Hey guys. I am a 32 year old male and I live in the Netherlands. I have bought “the Game” recently and still haven't finished reading. But so far there are a lot of things mentioned that I can relate too.
Like the AFC for example. When I look back on how I handled things I was/still am a major AFC. I also thought that being “a nice guy” was going to work but it actually killed the love big time.
Couple of months ago my ex dumped me after being together for 6 months. I met her just after her favorite aunt died. In the beginning I was giving her comfort etc. because of her mourning. Afterwards she fell in love with me and said she has never met a guy like me. Normally she breaks a relation of after 2-4 weeks. The longest relation for her was 7 weeks.
All was good and well. After a couple of months I started to see funny and strange updates accompanied with pictures. Updates like: single, or love don’t even touch me, etc. When I asked her about this she told me it was nothing and it has nothing to do with me. Couple of weeks after NYE she had a big fight with her mother. She then told me “I don’t feel comfortable, have fights with my mom, I am on non-speaking terms with my sis. And you are quite far away (we had a long distance relationship)
For me it was the final drop. I told her what you want. If you doubt then maybe I should consider ending this relation. She was begging me not to break up, not to leave her, how I was everything to her, etc, etc, yadiyadidada.
So I was stumbled when she broke up with me a week later. One week she was head over heels and the next week she made a complete and sudden U-turn. It left me numb and frozen. How could a girl that was so in love with me change her mind over a period of merely a week? I really thought that she was the one and she is the special woman I was looking for. It really devastated my heart. I have tried to get her back using tactics a desperate stupid fool would use which actually pushes the girl further and further away. I wanted to know what the reason was for breaking up. She told me it wasn’t me speech. But not knowing why someone breaks up is tormenting. Evidently she said would it make you happy if I say that my feeling for you is gone? But now I don’t know if she means it or not.
She told me we could stay friends. But I said I need to think on that because I already have enough friends and can’t use no more friends and that she should give me a month without contacting each other so that I could process this nasty event. She knew what my feelings where for here and yet she called me after a week to see how I am doing. Like a puppy in love I thought there would be hope so I started to contact her (very stupid by the way). She then started ignoring me more or less. One day when I texted her she requested me to delete her phone number. I took this as the final hint. If I or somebody says “delete my number” it generally means “I don’t want to stay in touch no more, farewell” She also had blocked me on MSN. All of the sudden, when I was online on MSN she came online. She start to congratulate me because she assumed I had found an apartment and where I was living in Amsterdam now (she is from Amsterdam as well). But I gave her brief answers and told her I had to go and would talk to her next time if she would like. She went offline immediately without saying bye. After a week I had send her an email saying why she wanted to know about me and that the contact was over after she asked me to delete here from the phone. She responded with the statement that I should go on with my life and that it will NEVER work between us. And then I responded back whit a quite confronting and harsh letter. I told her when I look back now it there was NEVER something between us. I told her she used me as an in-between because I met her in a very emotional situation. She was a mess. She never responded back.
I had spoken her friend before. She assured me that there was no other guy in the picture and that my ex cried a lot over the break up. I must admit she goes through some rough period. Should i contact her friend and make small talk without mentioning my ex? I still have her friend's number in my phone.
I could talk for hour about this topic. But my question to you guys is how to get her back even when we more or less broke up in bad circumstances. Or should I get her back. And if so how do I approach this problem. I really want her and I do believe if I had done things as mentioned in the book we still would be together. But on the other hand I hate her so much for giving my love away. Either I want her back or I want to make her regret her choice of dumping me. I rather go for the first option :P
It is not that I am not good looking. I do get attention from women. But usually I also end up in the friend zone. I can be a bad guy and sometimes it is my nature but I don’t roll like that. Maybe because the way my mother raised me. Or that I was raised among women with not men in the house present to set examples for me. Please help me guys. I don’t want to be an AFC or someone who worships one-itis. Maybe I am afraid that I won’t get any better or won’t be able to get or do better with girls that I keep clinging on. I am 32 and my (Moroccan) community is also pressuring me to get married. But first I want to make up for lost time. I had 4 girlfriends. The first 2 relations where over after 2 weeks. The other 2, after 4/6 months. I did not even have sex with either one of them. I never had sex with a girl without paying for it. Pathetic isn’t it. Sometime I do think if I would ever end up with a woman and get married. I WANT TO CHANGE!!!!
P.S: If you need more information in order to give me good advice please let me know! Thanks in advance guys. Appreciate it.