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  1. #1
    MrStatham is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Bad Break Up. Stil wants EX Back. HELP!!

    Hey guys. I am a 32 year old male and I live in the Netherlands. I have bought “the Game” recently and still haven't finished reading. But so far there are a lot of things mentioned that I can relate too.

    Like the AFC for example. When I look back on how I handled things I was/still am a major AFC. I also thought that being “a nice guy” was going to work but it actually killed the love big time.

    Couple of months ago my ex dumped me after being together for 6 months. I met her just after her favorite aunt died. In the beginning I was giving her comfort etc. because of her mourning. Afterwards she fell in love with me and said she has never met a guy like me. Normally she breaks a relation of after 2-4 weeks. The longest relation for her was 7 weeks.

    All was good and well. After a couple of months I started to see funny and strange updates accompanied with pictures. Updates like: single, or love don’t even touch me, etc. When I asked her about this she told me it was nothing and it has nothing to do with me. Couple of weeks after NYE she had a big fight with her mother. She then told me “I don’t feel comfortable, have fights with my mom, I am on non-speaking terms with my sis. And you are quite far away (we had a long distance relationship)

    For me it was the final drop. I told her what you want. If you doubt then maybe I should consider ending this relation. She was begging me not to break up, not to leave her, how I was everything to her, etc, etc, yadiyadidada.

    So I was stumbled when she broke up with me a week later. One week she was head over heels and the next week she made a complete and sudden U-turn. It left me numb and frozen. How could a girl that was so in love with me change her mind over a period of merely a week? I really thought that she was the one and she is the special woman I was looking for. It really devastated my heart. I have tried to get her back using tactics a desperate stupid fool would use which actually pushes the girl further and further away. I wanted to know what the reason was for breaking up. She told me it wasn’t me speech. But not knowing why someone breaks up is tormenting. Evidently she said would it make you happy if I say that my feeling for you is gone? But now I don’t know if she means it or not.

    She told me we could stay friends. But I said I need to think on that because I already have enough friends and can’t use no more friends and that she should give me a month without contacting each other so that I could process this nasty event. She knew what my feelings where for here and yet she called me after a week to see how I am doing. Like a puppy in love I thought there would be hope so I started to contact her (very stupid by the way). She then started ignoring me more or less. One day when I texted her she requested me to delete her phone number. I took this as the final hint. If I or somebody says “delete my number” it generally means “I don’t want to stay in touch no more, farewell” She also had blocked me on MSN. All of the sudden, when I was online on MSN she came online. She start to congratulate me because she assumed I had found an apartment and where I was living in Amsterdam now (she is from Amsterdam as well). But I gave her brief answers and told her I had to go and would talk to her next time if she would like. She went offline immediately without saying bye. After a week I had send her an email saying why she wanted to know about me and that the contact was over after she asked me to delete here from the phone. She responded with the statement that I should go on with my life and that it will NEVER work between us. And then I responded back whit a quite confronting and harsh letter. I told her when I look back now it there was NEVER something between us. I told her she used me as an in-between because I met her in a very emotional situation. She was a mess. She never responded back.

    I had spoken her friend before. She assured me that there was no other guy in the picture and that my ex cried a lot over the break up. I must admit she goes through some rough period. Should i contact her friend and make small talk without mentioning my ex? I still have her friend's number in my phone.

    I could talk for hour about this topic. But my question to you guys is how to get her back even when we more or less broke up in bad circumstances. Or should I get her back. And if so how do I approach this problem. I really want her and I do believe if I had done things as mentioned in the book we still would be together. But on the other hand I hate her so much for giving my love away. Either I want her back or I want to make her regret her choice of dumping me. I rather go for the first option :P

    It is not that I am not good looking. I do get attention from women. But usually I also end up in the friend zone. I can be a bad guy and sometimes it is my nature but I don’t roll like that. Maybe because the way my mother raised me. Or that I was raised among women with not men in the house present to set examples for me. Please help me guys. I don’t want to be an AFC or someone who worships one-itis. Maybe I am afraid that I won’t get any better or won’t be able to get or do better with girls that I keep clinging on. I am 32 and my (Moroccan) community is also pressuring me to get married. But first I want to make up for lost time. I had 4 girlfriends. The first 2 relations where over after 2 weeks. The other 2, after 4/6 months. I did not even have sex with either one of them. I never had sex with a girl without paying for it. Pathetic isn’t it. Sometime I do think if I would ever end up with a woman and get married. I WANT TO CHANGE!!!!

    Kind regards,

    Mr.Statham

    P.S: If you need more information in order to give me good advice please let me know! Thanks in advance guys. Appreciate it.

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bad Break Up. Stil wants EX Back. HELP!!

    Its heartbreaking but mind empowering in the end. Take her advice and delete her number, delete her from your life. You are 32 and in the golden era of your life and Amsterdam is full of beautiful open minded young women. Do not contact her, do not speak with her, even if she contacts you. Empower your future by looking at the road ahead and not the rear view mirror.

