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  1. #1
    jdeazy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help getting her back, willing to trade personal training advice

    Hey guys

    Need some advice as to what to do in regards to my situation. I started dating this girl in January, and things had progressed reasonably well as we had a lot of things in common and we enjoyed eachothers company. She's a bikini model and terribly insecure, needed constant validtation, and took offense when she'd send me pictures at work and I'd ignore them. Sex was good, although I was really concerned with treating her with respect, and probably didn't push things as hard as I should of as she really got a lot of validation from it. Things where going really well until about three weeks ago when there was something going on at my job where I was under quite a lot of stress and she was internalizing it (asking if we where okay), etc... Things got worse and there was a growing distance between us, it culminated with us having a huge discussion about where we saw the relationship going and how we felt about eachother. She had originally wanted to take a break, but after asking why I discovered that she was just concerned with where I saw the relationship going, I confessed my love for her and told her that I saw us moving in together in the future and travelling together once we finished our show prep (I'm a bb competitor). After I said all that I said 'I'm totally comfortable if you left now, you know how I feel and if you wanna walk go ahead'. She decided to stay said she loved me. The next day we spent together at both our parents places and things seemed to be going well.

    fast foward to Wednesday, she was starting to act like hanging out was a chore, not being affectionate via text and all around not very interactive when we hung out.

    Thursday got worse, she was ignoring my texts, and talking at me, not to me, and also cancelled our plans for the long weekend to spend with her wedding party friends(a side note to the wedding, was that she asked me to go to it 3 months into our relationship, I said that I'm not comfortable making that commitment to something a year away). Friday we went out to a dinner for her friend, and she was distant and out right rude, trying to run my show (trying to tell me what to do), I was so flabber ghasted and upset since I was so vulnerable after what I had said, she was definitively taking advantage of my weakness (yes, I know never show weakness, but when she brought that stuff out of me, I felt exposed, and she knew she had me.

    Over the weekend, her Texting became even more vague, and unaffcetionate, I talked to one of her gf's and she flat told me to dump her as she's probably going to do it anyway, and more than likely had someone waiting in the wings. After some hard thinking, I texted her, calling her out on her bs, and broke up with her before she could do it.

    I had tried to be amicable and she said she didn't want to meet me (as we have to work together in a few weeks). Later that evening, she texted me saying she wanted to chat, but couldn't because she didn't want to wake up her roommate (clear avoidance), and then tried phoning the next day. I haven't replied or spoken to her since I sent the break up text (I know it was immature, but I knew it was the last card I had to play). She's texted me asking why I'm ignoring, and this past Thursday left a pretty harsh voicemail, where she said she was going to explain herself, but all she did was use my break up text as ammunition to get me upset.

    Everyone I've talked to said she probably had found someone else to entertain her, as it's summer time she's looking good and I wasn't giving her enough validation, plus her M/O has always been new guys, that are exciting, apparently this is the most stable relationship she's been in.


    My question is how to get attraction back from her, she's upset that I'm not paying any attention to her, but how do I capitalize on that and use it create doubt that she's doing the right thing?

    Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    rs5096's Avatar
    rs5096 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help getting her back, willing to trade personal training advice

    For starters read Virgil's newbie guide: The Newbie Guide

  3. #3
    Link777 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help getting her back, willing to trade personal training advice

    Hey jdeazy!
    I'm not too good at getting big gym, but I'm pretty decent with relationships so let me see if I can help you out. First man let me say that you were acting totally AFC. AFC means average frustrated chump incase you didn't know. It seems like you were acting really needy and emotional man. She knew she could call the shots in the relationship so she did, and as soon as this initial spark ended, she basically just got bored with you, and that made you self conscious and vulnerable which she could again feed on. Anyways if I were you I would first freeze her out. This means you dont talk to her for awhile. Now you get with some other girls man. YOU ARE A BODY BUILDER. Have some confidence and this should be cake. Now when you see her in a couple weeks pretend like everything is going your way and life is amazing, regardless if it or not. Always remember that you are the catch and she is not. You are the alpha male and you call the shots. Also when you see her maybe even bring some girls along you have been seeing. Nothing will bring her back faster then pre selection and jealousy. Just make sure not to over do it, or she will get just super mad. Then once she sees that you are doing 1000x better then she is, you will most likely be getting a text or a call saying how she wants you back and misses you. Then you can try it again from there. I would recommend reading that newbie guide and maybe some books and other threads on this site so you can stop being so AFC. But don't worry man everyone starts somewhere and we are all here to learn. Sincerely
    Link

