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Thread: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

  1. #141
    Victory37 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    lmao, at one point i probably would have done that above line!! sucha freaking beta.. so glad i found myself..i have my facebook deactivated because i found myself putting beta statuses after the breakup, and talking to girls looking like a desperate loser..whining about it.. so its been this way for like 2 months now, and i can't wait to come back with new pics, new social scene, new me!!

    i am hoping that i will be able to get her to creep my page too because this is 2012 and we have advantages. keep using it to yours my friend, theres nothing better than curiousity. if she is at the point where she is texting you about it, that means it has KILLED her inside of her own head, because we both know she didn't want to send that text..but like i said, curious.. hehe keep up the good momentum bro

  2. #142
    1000stepss is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Crap! I met her again tonight by accident. I was totally unprepared - I was half drunk. We met in a club and we hugged a bit and she made a comment about how we must meet every time by accident. Don't remember much of that but I know I didn't take much notice of it. In the club we stayed together for a while but then I wanted to sit down on a sofa and I led her to that with me. Once we were sitting I had nothing to say (still drunk) and she seemed uninterested. I felt like she didn't leave just to not hurt my feelings. She kept saying 'hey go meet/find your friend' (a guy I was with). At one point (despite the small talk) I just gave up, gave her a very slight and hurried kiss on the cheek and told her I'm going to look for him.. I didn't even know if she understood or heard what I said. I just walked away without looking at her. I do remember though that when I met my friend after this I felt quite depressed. At times I think I went in for a kiss and she turned her head. I lost power here. Thanks, vodka.

    Anyway, fast forward 30 minutes and I'm walking towards the bus. I hear whistles from behind me but I don't take any notice of them. It was her whistling and she did eventually grab my attention by whistling part of 'our song'. By this time I was a bit more sober and I was much more confident. I smirked and smiled at her. We caught the bus together and the ride was cool. We had a bunch of small talk with a lot of Kino. I put my arm around her head and she obliged, resting her head on my shoulder. I mentioned something about how sexy I was in my new clothes and she made a comment about how much new stuff I got. We made some fun small talk about music where I dominated and then she said (in a teasing kind of way) that I didn't reply to her text about that 'slutty' girl. She asked about how we met and I told her 'oh you know, on the street' .. and then she asked me if I like her. I didn't reply immediately and she pushed away (still on the bus) but she stopped resting her head on my shoulder and moved away saying 'oh you like her!'. I said 'well you know there are many girls on earth'.. and she said ' yeah i knooooow it's not any of my business'.. we proceeded with some more small talk where I teased her and she responded well. Kino went on. Eventually I hurryingly kissed her goodnight and the kiss happened to touch the lips a little bit (I made no big deal about it), said goodnight and walked off.

    I'm a bit confused. As I write this I really want her back. I'm tired and a bit drunk. What is weird is that she never ever went out during mid-week and never ever stayed this long. I think this might be her reaction to the break up..?

    I might add something tomorrow when I wake up and am more clear but please, any thoughts?

    Just before I was going to press the POST REPLY button, she sent me this text message (it's 4 am): ''Even I miss you...sometimes'' (I think I made a comment/neg somewhere in the nature of: 'You know.. I miss you a little sometimes :P' but I don't remember this clearly.

    At the moment I have no idea how to respond to this.

  3. #143
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Your money right now, relax my friend. She's showing signs of buckling. Keep doing what you're doing.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  4. #144
    1000stepss is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    What do I actually text her back about her 'missing me... sometimes'

    Maybe something along the lines of 'I know *totally unrelated question*'' ? Her comment deserves a 'reward', encouragement and some attention.

  5. #145
    1000stepss is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    I didn't mention that while we waited for the bus I rested my head on her lap and she responded well. Although I do see that she's hesitant about being too 'loving' with touch, we're still very comfortable and close.

    I replied this morning to her 'I miss you.. sometimes' text. I didn't want to leave that without response. While I gave no attention to the text she sent in the morning about my 'slutty' friend, the text about her missing me deserved some attention (punishment vs reward).

