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  1. #11
    Berglynt is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Lost girlfriend to a PUA - long distance relationship

    Hey guys, one more thing (I hope, lol). We have a mutual friend that seems to be trying to piece everything together for me about what happened. What is ok for him to talk about to her? I was going to ask him not to talk about how I feel and not give specifics on what I am doing. Is there anything else that should be avoided? Any advice?

    Thanks

  2. #12
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Lost girlfriend to a PUA - long distance relationship

    Get a date, as fast as possible. Whatever, even going to take a coffee with a pretty single girl. This will makes you feel A LOT better and she will realize that you are not "just a nice guy" as she started to think

  3. #13
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    Default Re: Lost girlfriend to a PUA - long distance relationship

    Sorry guys. Long weekend away for me. Ok I think your friend should tell her that even though you had real feelings for her, you understand that the break up was for the best and are moving on. That's all the "feelings" she should be hearing about. Other than that your friend should definitely tell you what your doing. As long as it doesn't have to do with any "staying home and eating pizza while crying" kind of stuff. In fact have him tell her that you are making a connection with ONE woman. Thing is.....if she knows your "whoring" around she may take it that your are dealing with the break up by being promiscuous. By having her think that you have met ONE woman that has caught your attention, coupled with your friend saying that you had feelings for your ex but are moving on, this will be a very powerful effect.

  4. #14
    Berglynt is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Lost girlfriend to a PUA - long distance relationship

    Thanks, I told her I thought the break up was for the best, but we have spoken a few times after that and I did tell her I still loved her. My friend did mention that I was sorry that things didn't work out between us. I will ask him to tell her what you just told me whenever they talk again; that is pretty rare right now as she spends all her free time with her boyfriend.

    Still reading things and hoping to put some of this stuff to use in the next few weeks. So much stuff to cover.

    Thanks guys,

  5. #15
    Berglynt is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Lost girlfriend to a PUA - long distance relationship

    Hi guys,

    My ex started contacting me more and seems to try to keep regular conversations going on with me. I am always upbeat and friendly with her. I listen to things she says, but I don't always give advice about it, I will talk to her a bit, (Chat about current things and joke a bit - not much relationship talk unless she brings it up) and then use an out. Our amount of contact has grown to a daily thing. A small short conversation now and then, nothing too in depth. She seems like she wants to try again, but she is hesitant. How can I tell if she is ready, she still drops hints and then seems to back off again. She has started calling me the nickname she use to use when we were together. She has also told me that if I started dating again, she would stop talking to me because she doesn't want to interfere with my relationship. I don't believe that to be the real reason, but I would like an opinion.

    Thanks,

  6. #16
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Lost girlfriend to a PUA - long distance relationship

    If you haven't been flirting with her then now is a good time to. Use push/pull to get her confused about your intentions and try to figure you out. Just make sure you flirt without any expectations. Purely to have fun and mess with her alittle bit.

    Her saying that she would stop talking to you so as not to interfere is probably something she would do. She may have even convinced herself that this is the real reason why she would do it. Ignore this behavior and always have the stronger frame. Tell her you wouldn't want to talk to her either because you may not be able to control yourself or something. Or call her on it like," Yea...I'm SURE that's the real reason lol," then never tell her what you really think and change the subject. Just make sure you don't fall into her frame.

  7. #17
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Lost girlfriend to a PUA - long distance relationship

    Her talking about you dating is just another Sh1t Test. She just wants to see how over her you are and she's trying to see if you're seeing anyone currently. I would remain aloof. Let her curiosity eat at her until she's ready to fess up that she wants you back!

  8. #18
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    rs5096 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Lost girlfriend to a PUA - long distance relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Berglynt View Post
    Our amount of contact has grown to a daily thing.
    This is not a good idea.

    Are you being her emotional tampon?

    Is she talking to you about other guys?

    Berglynt have you changed since you were dating? If not, why would things be different this time around?

    If you haven't changed then this is gonna end with her saying LJBF.

  9. #19
    Berglynt is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Lost girlfriend to a PUA - long distance relationship

    I have joked with her and flirted with her a little bit. She seems to enjoys the conversations. However, I just found out that she is still with the guy, even though she mentioned that she is having thoughts and problems with the relationship. I just shrugged it off and ignored it; but I did pull back a bit. I have no intentions of just being there to help her when stuff gets rough in her relationship. I let her speak then I change the conversation and then go for an out.

    I just thought that she was trying to reconnect as she started using nicknames, she sent me songs (one was a love song, another was about changing, and a few others along the same theme - still working on preception) and these videos (non sexual), but then later said she just wanted to share them with me and it wasn't like she was trying to tell me something. I just said ok, thought it was weird that she sent me these things. She also sends me pictures and says that this reminds me of you. I thought she was trying to reconnect as it seems like all the things she was doing were IOIs, so I started conversing a bit. Was I wrong to consider these things IOIs? That was before I found out she still hasn't seperated with the guy. I thought about using bf destroyers, but I figured I just need to pull back and just let her decide. I see how she is using me as a crutch. That is why I am withholding my attention from her. I will just continue to answer every now and then with short and simple replys and not ask about her. If she wants to do this, she will need to come to me and prove herself to me.

    I have a lot more knowledge than previously, not all of it is applied correctly. I still working on preceptions and the female mind. I think I narrowed down what she is based on the pandora's box thread, but not sure how to use it, I probably need to get the program to find out more details. I've changed physically, new look, new style, but the Mindset and such is a work in progress. I reframe conversations when I can and I don't let things she says bother me and I don't show any emotions about it. She mentioned meeting up again, but also that she is not sure if she wants to rekindle things. Not sure if this is what you call a sh1t test or not. Trying to think of a way to reframe this to something more positive. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Lots of stuff to learn still.

    Any advice on how to proceed or just continue to work on myself and stay away?

    Most of these conversations were short, a few lasted a little longer. Mostly asked about each other's day and current events and such. Minor relationship talk every once in a while.

    Even if this doesn't work out, at least I walk away with a lot more knowledge and experience.

  10. #20
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Lost girlfriend to a PUA - long distance relationship

    In that situation, don't hesitate with the boyfriend destroyer. You cane even go as far as "be careful, he is a nice guy, a bit insecure but that's cute, if you dump it you'll only find bad boys - like me "

    Don't overthink too much whether there is meaning behind her actions or not, they often do this kind of stuff without even realizing. It means they want something, but don't realize it consciously. Just don't point it out, and adapt accordingly


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