my own and am ok with it.
Really could use some discussion about this. Any advice? I'll be checking in frequently.