    The ensuing conversation went like:

    Me: I know I know *cute name* ;p what did you get for your mum's bday? [I deliberately avoid a yes/no question]
    Her: Nothing so far you know aunt whatshername hurt her back!
    Me: Oh! For mine [my mum's bday - our mothers' bdays they happen to be within a few days] I was going to thisplace or thisplace but yours [your mum's bday] is tomo!
    Her: I'm going to check out a shop close by. I hope she [her mother] doesn't see me!

    a few minutes later - I was inconsistent with how long replying took -

    Me: I just got a phone call about [stuff related to a new job - they basically are giving me more to do so dhv]. I'm going to thisplace quick [it's not so quick to get there really] if you'd like you can come along, but I usually only go out with cool people! :P
    Her: Or you speak to random people on the street. Weirdo :P [referring to the 'slutty' girl] I'm going to do [some random thing she had to postpone and told me about yesterday] and then I'll tell mum I had to stay there but I'll be looking for her gift.
    Me: No no, cool people hang on to me!
    Her: Ahem! [that's a sarcastic cough over text haha] Enjoy them!
    Me: Careful about that cough! :P Obviously
    Her: Careful about STDs. Obviously.
    Me: Don't worry! I'm gonna get either something for the house or jewellery for my mum. Let me know if you find some other interesting stuff.
    Her: Ok. [random comment about the thing she had to do because by now she got there].

    So I think I held my power over this conv. I attempted to keep the Tension especially when she mentioned that other girl again. I can't believe how big of a deal she's making over this one girl I added on fb. Her profile pic is in bikini, but quite tasteful. But I think I never defended or justified anything and I certainly didn't apologize. I never recognized how huge competitive anxiety actually is.

  6. #146
    Victory37 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    bro you are MONEY in the BANK lol.. she totally is sweating the thought of you being with any other girl but her. in my opinion she is testing her own power of you still. like lui said, keep doing what you are doing.

    any girl showing that much interest in your outside life is definitely not moved on from you. i would keep the Kino to a minimum and especially the kissing. i would make her reach in for the kiss, etc.. that way you aren't handing her yourself, she has to earn that from you. get what Im saying? goodluck

  7. #147
    1000stepss is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    I think I'm too invested in this and I can't see it for what it is because I was thinking I lost it. But maybe not.

  8. #148
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    I never recognized how huge competitive anxiety actually is.[/QUOTE]

    Isn't it great! This is what keeps relationships going. I was so naive to this before. I thought that I had to constantly tell my girlfriend how she didn't have anything to worry about with me, how I would always be faithful to her and never hurt her or make her jealous. Now, I realize I can be faithful but I don't have to tell her about it all the time and pledge my undying loyalty to her. They need to know that you can be with other women.

    Good move on creating competive anxiety here. I think that she is responding rather well to it. Be careful though, she might do the same to get your attention and you need to be ready for that. If she does you need to ignore it.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  9. #149
    1000stepss is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Well on fb she had already friended a bunch of guys about three weeks ago. I never said a thing even though I was curious. Fast forward to yesterday and today and she is having this incredible reaction to my friending 1 girl.

    I texted Happy Bday to her mother this evening. I am genuinely fond of her parents because they were great with us as a couple. They took care of me as well. So I didn't hesitate to wish her mum a great day. She (the mother) really appreciated it and the ex sent me two texts. First one saying 'it's tomorrow not today!' and then 'she appreciated that'. I replied that I knew that the bday is tomorrow, and I wished her a great day from the start.

    So you guys think I'm moving forward in this situation? Getting close to the goal?

  10. #150
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Hmmm, I don't know. You're giving her competitive anxiety but where is the fear of loss? You haven't become really "missing from her life" for all that long.


    You two have been in constant communication since the break-up began right? I think this is an extremely important ingredient that has been missing in your case. I know she has been the one initiating convo's but I think you need to draw the line and tell her that it's probably for the best if you two don't talk for awhile.


    SHE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT SHE IS GOING TO LOSE YOU!!! She could be using you to get over the break-up. I know that you don't agree and you think that keeping in constant contact with her is your best plan, but that's only because you're too afraid to let her go all the way. At least admit that to yourself.


    Deal with your own fear of loss my friend. You're in a great place right now to just vanish form her life. Then, you sit back and wait for her to buckle. Those are your best chances.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee


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