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Thread: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

  1. #91
    1000steps is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    I understand your position. Addiction can take over your psyche. It doesn't have to be drugs, it could be chocolate, it could be anything.

    But I disagree with you on avoiding the subject of your addiction at all costs. If you do, you're just going to the other extreme by over-compensating and the object is still controlling your psyche. It's the extremes between love and hate. Black and white. You're giving it power by making the huge effort to avoid it.

    What I want to get at is being unaffected in the presence of what used to be an addiction. Indifference. Gray.

    I will go to the party. It's unlikely that she'll be there but if she is, so what? I acknowledge our past, accept the present and look forward to the future. That's all. We will have fun. Really, I'm fed up with pushing buttons and pulling levers for her.

    I seduced her on Saturday but she's still convinced about needing to find herself. Fine. I'll allow her all the space she needs. She knows that what we had was amazing. I think that's why she cried so much when she saw me and I hugged her. The best I can do for myself is work on myself. And in addition everyone in my life will benefit from this. Because of how we left things I have a slight suspicion that she will be in my future in some weeks or months but that is not even close to being a priority.

    Oh and if anyone was wondering, I'm almost 24.

  2. #92
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    wow steps, i envy you. you are in a great position right now where you don't have to care so much about whether your ex is coming back or not, and you can use that to your benefits!

    as a phrase i read somewhere, he who care least control the relationship. That's a reason why women are attracted to jerks. i wouldn't be suprised if your ex come back after you are back in your element

  3. #93
    1000steps is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    lol this is funny. Someone with the power to interpret women please intercede.

    So I was on fb and she initiated a chat. I continued the interaction for a while because I'm in a very good mood. It was a light and fun conversation until I said this, jokingly:

    ''I'm going to dance like this ___ (stupid yt video) next time I go to ___ (nightlife place).''

    She gave me this attitude about how in two years we rarely went to dance. I tried to not give into her frame like I did in the last few months. This is how it went more or less:

    Her: How come you want to go dancing now?? (in general, not with her specifically)
    Me: I found a really good pair of ear plugs! (I'm in music professionally and couldn't afford to go into these extremely loud clubs without protection.)
    Her: ABout time you found some!
    Me: Yea it's been awhile since I've been looking for a good pair.
    Her: Have fun dancing. It's a pity you didn't find them sooner.
    Me: You can go dancing too
    Her: But you decided only now that you want to go dancing.
    Me: Not totally, we just happened to be busy and time went by!
    Her: We rarely went!

    I've also inserted things like 'I have to go to the kitchen' and 'I have to go to bed soon' in between some of these messages. So by now she said:

    - yes good night,
    hf dancing.
    swt dreams

    I didn't reply.

    10 minutes later she says: anyways, are you saying this purpose??

    I haven't replied to that. I tried hard to not give into her attitude about it and even if not 100% successful it left her wondering. Any ideas?

    Edit: Here's one theory: She doesn't want me to change in attractive way because that would mean she made a wrong decision. Sh1t tests all the way until she confirms her decision. Or until she admits to herself she made the wrong decision because I hold unto my frame like my life depended on it.

  4. #94
    striker12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Steps i think your in a really good place man Wish i was there! i wouldnt talk to her if i was you its easy to make assumptions and the likes.

    You seem good to go and remove her from your life, you should be proud of yourself man! in most cases she aint ever gona come back until you chop her.

  5. #95
    Victory37 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Sh1t Test bro, pass it, own it

  6. #96
    Saund128 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    So say you go to this party and she is sitting and flirting with another guy? Would you be irritated? Probably a yes right? So don't go. Do the unexpected. She probably expects you to go or assume you will because she probably thinks you want her back. Think of what she would think if you didn't go after she was expecting you to.

    "why isn't he here?"
    "Is it because of me?"
    "Does he have other plans? With someone else?"

    You need to create mystery behind yourself.

    Every Tuesday night, I went to this same bar for about three to four weeks and my ex knew I had been there for two weeks in a row. It was her best friends birthday and they were planning on going out on a Tuesday, and the only bar that is hopping on a Tuesday is the one I go to. So you would expect that I go right?

    Nope. Didn't go and of course she was there. Do the unexpected. It will create curiosity. Or better yet, develop an indifference towards her. Then this unexpected stuff just naturally happens.

  7. #97
    1000steps is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    The party is between a small group of good, intimate friends. They're my friends actually. She knows them through me. So there's very little chance she will actually come and even less is the possibility of her flirting with some random. Even so, she can do whatever!

    Any ideas on how to respond to this attitude she gave me about the dancing?

  8. #98
    Victory37 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    yeah, act like she was the reason you didn't go dancing..make its eem like now your single and on your own you can do the things you like..

  9. #99
    1000steps is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    I was wrong. She didn't wait at all to contact me lol. She texted me today.

    It's kind of strange. We're still comfortable around each other (she keeps initiating contact) and we're still attracted to each other (as proven last Saturday). The only difference is that she's not acting on the latter. However, she IS making an effort for us to stay in contact. Her investment in this hugely outweighs mine!

  10. #100
    striker12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Steps my only concern is that your waiting around for her to come back. Thats not a good place to be. I really think you should ask for some space and mean it you need time to collect your thoughts and not have her texting you. She could jsut be using you to get over the breakup.

    Good luck

    Striker x


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