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  1. #1
    mitkoberba is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Ex keeps her new relationship in SECRET

    We have been together for 4 months, then one month limited contact, then I told her I need space and went No Contact, 2 weeks later my ex started a new relationship with a guy who she was flirting with when we were together and there were some gossip about them.

    What are the reasons? She does not want me to know that she is dating this guy for some reason. After 1 month NC, I contacted her and she was a bit surprised and cold towards me at first, then 3 days of constant texting, then we started to have fights again and I told her that this won't work out for us now, haven't talked since then (almost a week now).

    Please give me the reasons and how should I continue gaming.

  2. #2
    SiliconMagician's Avatar
    SiliconMagician is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Ex keeps her new relationship in SECRET

    Quote Originally Posted by mitkoberba View Post
    We have been together for 4 months, then one month limited contact, then I told her I need space and went No Contact, 2 weeks later my ex started a new relationship with a guy who she was flirting with when we were together and there were some gossip about them.

    What are the reasons? She does not want me to know that she is dating this guy for some reason. After 1 month NC, I contacted her and she was a bit surprised and cold towards me at first, then 3 days of constant texting, then we started to have fights again and I told her that this won't work out for us now, haven't talked since then (almost a week now).

    Please give me the reasons and how should I continue gaming.
    The reason is she's done with you. She may have some lingering feelings, etc but in the end. This is only going to go one way. Your best bet is to forget about her and move on.

    You froze her out and she found a new man. That happens sometimes. There are plenty of things game can't solve. It isn't a panacea for an already failing relationship. Game isn't an all powerful jedi mind trick that somehow gets women to give over their will power to you. If she doesn't want to be with you, all the game in the world isn't going to change that.

    Game is about showing yourself off as one of the best, if not the best option she has. That doesn't mean she'll consider you her only option or that she'll even take you as that option. The #1 rule of Game is :Be willing to walk away as in really willing to walk away, not fake it by Freezing Her Out and secretly hoping she'll come crawling back.

    You told her it wouldn't work out and walked away. Don't be surprised when your planned feigned walking away actually turns into a real walk away. Don't break up with them unless you are truly willing to deal with the possible consequences of the realtionship actually ending.

    You may have feigned walking away, figuring she'd realize she missed you but the truth is.. sometimes they don't miss you. You said the last month was "limited contact", well that means she was losing interest in you as time went on. 90 days is pretty much the lifespan before a woman says "Do I stay with guy for the long haul, or move on?" It looks to me like she decided to move on.

  3. #3
    jtut21 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Ex keeps her new relationship in SECRET

    It is difficult to give you a direct answer because there could be a lot of elements at cause here. You did a great job with the no contact but I wonder how you approached her after the period of no contact? A lot of times a person will try and fill a void with a rebound relationship that doesn't last. Consider having no contact again and then when you talk after about another week appear confident and that you have made some changes.

    All the best,

    Josh

  4. #4
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Ex keeps her new relationship in SECRET

    Great advice from SiliconMagician ^

  5. #5
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    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
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    Default Re: Ex keeps her new relationship in SECRET

    Quote Originally Posted by SiliconMagician View Post
    There are plenty of things game can't solve. It isn't a panacea for an already failing relationship. Game isn't an all powerful jedi mind trick that somehow gets women to give over their will power to you. If she doesn't want to be with you, all the game in the world isn't going to change that.

    Game is about showing yourself off as one of the best, if not the best option she has. That doesn't mean she'll consider you her only option or that she'll even take you as that option. The #1 rule of Game is :Be willing to walk away as in really willing to walk away, not fake it by Freezing Her Out and secretly hoping she'll come crawling back.
    +rep

    Write that sh1t down. Put it on your mirror and read it every rnorning when you brush your teeth. Solid. Good work Silicon.

    Shit. It wouldn't let me give you any rep lol
    Last edited by Cody; 05-15-2012 at 10:29 PM. Reason: no rep :(
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  6. #6
    mitkoberba is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ex keeps her new relationship in SECRET

    So most of you guys are telling me to move on, and while I accept this, this is usually the easiest advice to say. It might make sense to not contact this girl anymore in my life.

