Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Page 2 of 16 FirstFirst 123456789101112 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 151
Like Tree16Likes

Thread: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

  1. #11
    Saund128 is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 398, Level: 7
    Level completed: 96%, Points required for next Level: 2
    Overall activity: 4.9%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    83
    Points
    398
    Level
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    28

    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Just to add on.

    Staying in contact would definitely be easier on you at first. But if your intentions are to get back with her and hers are just to be friends then you are just prolonging the misery. I think of no contact as a way of "catching up" with your ex. Once your to the point of accepting what happened and understanding that it might be over for good then its safe to try reconnecting (if you still want to).

  2. #12
    1000steps is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 400, Level: 7
    Level completed: 50%, Points required for next Level: 50
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    89
    Points
    400
    Level
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Thanks, guys.

    Seems like we all agree, more or less. Sounds like no contact will create a gap making it harder for the both of us to get over it sooner. In the meantime we're adjusting to a new lifestyle while I work on myself.

    When we do actually meet the bad taste of the break up will be gone and hopefully the connection will be re-kindled. Unless one of us has completely moved on or seeing someone else.

    You know, she's lucky that I'm doing this to attempt to salvage a good relationship.

  3. #13
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 2,058, Level: 28
    Level completed: 58%, Points required for next Level: 42
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    187
    Points
    2,058
    Level
    28
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    96

    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    No contact won't make it harder for both of you to get over the relationship. Since you're the one implementing nc, it put's the ball back in your court which gives you more power over the situation--which makes it easier for you and harder for her. Women tend to check out long before the break-up. Men, on the other hand are usually blind-sided by what's happening. When the dumpee uses nc it shifts the balance back into the dumpee's favor. Ever heard that saying "don't know what you got till it's gone"? She now gets to experience that for herself because you are gone and this is exactly what needs to happen in order for her to feel that.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  4. #14
    1000steps is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 400, Level: 7
    Level completed: 50%, Points required for next Level: 50
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    89
    Points
    400
    Level
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Yeah that makes sense! Thanks.

    She actually texted me this evening about having the flu and she said she hoped I don't have it too (since we were together last Saturday - a week ago). I said I'm fine, proceeded with some small talk but I made sure to always be willing to quit the conversation. In fact she had to make an effort several times for the short conversation to keep going - my intention is to get her to invest.

    Things are still on good terms between us. We exchanged some banter and that's it.

    Am I signalling to her that I am always there to reply whenever she wants to contact me?? Because like I've said I am letting her doing the initiating, always! But that makes me the guy who's reacting to her, does it not??

  5. #15
    Saund128 is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 398, Level: 7
    Level completed: 96%, Points required for next Level: 2
    Overall activity: 4.9%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    83
    Points
    398
    Level
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    28

    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    If you are going to respond be very short and don't ask questions. Be indifferent towards her, meaning don't show hate or love. Be neutral.

  6. #16
    1000steps is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 400, Level: 7
    Level completed: 50%, Points required for next Level: 50
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    89
    Points
    400
    Level
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    F***! Did I mess up? She teased me a little and I teased back. Very slightly though!

  7. #17
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 2,058, Level: 28
    Level completed: 58%, Points required for next Level: 42
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    187
    Points
    2,058
    Level
    28
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    96

    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    No, you didn't mess up by teasing her back. Being playful is great. Being too available to talk to and staying her friend during the break-up isn't though. You have to play hard to get if you want to turn the tables on her. If she calls or texts, don't answer or respond until the next day. If she complains about it, tell her that you've been busy and didn't see her message. Then, end you're conversations with "I gotta go, I'm meeting someone in five minutes".

    Act like you're unaffected by the break-up!!! This is why people recommend up to thirty days of nc. Since it just happened you're still ruled by your emotions, whereas if you stop talking to her for awhile, you'll actually begin to heal and you won't have to act anymore. Your chances of passing her sh1t tests and getting her back while you're in this highly emotional state aren't as good as they would be if you just gave yourself time--and cutting her off will actually increase her attraction to you.

    We all want what we can't have. I know it terrifies you because your afraid if you leave her alone she'll meet someone else and forget you... You have to break out of that way of thinking! Instead think of it as a win-win situation. Let her go and if she comes back, well my friend, you know how the rest goes. If she doesn't then there is a better one on the way. You increase your chances of getting her back by letting her go. Strange world we live in huh?!
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  8. #18
    1000steps is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 400, Level: 7
    Level completed: 50%, Points required for next Level: 50
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    89
    Points
    400
    Level
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Great thanks!

    So I'm doing ok so far. I think that as far as she can tell I'm not very negatively-affected by the break up.

    One last thing about today: Just after we stopped text-messaging she sent me an email replying to an attachment I sent her. (She asked for it 3 or 4 days ago and I sent it today).

    I won't be replying to that mail until tomorrow evening or so because I'm going out soon anyway.

