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  1. #1
    ashlars is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Question How to get ex back after 3 months of NC?

    Hi everyone! Let me get started by explaining what happened with the relationship. My ex and I dated for a little over a year and everything was perfect up until about 2-3 months before the break up. She started to lose attraction; not physical, but emotional attraction. At the time, I had no idea why this was happening and thought I had done nothing wrong. I treated her the best way I knew how and gave her everything I had. I couldn't understand why she was pulling away. The more I realized she was pulling away, the more I pushed, resulting in her pulling more. Well, it took me about 2 months, but I finally figured out what I did to kill the relationship. I have been doing a lot of research and have found that insecurity, jealousy, and "clinginess" are some of the biggest relationship killers out there, and sure enough I was guilty of all three. The timing of when I became guilty of these things and when she started pulling away matches perfectly.

    Anyways, she broke up with me and I was completely devastated. It didn't help when I found out that she started dating another guy only 3 weeks after the break up. Throughout their relationship, we had no contact whatsoever. It was extremely hard to do, but I managed to stay away from her the whole time. Luckily for me, it just so happens that they recently broke up (he broke it off). Now she is the devastated one.

    A couple days ago, we ran into each other at a party and while passing by, she smiled and said hi. Ever since the party, I have been wanting to try and get back together with her, but I just don't know how to do it. I'm not going to be the one chasing after her again, I want her to be the one asking to be with me. So my question is, how do I go about this without seeming desperate and needy?

  2. #2
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: How to get ex back after 3 months of NC?

    I'm glad you made such a big transformation. It's an enlightening feeling to see what we couldn't see before.

    I'm not sure there is much you can do without looking desperate or needy. If you do happen to contact her you will need a strong disqualifier because no matter how you approach it, any contact with her runs the risk of being interpreted as you trying to get back together. Perception is reality.

    So either you can wait to see if she contacts you or you contact her, but quickly throw in a disqualifier. Something strong like "I think I'm gay." lol I'm teasing, but it does have to be a strong one. Maybe telling her you have a gf now or are dating someone you think is special. I think mentioning only one other woman is more powerful than saying your dating multiple women. But that's just my opinion.

    After you disqualify yourself this will lower her guard so you will be able to hit on her effectively.

  3. #3
    ashlars is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to get ex back after 3 months of NC?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    I'm glad you made such a big transformation. It's an enlightening feeling to see what we couldn't see before.

    I'm not sure there is much you can do without looking desperate or needy. If you do happen to contact her you will need a strong disqualifier because no matter how you approach it, any contact with her runs the risk of being interpreted as you trying to get back together. Perception is reality.

    So either you can wait to see if she contacts you or you contact her, but quickly throw in a disqualifier. Something strong like "I think I'm gay." lol I'm teasing, but it does have to be a strong one. Maybe telling her you have a gf now or are dating someone you think is special. I think mentioning only one other woman is more powerful than saying your dating multiple women. But that's just my opinion.

    After you disqualify yourself this will lower her guard so you will be able to hit on her effectively.
    I definitely agree that I need a disqualifier, but what can I use besides saying I have a girlfriend? My friends and her friends are really close and she would know that I'm lying right away.


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