    On the other hand - while I'm ready to do it if it's necessary - I don't want to move on. I simply feel too confident at the moment to say that she is done with me, I have been working out extremely hard for 2 weeks now, just improved my wardrobe rapidly, I lead a better social life than ever... If you could advice anything what is NOT moving on, what would it be? Now I should contact her more often, maybe organise a meet-up for a coffee or just a chat to see where it goes, or I should go strict NC, do everything I can to improve myself and after a while I will move on myself by really meaning it, and she will contact me sooner or later?

    The reason behind me asking this is that she doesn't want me to know that she has this new boyfriend, that is interesting (she also told me that she is not happy at the moment). The other thing is that we have been together for 4 months, during the 1 month limited contact she was willing to talk to me, then I put NC in work which she told me she didn't want and made her feel terrible (she told me that a few days ago), then I contacted her again, being a bit too pushy. So we are more than 2 months after the breakup now and if NC worked, she would be trying to get me again.

    Now I feel much contact is lost between us, so maybe I should 'refuel' it before going NC again. But honestly, I can not imagine that if I manage to set up a meeting with her she would be rejecting. Baby steps, that's obvious, but I'm more attractive then ever.

    I think that with NC I have cut the connection between us, she thought I would never come to contact her again, moved on, got a new boyfriend (possibly a rebound) and now doesn't want to change her mind right after getting a rebound.

    Interesting psychological battle

  7. #7
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Ex keeps her new relationship in SECRET

    Ok she will still have feelings for you. If you really want her, do everything you can to get her back asap. Your wardrobe and social life are irrelevant in this situation. What is important is you prove stability and let her know she is number 1 in your life. It could be very possible she's keeping her BF secret to give you a route back in but I wouldnt dwell on it. If your not willing to let it go give it all your might and make her feel the happiest girl on the planet. You don't need games for that - reveal the honesty that beats in your heart with all your conviction. Don't wait for her to get you, get her now.

  8. #8
    mitkoberba is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ex keeps her new relationship in SECRET

    Yesterday I was out with my mates and we bumped into her and his boyfriend. We said hello and that's it

    I would like to hear some further advice, big thank you to everybody who has already posted.

    I'm not sure if it is a good idea to pour my heart out... That almost never works. What I want to do is regain normal contact between us and we'll see where it goes, because if we don't revive our relationship (not neccessarily romantic) now I hink we never will.

  9. #9
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default

    I didn't mean pour your heart out so much as get her back with 100% conviction. I dunno man I'd just move on. Find someone better. Always spiral up in life. You had her, now she's someone else s. No U turns, keep moving forward.

  10. #10
    mitkoberba is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ex keeps her new relationship in SECRET

    The weird thing is that I'm not in love with her anymore, but she was a funny girl and it was always good to talk with her, so I'm not desperate at all to get her into a romantic relationship with me, but it would be nice to talk to her on a weekly basis at least...

    My goal is now to get back on normal speaking terms with her, like if I text her it is not weird or we can meet up for a coffee or something.. I think it would be crucial to set up a meeting to make her comfortable with my company because she is acting really weird.

    A few weeks ago I called her and told that I it would be a pity to throw away our friendship so lets meet up for a drink, she told me that it's fine and said alright, then she didn't call me or text me after, then we had some fights again. Then she texted me about how I did on the finals, I replied my grades 2 days later (I was quite busy that time so I didn't reply right after that). Her answer was: 'OK. I get the impression that you don't want to talk to me anymore so don't worry, I have given up trying. Hi!'

    I thought WTF is wrong with her... I texted her that she is attacking me without a reason (again, because it was not the first time) and it won't work out for us but I think she is a lovely girl, and what I loved most about her is that she always made me laugh. Wished her good luck for her finals.

    Then 2 days after her finals, I texted her how it went (I texted 30 minutes ago), no replies yet.

    I begin to feel that although it was hard for her and took some time, she is over me now and can't decide if she wants me back in her life. She feels she shouldn't and tries hard not to, but she has some connection.

    I think whatever happens, I will try to talk to her in person and tell that I want to be friends. If you approach a girl in this manner, you'll have the opportunity to get more than being friends anyway (I suppose).


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