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Thread: Need help getting ex back ... can/will pay for help.

  1. #1
    shiznewski is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help getting ex back ... can/will pay for help.

    I'm sure its obviously by the title and the forum section what i need help with. Anyone who feels confident about being able to get conversation started and building the attraction again feel free to tell me how much money you'd be looking for to help.

    Quick summary, can go into more detail if needed: Was seeing a girl for about 10 months. We broke up in Jan because she said there was no sexual chemistry. She talked about how i was the best bf ever etc and still wanted to be friends. After a couple weeks things sorta just went back to normal, hanging out a couple times a week, dinner, movies, Easter with her family blah blah. 2 weeks ago we went a couple days without talking and then got into a little situation, and broke up again with the same stuff. "It just feels like somethings missing". She said she needs time to herself and we need time apart. Haven't talked to her since.

    In general i don't really chase girls (haven't seen like 16) but i am really attracted to her drive and motivation. Its nice being with someone who is always looking to better themselves and move up in the world.

    So i'm looking for help. Most things i've read said wait a month before contact and to use certain types of text to get things started again. I'm basically looking for a coach/mentor to help me out. Like i said, name a price and I'll see if we can work it out.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Need help getting ex back ... can/will pay for help.

    The usual advice is what you said. To wait about a month before contacting her and so on. Maybe you can explain the dynamics of your relationship so that we can pinpoint your sticking points. Things like
    - Who usually makes the plans or is the "shot caller"
    - How are things in the bedroom
    - How are problems handled between you two
    - Is there any jealousy
    - Whats the level of understanding or rapport

    It's best to be utterly honest about these things. So let us know and we can go from there.

  3. #3
    shiznewski is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help getting ex back ... can/will pay for help.

    1. Well I think the plans are made together. We both enjoyed eating at new resturants, so we'd kinda ask around and bring new ideas to the table and try them. It was my idea to goto NYC and see the broadway show Wick (she loved it). In general i'd say the plans were made by me more then her, but i'd often let her pick the restaurant.

    2. Things in the bedroom are crazy. When we first started seeing each other, things were normal, flirty, a few sext etc. Then she gave me shit about "never being happy" when I was trying to get her to remove some clothes one night. She said she wanted to take stuff slow and since she's religious I did my best to just be patient. A couple months in different situations came up and she would talk about how all her sister and sisters bf do is have sex no connection. And then she was talking about being uncomfortable with her body etc. So when we broke up in Jan i told her the "no sexual chemistry" is probably because she has been so weird about it that i have made little to no move because i didn't want to disrespect her. And from when we got back together (things were never really official again), i never really pushed the issue either. We were suppose to be going to Atlantic city this weekend for the beach and a stand up show and i figured it would of been a good time to try to get the magic to happen but those plans are canceled. So in bed = no action....yes i know sad.

    3. There wasn't really any problems. I don't think we have ever really had a fight. We pretty much agreed on everything. We have similar beliefs, morals, and interest. When we hung out things were always good, dinner, movie, picnic, shows, cooking together, walking her family dogs etc.

    4. On my end there isn't. And i'd guess on her end there isn't either. She has never made a comment or anything. She doesn't have many friends (could possibly be seeing someone though) and she knows my best friend is a female who i hang out with and talk to regularly.

    5. I would say things are good. She is a nurse and works 3-11:30 and most times stuck til 1am-2am. I have never given her an issue about it, nor have i ever had a problem when plans needed to be canceled cause she was tired, or sick or whatever.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need help getting ex back ... can/will pay for help.

    Hmmm very interesting. I have some theories, but before I say anything please understand that I am simply a man with an opinion and not a trained professional. So feel free to be skeptical.

    I think in life we should strive for balance. Too much water and we drown, too little and we dehydrate. Too little air and we die, too much and we still kick the can. So I do believe in such a thing as a TOO good of a relationship. You usually hear that there is no spice or spark in the relationship and the men are completely bewildered because everything is going GOOD. So check this fruit for thought...

    We as human beings are drawn to fix problems. We evolved as a society because of our knack for solving problems. Like transportation, food, medicine etc. You no longer worry about the process of walking like you did when you were a baby. You're infant self worried about that. Now you worry about bills, scheduling, relationships, etc. We require constant stimulation. We need to solve problems or ....puzzles. My theory is that your relationship has been "solved." That it is no longer the challenge it once was and therefore no longer a stimulation. Ever wonder why women can stay with an abusive man for so long. Yes part of it is fear of what he might do if she leaves, but there's a big part that has to do with hoping he will CHANGE. He is a puzzle or problem to her that she needs to fix. Constant stimulation.

