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  1. #1
    paddle23 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need some advice, girlfriend wants time by herself.

    Hello guys, first of all allow me to introduce myself, I'm a 20 year old guy from Spain, I was looking for some forum where I could write about what happening to me and I just come upon this one, which I must say it looks pretty round.

    I'm asking for advice because last Sunday 5th my 18 year old girlfriend came back from a two week holiday in Madrid, a much bigger city than where we live, she spent a lot of time with friends, hanging around and having fun. Well, this same day she came back, she told me she wanted to spend some time by herself, she has to study a lot this year, etc. I know and I completely believe her when she tells that she hasn't got any sexual contact or anything with anyone else, we've been together for one year and a half and she's the kind of girl who really doesn't need guys to stick around her, so yeah, I've been pretty luck with that.
    When she told me, sure I broke down a little bit, but I faced it in front of her and told her that if that's what she wanted, it was ok. She also told me that she still loved me. We said ''goodbye'' kissing on the mouth.

    I spent last week pretty good, confident about my chances and thinking this couldn't last much. I saw her on thursday (we share some really good friends and I have a pretty solid friendship with his father) at hers, we were not umconfortable at all though she would resist kissing me if I approached her, telling me not to ''incite'' her. Then we had a long talk about our feelings, she told me to see other girls and I asked that that didn't interested me right now, she told me the same, that she just wanted to be alone. Our speeches didn't change, and we hugged for like a minute.

    The next day, last friday, I was going to invite some friends of us to my house, since I was home alone. She came, I stole her a kiss but nothing uncomfortable happened. Now, bedtime came and we decided to sleep in the same bed, I started kissing her and although she told me not to she wouldn't stop either so we ended up making love. It was amazing and very powerful emotionally.
    Next morning we woke up and she cuddled with me in bed, I thought if this wasn't already solved, we would be together again pretty soon.

    But nothing further from reality, she didn't answer my gestures or kisses that day, what made me really angry, I couldn't believe it. That night, I have to admit, I stood by her window begging her to come home with me to spend the night together, I couldn't face the idea that I had to spend the night alone at home when we had sex the other night, I know it sounds really childish but you know better than anyone how these things are...
    She told me she didn't want to lose me but that I wasn't helping with that behaviour. She didn't want to tell me what meant to her that we slept together, she avoided the subject, althought I know it wasn't shallow at all for her, because we really connected. Finally, after a long talk, I came home, not before we kissed once again. She told me not to contact for some time.

    And here I am, four days later we've talked a bit on facebook, I see her friends almost everyday, because as I told you they're also mine... And I don't really know how to face this, I'm trying to do NC but it's hard, also since we share friends and I have some stuff at her house (books, dvds) that I have to get back (I'm not talking about presents of her, but things I lend her), she also has some things that belong to her in my house.

    I know I have to make up my mind about the idea that I might lose her forever, but it's quite difficult right now, I'm pretty hopeful I will take her back and I can't stop thinking about that. She knows that we couldn't be better with anyone else also.

    So that's my story, what should I do? Thank you very much to all for reading.

  2. #2
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    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need some advice, girlfriend wants time by herself.

    "I stood by her window begging her to come home with me to spend the night together, I couldn't face the idea that I had to spend the night alone at home"

    look man when you beg for sex it makes you look like a needy fark ! never beg for anything it gives her to much power over you, also you might consider pursuing multiple wemon at the same time, it will allow you to not be so worried about losing her, you need the mentallity that if she leaves you its her loss and you'll just move on to another woman, trust me this will work well to keep her seeking your approval instead of you seeking hers.

  3. #3
    paddle23 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some advice, girlfriend wants time by herself.

    Yeah, I know I fcked up that time but I won't make the same mistake again. Any other advice for my particular situation? Much appreciated.

  4. #4
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need some advice, girlfriend wants time by herself.

    It's great that you found someone special and I'm happy for you. Seems to me like a simple case of clinginess.

    You see if you are the one doing alot of chasing and showing more affection then you aren't giving her enough emotional space so that she can freely express herself. It's very difficult to chase someone when they are already in front of you not running anywhere. It's like being in a box with two airholes. This takes away the idea of a challenge and, if continued, can feel like smothering. I'm sure she's almost begging for you do go ONE DAY without telling her you love her. She already knows you do so you don't always have to say it. This is just what I am assuming.

    We as humans need constant mental stimulation. We are drawn to conflicts because we are natural problem solvers and have to fix things. Would you watch your favorite television show if it didn't spark conflict? How about when they leave a cliffhanger at the end of the episode just to make sure you watch next week. Smart bastards!

    You have to be her Rubix Cube and sadly my friend she has already solved you and looking for another Rubix Cube. This isn't her fault. Just human nature. So you have to become her Rubix Cube again. Send mix signals of your interest. Start talking to another girl. Pretend you're going to kiss her then push her away. This will confuse her so much she will get frustrated and try to figure out what you're up to......and she will never know. Hope this helps and good luck.


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