    Further opinions are absolutely welcome! I feel I'm on the right track here!

  9. #19
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 2,058, Level: 28
    Level completed: 58%, Points required for next Level: 42
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    187
    Points
    2,058
    Level
    28
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    96

    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Just move on with your life and try to heal. Quit worrying about what she is thinking and start thinking about yourself. If I were you, I would tell her that you think it's best if you two didn't speak for now. As long as she has you on the back burner, you'll actually make it easier for her to move on and date new people. Force her to go it alone without you. I guarantee you that right now, she probably thinks she could get you back in a heart-beat if she wanted to(and she could). That's not what you want her thinking... She wanted the break-up so give it to her. Plus, you won't heal any faster by staying in contact with her.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  10. #20
    ProtonCannon is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 178, Level: 3
    Level completed: 56%, Points required for next Level: 22
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    22
    Points
    178
    Level
    3
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    14

    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    there are bigger things to pursue in life than a girl. no girl wants to feel that she is the biggest thing you’ve got going for yourself. what do you have to offer her in return? herself? she doesn’t need you for that. it doesn’t make sense. don’t give a girl “no contact” or be a “challenge” as a lame strategy. give her no contact and challenge because you really ARE busy working on a great life for yourself - a life so great she wants to be a part of. the kind of life she's willing to chase you for. there’s no shortcut and anyone who says otherwise is lying – if not to you, then himself. or they don't understand how life works at all. you may also want to reconsider the thinking on a lot of the advice you encounter. a lot of them are fine on a surface level. but the reasoning behind them are reactionary and borderline manipulative. these kinds of steps will eat away at your integrity. they’re not telling you to delay or stop your responses to her because you’re busy or don’t care, but because you care too much and want to control the situation. let go of that. no man has control over any situation. he only has control over himself, if that. don’t pretend to be busy and actually go get busy - which is going to take time. all that faking is going to blow up in your face and you'll have nothing to show for it. move forward with your life. if she wants to get back together later, great. if she doesn't, you won't have wasted all this time pushing buttons and pulling levers, waiting on her to give you the final word. making the most of your time is the only REAL control you have. it’s the only control you need. don't come back to her with grand promises, empty-handed. a good woman will forgive a man for behaving like a man – taking the necessary time away to work on himself in order to make a good life for him and the people he loves. but a woman will not forgive a man for not behaving like a man – impulsively neglecting his own emotional health to make himself so readily available for her. he’s no longer the prize in that situation. a woman wants a prize.

    listen, man. you want to know how i got my ex back. i'll tell you. i did nothing. i listened to all the advice, laid out a great plan, and never followed through. i faked it. i spinned this great yarn about the wild, adventurous life i wanted for myself, which had no mention of her, and she swooned. i basically made an empty promise of a life to her. because i didn’t invest the time to actually embody all of the great things i presented myself as, the second she dumped her rebound to get back with me, i fell right back into my old, lazy ways. don't ignore the part about how i got her back and LOST HER AGAIN. all the fundamental problems we had between us were still there. don't just listen to the parts you want to hear to get the quickest results. you could get her back and it may last for years. but unless you’ve actually solved the problem, you’re going to get worn down and the illusion will slip. identify your problem and fix it. from what i’ve read so far that you’ve shared, you don’t seem to know what the root of the problem is – or you haven’t told us. you just seem to want to know how to make it all go away. or maybe you do have a plan of how to make your life better. having a plan isn't enough. put it into action. you could have a great plan. you could have the best plan in the world. but it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t put it to use. small deeds done are better than great deeds planned. take action. right now.

    be direct. be honest. tell her that you care about her a great deal, but that you are not in the best state to be a shoulder to lean on. a drug addict can’t help another drug addict quit. they’d just go get high together. i know there’s so much pain and stress right now that you’d consider taking that. but it’s not what you want, so don’t settle. tell her you need time to focus on your life. you’re willing to tell her this because you have a great life you’re working on and you are not afraid to lose her. and if this last statement is not true, then go make it so.

    i don’t wish you good luck. this is not a matter of luck. you either do it or you don’t and you face the consquences. hope you can make use of this.


Similar Threads

  1. ex back with other ex, suggestions?
    By Nextract in forum How To Get Your Ex Back
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 07-28-2012, 12:21 AM
  2. I would appreciate some suggestions for improvement
    By MisterFabulous in forum General Questions
    Replies: 12
    Last Thread: 10-31-2011, 03:36 PM
  3. Profile Suggestions: POF
    By JordanBrookes in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 32
    Last Thread: 08-21-2011, 01:19 PM
  4. Can't seem to close... any suggestions?
    By banza01147 in forum General Questions
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 05-08-2011, 11:13 AM
  5. Suggestions...
    By Swixx in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 3
    Last Thread: 08-08-2010, 02:02 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com