    Now I don't recommend going to this extreme, but I do recommend some.....unpredictab ility in your behavior. Giving a woman mixed signals or not giving her the whole answer can be very stimulating. They reach for more of you because now you have become a puzzle, a problem, a challenge. It's these kinds of things and more that can add the spark back in.

    As for the bedroom, it sounds more like a comfort issue on her part. Now there are ways to increase her comfort with you in the bedroom, but it still requires her to be willing to try new things. Again all of this is simply my opinion. Hope this helps.

  5. #5
    shiznewski is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help getting ex back ... can/will pay for help.

    I agree with everything you said. The comfort in the bedroom was just simple misunderstanding... me wanting to respect her, figuring she'd make a move when ready and her assuming i'd just go for it, which then made the situation a little awkward. Personally my idea was to jsut do it and see what happened after, once you get started the awkwardness would go away imo.

    The problem i have is how to get the lines of communications back open. I have set the goal of 3 weeks with no contact, and then sending her a text to try to break the silence, and try to set things up to pull her interest back.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Need help getting ex back ... can/will pay for help.

    There are many ways to re-intiate contact. But it may be awkward coming under the radar. So you may have to be upfront about the situation depending on how the 3 weeks go. Mind you it is perfectly fine if she contacts you during the 3 weeks. You can respond if she does. If not then you will have to let her know that you understand that the breakup was for the best and that you would like to be friends.

    Yes I'm sure you don't want to hear the "f" word, but it is easier than you think to turn a friendship around, especially if it's with an ex. Just have to avoid things like allowing her to talk about other guys and control your jealousy if you find out she is dating. Mind you getting out of the friend zone has NOTHING to do with CONVINCING her otherwise. It's more about your actions than your words. You are going to show her your attractive side and allow her to come to the conclusion that she wants you back. Also this should create a fear of loss if you show her you are happy without her. Especially if she knows you are seeing someone else.

    Fear of loss is a big thing here. It's one of the major factors that determine two people becoming monogamus in the first place. Giving the illusion of a protected investment with an apparent relationship title.

  7. #7
    shiznewski is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help getting ex back ... can/will pay for help.

    Well I actually purchased this ebook about getting your ex back, and oddly enough it actually had some good points and examples for re-opening the contact. I was actually surprised. I highly doubt that she will contact me.

    The "f" word doesn't actually scare me at all. I actually firmly believe if we get back to the friend stage I can get things to go the way I want. You raise some good points, the jealousy thing is pretty easy for me to control. I am pretty good at handling that. It would be pretty much impossible for her to know i'm seeing someone else because we don't have the same friends, and I don't have a facebook or any social site for that matter.

    I really appreciate the amount of thought you are putting into the responses. My biggest problem is going to be in the beginning, when i do try to open the communication again. I want to make sure to say the right things, and make her want more, instead of me being the initiator (after the first time or two). I figured people on this site with good game and self control will be able to help me handle those first couple convo's. Which is worth a lot to me.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Need help getting ex back ... can/will pay for help.

    Yes we can help you out there. In my opinion, one of the first things you should mention within the first few minutes is that you "understand that the breakup was for the best," and that you would like to be friends (disqualification). Use casual conversation to gauge her receptivity to you and go from there (calibrate). Then you want to display the attractive traits when you hang out together as "friends."

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Need help getting ex back ... can/will pay for help.

    Caution you might not like what I have to say! However I speak from the heart. FauxPas here. I'm afraid the ship has sailed, and your left on the dock. Cut your losses and realize there is an even better boat headed your way. You just need to get a better map to get to the right dock. That's what your going to learn here. I'm being brutal with you because it sounds just like me! And I've wasted a lot of time on the wrong dock! I used to put girls on a pedestal, and respect their wishes for not pushing sex, because I thought that was the proper thing to do. It's not the proper thing to do! Sex is the right thing, you are the prize not her. You have given her the upper hand, and women don't want to lead. Use the info here, it's free. Don't be so desperate to buy her back, it didn't work before and it won't work in the future. I honestly don't think it would be a good thing for anyone here to accept any money, we're here to profit from each other, not financially. Well at least not me! Good luck, and good vibes. Ciao, Fauxpas

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    RogersGuy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Red face Re: Need help getting ex back ... can/will pay for help.

    Totally understand where you're coming from man. People always try to make you look at a positive stance of the situation, but when you want someone.. you want them. Don't be ashamed to admit it. Only thing I'd suggest is checking out that relationship rewind program (banner above somewhere).

    Good luck bro

    Roger
    Last edited by KristiBell; 06-21-2012 at 07:23 AM.


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