    It sounded like she started looking elsewhere for adventure, got insecure pleading not to break up and then finally got brave enough to end it. Shut her out of your life and start having some fun being a single 32 year old guy

    One thing I pride myself on is I have never had a girl break up with me since I was 14. Sure girls have rejected going out with me but once in a relationship they all want to marry me. You need to be a bit nice, you have to respect women, you have to be the provider and the protector but you also can't make any excuses for being a man because they usually dont make any for being a women. Women are funny creatures, they try their hardest to change their man into a nice puppy dog slave then turn around and think 'this isn't the guy I once knew??'. Don't become a puppy - be a great white shark.

  3. #3
    MrStatham is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Bad Break Up. Stil wants EX Back. HELP!!

    Tnx for the advice WhiteDragon. I know I am in my Golden Era. I don't know why I have troubles letting go. I do have a problem getting to attached to people or items. I alway think maybe it comes in handy later. Or if i delete her i might never get her back. It's stupid I know. But I think this is a result of the lack of affection and love I have missed during growing up. maybe I am affraid that I won't do better or that she is the one.

    I really don't want to be that puppy no more. But thats me. I do a lot for people who i care for a lot or found of. It's my nature, but I am trying to change it. I know I need to be more assertive and outspoken. But still I do want her back.

    I will be living in Amsterdam within 2 weeks. So i will probably meet her one day. And do you think I should "accidently" message her friend. As if I wanted to text someone else but "accidently" messaged her instead and that i had forgot to delete her (friend) from my phone. Start a cassual talk without even mentioning my ex.

    What do you think. Is it still possible to het her back or should i move on. I still care a lot for her.

    Tnx

  4. #4
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bad Break Up. Stil wants EX Back. HELP!!

    The feelings you have are sentimental. You need to let her go for two reasons 1) the most important is so YOU can get on with your life and 2) so she can get on with hers. If its really meant to be SHE will make it happen.

    You have to think down the barrel of time and contemplate what would happen if you got back together? In the end you will re-cycle old dramas and it wont be like watching re-runs of MASH. It takes a longer time for guys to get over girls than is publically admitted. You'll go through lonely times, you'll go through experimental times. Eventually you will be back to an awesome baseline where you are in complete control and 'wiser for the time'. Then destiny will meet you and you will one day look back on this and go 'thank god'. The future is full of opportunities. Take them because life is short. Too many women, not enough time.

  5. #5
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    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
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    Default Re: Bad Break Up. Stil wants EX Back. HELP!!

    You need to change your mind set.

    You want her back and you still care about her because you're allowing yourself to do so. Stop. Think to yourself, "I could be dating five different women right now." Then do it.

    Read this.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  6. #6
    MrStatham is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Bad Break Up. Stil wants EX Back. HELP!!

    Thank you Whitedragon and Thank you Mr.1000. I really appreciate your advices. You are completly wright. But sometimes it takes an outsider to confirm what you where thinking or feeling.

    So you guys think it is not POSSIBLE anymore to get her back. Or at least to show her what she is missing on out when I will be living in Amsterdam. Should I make contact with her friend? Frankly I want here to eat her heart out. I want her to want me. Does not mean I will take her back though I am not recentfull I just feel a little bit bittered because I feel like a toy tossed away in the corner after a child is finished playing with it.

    Anyhow. The reason for me on this forum is to become like Neil Strauss or others PUA artist/guru's

    Once again thank you guys!

  7. #7
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    rs5096 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bad Break Up. Stil wants EX Back. HELP!!

    Hey MrStatham,


    "The reason for me on this forum is to become like Neil Strauss or others PUA artist/guru's"

    Virgil has a newbie guide: The Newbie Guide

    rs5096

  8. #8
    MrStatham is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Bad Break Up. Stil wants EX Back. HELP!!

    Thanks a lot mate. I really enjoying this site already. It's more than a community it is a brotherhood. Hope I can be as helpfull to other newbies in the future as well.

  9. #9
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Bad Break Up. Stil wants EX Back. HELP!!

    Quote Originally Posted by MrStatham View Post
    So you guys think it is not POSSIBLE anymore to get her back. Or at least to show her what she is missing on out when I will be living in Amsterdam. Should I make contact with her friend? Frankly I want here to eat her heart out!
    It's always possible because you slept with her before. But that is the weakest, easiest option and trying to date her friend is possibly tied worse or at least second worse. The only efficient positive option if you want to change is to find a NEW love. Change is the constant of the universe. You don't want to eat her heart out, you want to eat your own. She tossed you away like a toy, because you couldn't nip the bud and your reaction is to run back to the hand that slaps you like a coward, or, date HER friend. Your not thinking straight so you need to shut her out of your life and concentrate on keeping yourself balanced. Every 'community' has its pressures whether moroccan or dutch. You also need to decide what community you are part of by the sounds of it. I know I'm being harsh and it's honestly to help you but forget farking PUA books for a minute and wake up to what you know is true in your mind.

  10. #10
    MrStatham is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Bad Break Up. Stil wants EX Back. HELP!!

    I did not slept with her. We where planning though. No problem being harsh. I sometimes need a rude wake up shake But you guys right. I should really move on but it is scary for me. The way i was treaten is one of my thrives and motivations to succeed in life. I know what goes arround comes arround. But I don't hold a grudge. It is just that I am always being hurt by people i care for the most. I should make a complete 180 change.


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