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Thread: Help, dont know where to go from here on getting back X

  1. #11
    Victory37 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help, dont know where to go from here on getting back X

    hey, ok, i was afraid of the friend zone, trust me it scares me to death.. i guess i made a mistake last night, i texted her around 5pm saying dinner? she wrote back ok, and that she had had a horrible day, waiting for student loans that haven't come in, etc..fight with her mom, all that nonsense.

    i then go meet up with her like 3 hours later, put gas in her car, give her a few bucks so she can get coffee, then take her out to eat and listen to her vent about her mom and school.. i played it cool, didnt talk about us or anything, just told her i wish her the best. i really love this girl and it is hard for me to see her suffer over finances and stuff. I also think if I am not helping her some other chump will?

    Idk, I want her to chase me, and I believe in Cat String Theory, but what is done is done, where should I start now? It is a weekend coming up, and I am ready to be like the Alpha male, but I don't want to be mean.. how should I act when we are out?

  2. #12
    Saund128 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help, dont know where to go from here on getting back X

    You need to not contact her and if she contacts you don't just drop what your doing and be there for her. Picture a very confident Alpha male you know of or even somebody famous. If they were dumped like you were, would they be acting the same way? Helping them financially and listening to them whine about their life? After she dumped you?

    Let her continue to contact you and be short with her. Act like your busy or actually be busy. If you keep this up she might ask why you are being so short with her. This is when you ask for space. NOW GO INTO NO CONTACT. Give her the chance to miss you. In the mean time accept that it could be over for good, work on yourself, and try and keep your mind off of her. This will be extremely hard. Trust me, I am in no contact with my ex right now and it is the hardest thing that I have ever done but it's what I think is right. Think of it as a test. She is testing on how you will react to this drastic change. Do whats best for you man. Don't throw your dignity just to have her use you. Now go pass the test!

  3. #13
    Victory37 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help, dont know where to go from here on getting back X

    I freaking have not contacted her in 24 hours or heard from her and it is extremely hard, especially since it is a weekend. I hate this nonsense so much :/

  4. #14
    Saund128 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help, dont know where to go from here on getting back X

    Stay the course. Give it time. I know exactly how your feeling. It gets better. I can update you my situation as it will soon change.

  5. #15
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    Conquistador82 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help, dont know where to go from here on getting back X

    When a girl mentions that she has a boyfriend..it means that you are showing to much interested on her early in the interaction. Just keep the nteraction going and dhv more..and just ignore what she said or just mention "ok" and keep going!

  6. #16
    Victory37 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help, dont know where to go from here on getting back X

    saund, thanks bro, we are in similar scenarios it seems.. I wont contact her, it just is really hard, please update on your situation too, makes me know someone is around fighting this with me.

    I don't have mutual friends with her anymore and I deactivated my whole facebook for over a month now, until I can get my head right. I found myself talking to other girls venting and totally killing my image. I will return when I am in the right state of mind, so I don't know how to show her I am living without her without contact you know? Any advice on this?

  7. #17
    Saund128 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help, dont know where to go from here on getting back X

    You are showing her you are living without her, by not contacting her. You are showing her you don't need her to have a happy life, even though this may not be the case right now.


    Picture this:

    Say you keep contact and are there whenever she wants you. And say you do get back together with her. Would you want a relationship like that? Where you feel you put yourself 2nd in order to constantly please her. And always worrying if your doing enough to keep her around.


    I feel like I may be repeating myself so sorry if I do.


    No contact is a way to get her back but also a way to accept what has happened. Use this time to regain your confidence and to become the person you were when she falled in love with you.

    It's been a month and a half since my ex broke up with me. We had a small chat through our email accounts that I initiated and ended. I plan on contacting her next week and asking if she would like to go to lunch. A couple interesting notes to my situation:


    1) We are in the same college program together.
    2) We are "IN" a wedding together in a few weeks with a couple we are mutual friends with.


    This is partially why I am contacting her now, to somewhat clear the air before this wedding.

  8. #18
    Victory37 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help, dont know where to go from here on getting back X

    I see saund, well i dont have the luxury of being around her like that.. lol, so it is super hard.. It is so funny I had to update, as I am on these forums and shark's reading on how to leave beta and become Alpha, she called me!

    I literally stared at my phone the entire time while it was ringing and couldn't believe it. Remember, I haven't spoke with her since thursday, and now not even a text but a phone call? I wanted to pick up so badly, but I literally have no idea what to say. I also feel like all my pain and torture of no contact since thursday ( only been 2 days i know lol ) will be for nothing. Should I have answered? She didn't leave a voicemail either. Where do I go from here? I want her to want me back, so should I just act as if it never happend? call back? help!

  9. #19
    Saund128 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help, dont know where to go from here on getting back X

    I wouldn't say it is a luxury to know I will be seeing her. It does give me some hope but is that really a good thing.

    You shouldn't need to ask what to do after every incident. Make a plan and stick to it. If I were you, I would either play hard to get (act like your busy and be short with her) or tell her you need some space from her right now if she keeps trying to contact you.

    I personally agreed to be friends with her right after the breakup but after I moved out and got my head on straight I woke up. She kept trying to contact me for random reasons after the breakup and I was very short with her. After a week or so she finally asked if she was upsetting me by talking to me. And I straight up told her "I think we should respect eachothers space right now and that I cannot see being friends with you at the moment".

    I'm not saying do this but just come up with a plan and stick to it. There are plenty of videos on youtube about the no contact rule and I suggest you watch them.

  10. #20
    Victory37 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help, dont know where to go from here on getting back X

    so should I call her back though?


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