  4. #4
    jdeazy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help getting her back, willing to trade personal training advice

    I totally agree with you guys, I know I was fell apart in the end, and that's the reason she left. I'm Freezing Her Out, but she continues to text inappropriate things (like I still want to be friends), why are you being so immature, we need to see each other in the future and you're making this so akward etc.., left a message on my phone basically re-iterating my break up message trying to illicit a response

    I know I acted like an AFC, and I know at the end I wasn't displaying Alpha male characteristics. I was so focused on making her feel that I liked her for her and not who she was, not to mention I was so focused on my show prep for August. This is the other issue I we both sponsored by the same supplement company and we have to have a photo shoot together, I wanna at least have my stuff together for that so she's not going to have an affect on me.

    First step is to pick up more girls, and let her see it, but not make it to obvious, and can some one please interpret what she's doing?

  5. #5
    jdeazy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help getting her back, willing to trade personal training advice

    Also i've read the game a bunch of times, mehow's attraction system (a few years ago), art of seduction, the mystery method cd's etc...

    I totally acknowledge what I did wrong, before I became needy I told her the way I felt and there was the door, and was totally comfortable if she left, she didn't reciprocated 'I love you', and it was all good. Then as I stated in my original post she got more distant and the then I started to freak out and start losing control, and then I lost it.

    Thanks for the replies guys, like I said my offer still stands if anyone has any interest.

  6. #6
    Link777 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help getting her back, willing to trade personal training advice

    Honesty shes probably just trying to reconcile the relationship she thinks is over. I think you shouldn't completely freeze her out, because if you don't text her back it makes it seem like you are hurt and a tad AFC. Just text her back like you are happy it's over and keep the texts short and sweet, and most importantly dont be rude either. The most important thing is to show her that you are doing better then her. Whenever you see her just act very happy, and act like everything is great. I think maybe bringing some girls to watch your photo shoot might not be a bad idea also. Thanks for the offer too man I might PM you about some exercise and diet advise.
    Link

  7. #7
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need help getting her back, willing to trade personal training advice

    These guys are giving good advice, but there is something I'd like to add.

    There are some women that are the type that need constant validation. (which you have already confirmed that she is). The trick is that once you DO give them that validation they don't want it anymore and they look for it somewhere else. These women are not the healthiest to be with because you can never call them beautiful, tell them how good they are in bed, and even sometimes not be able to tell them you love them without creating some kind of doubt. They require constant emotional stimulation which they only get from lack of validation. Notice how the only times she's made an effort to reach out to you is when you created doubt in her mind about where shr stands with you. I wouldn't try too hard to get back with this one because she will just bring more drama and you will never be on 100% ground with her. Maybe a FWB. But if you do get back together just remember to ALWAYS leave her doubting how you really feel about her. But of course this is just an assumption that she is this type of woman.

  8. #8
    jdeazy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help getting her back, willing to trade personal training advice

    Thanks for the advice guys, and Link777 feel free to ask away, and I'll do the best I can to answer you questions. In regards to your comments Link, my only trepidation is that when she's been trying to contact me it's always been on her terms and she's called me when she knows more or less I won't answer, as I stated in my original post she said she'd phone at this time, said she couldn't because she didn't want to wake up her roommate (lack of respect).

    The one voicemail she left all she was trying to do is get me to react emotionally, she didn't state anything in regard to why she did what she did, just that I was being immature, and making things awkward for the both of us etc...

    I feel like if I respond I'm falling in to her frame that every guy she's ever dated always begs for her back (giving her that validation she needs). If I continue to ignore isn't only gonna wear on her as long as things keep on going well for me.

    I'm pretty confident I'm gonna do well at the show, and it's really up in the air how she'll do simply because there's more girls that do it so I know that'll have some effect. In addition to that I'm already shooting with two other girls, I was suppose to shoot with her, but I already talked to my sponsors and stated that it's probably a better idea that we don't (now I'm thinking that was a mistake, but I felt it was the professional thing to do).

    Also what's even more weird is that her bff added me to instagram liked a progress picture of me, wtf is going on there. She removed the comment and herself within a day but I still found it kinda weird, any insight?

    And in regards to accepting the break up via text, how do I bring it back to positivity?


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