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Thread: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

  1. #71
    Victory37 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    of course say no! ride home after with her would be better ..

  2. #72
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Tough call...it is up to you if you want to get back together with her. Think if it is worth while!

  3. #73
    1000steps is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    This is going to be a long post. But it's the most important one so far. Thanks to whoever gets to the end and offers some advice.

    Like I said I was preparing to go out to hit the bars and clubs with some friends tonight. I arrive at around 11:30 and as I walk around a corner just after stepping off the bus I see her at the opposite side of the street. She's beautiful. She's wearing an elegant black dress and shiny shoes, her beautiful long black hair held down just as I love it but best of all, she's wearing a smile. A genuine smile. The smile I fell in love with. She's with a female friend and they're walking in the opposite direction. FOr a second I thougdht 'keep walking, she looks happy' and I do. I didn't feel my best all day; I'd rather approach her when my confidence is at its absolute sky high. No. On the other hand, I should talk to her. I want to. I want what we had. I miss her. I know she misses me. I know she will smile at me. I turn around and quickly start pacing towards them. I approach from behind and in a teasing manner I put my hands in front of her eyes. She has to guess who I am. Her friend recognizes me, I smile and nod and she does the same. At the same time, my girl touches my hands trying to find out who the mystery person is. It's definitely a guy, she said, as she touches the hair on my arms. I allow her to turn around and we make eye contact for the first time in 15 days. We hug. It's a long hug. I kiss her on the forehead and then hold her tight. She starts crying and her friend decides to leave so we can talk. We all agree. I say thank you, good night and she leaves. We are somehow holding hands by now and I wipe a tear of her eye. She complains that her make up is going to smudge. Were you planning on picking up guys? I tease and she punches me on the arm like a little kid. An ioi.

    I decide to lead us towards the beach where she can be free to speak her mind. It's a 6 minute walk and we're holding hands like we never even let go. It feels great. We make some small talk, I tease her' she teases me; and back and forth. It really does feel great. We get to a quiet stone bench next to the sea. I sit down and she does the same. We make some small talk about our days, what we've been up to. I try to hold a strong frame throughout the interaction. By now we can call this cuddling. I kiss her on the cheek and she comes in even closer. I immediately play the LJBF card, saying 'Do you think we can be friends?' She looks at me weird and fervently say 'Yes! Don't you want that?' We talk some more and she asks 'Why aren't you crying?' I smile and ask her 'Why are you crying?' Because I'm emotional, she responds. I stand up for a moment, take a few steps forward and she asks me if I'm leaving. I say no, but take a few other steps forward to take in the view of the calm SUmmer sea. I turn around and start going back towards her. As I get in close I notice that the label of her underwear and dress are showing so I take the liberty to turn them on the inside for her. 'Isn't it strangely beautiful?' I said. 'that we are still this intimate and comfortable after all these days?'. She looks up at me while shedding a tear, smiles and says 'Yes.' I ask her if she's still ticklish around the neck, stomach, legs while I tickle her in each of the bodyparts I mention. Then I gently begin to stroke her back, shoulders, tighs and she reciprocates. She doesn't say much about the relationship, and although this would feel good for an eternity I decide we should start walking
    I stand up and say 'Let's go' so we start walking towards the bus which she has to catch. Before we leave the beach, though, she asks me if I can see 'our stars'. A year back or so, we noticed three particular stars in the night sky every time we went out and we started calling them our own. She said she still looks for them every evening.

    As we leave the beach I press her towards me and she starts to cry again so we hug. I kiss her on the forehead and the cheeks. Eventually we start walking again and we go into a bar for a drink where there is always someone I know (social proof). I say a couple of hellos, introduce her, and order our drinks. 'So you are paying for these drinks?' I joke. She laughs and takes out the cash. We leave the bar and walk towards the bus. We get there and the bus is running late. 'You can go now if you want to meet your friends' she said. I ignore her. We're still holding hands and we're as comfortable as ever. I kiss her on the nose and then the cheeks but this time I get closer to her lips. I tell her to kiss me and she does. We're making out. I can feel that she's not 100% in it although it's close. So I stop and just hold her. Now she's ready to talk about the real stuff. 'You shouldn't do this' she said. 'You shouldn't tease (seduce) me like this.' I reply: "You know we're both adults.'' We start making out again and this time she's extremely passionate.

    Next she starts shedding a few tears again and I wipe them off her face. I hug her. ''I hope I'm not confusing you'' she says. I ask for more detail and the actual talk begins: We had to break up because she needs to 'find herself', to 'find out who she is'. 'To be free and autonomous to pursue any adventure while she finds herself.' She feels too young for a commitment and she feels she can only commit to me entirely or not at all. How ironic that she herself brought up commitment up after a few months of us dating. I say that I understand. I cannot and will not run after her. I don't deserve to do that. I tell her that clearly we love each other though, so I'm not really sure what the issue is. I explained to her that I think that our relationship would have been better if we made a conscous decision to have some sort of life, an activity, outside of each other. And that as a couple and individuals, we should have been meeting more people. She agrees and says that however, during our relationship she focused on being extremely loyal. This loyalty; this 'gf identity' holds her back. Without anger, envy or jealousy I say 'So you want to fool around?' She said no; I should know that she isn't like that. (And I know that she isn't..).

    Then the bus arrived. I give her a kiss and she leans in for more. We make out, hug, walk towards the bus and kiss one last time goodbye. I walk away, she climbs on, I look back, she looks back and we wave goodbye. While I''m out with my friends I send her a text about something they said (which we were discussing) and she replies. Then a friend invited us to her house for later on this week and I texted my girl that she's welcome to join. As soon as she got home she texted me saying that although she likes the intimacy, it won't help her 'find herself'. I suggested that it (intimacy) doesn't have to have a title. She replied that she wouldn't be able to not commit to me. 'It's for the best if for this period in my life, I remain autonomous. No kissing.'

    So there it is. We love each other but we cannot be together. I remember going through a similar phase in my life just before I met her so it's not completely out of the ordinary but how I can move on from this is beyond me. I don't want to be her friend and I cannot be her lover.

    p.s. She's 21 (and a half) and I'm almost 24.

  4. #74
    1000steps is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    The morning after we exchange some texts. Then I sent her this email (this is a translation because English is not our first language):

    Hey [teasing nickname I made up because of something that happened yesterday],

    I enjoyed seeing you yesterday I think I know what you're going through because I had a similar journey just before we applied for uni. In fact that's how I found you! I hope that you find whatever it is you're looking for [nickname]. Take care and good luck xx.

  5. #75
    1000steps is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    This is, more or less, her reply:

    I also had a lot of fun - as you've probably noticed. :P Don't think I don't feel anything (for you) but I know that this is what I need at the moment. You were perfect with/for me, treated me well, and I trusted you with closed eyes. It was a very beautiful relationship and I'll be fond of it for all my life.

    Then she mentioned being fond of some things I gave her, like books etc..

    And the final part: Don't disappear! Keep talking to me and let me know how you are doing. I would like that. Let me know if you're taking part in some concert! (I play music) Don't you dare not invite me! :P

    take care [nickname], thank you for everything
    xxxxxx

    I have tears on my face. This is basically goodbye. Tbh nothing seems to have changed since the break up: we do like each other but she feels she needs this time. We're still on good terms and communicate occasionally.

    It just hurts because it's so much more verbal now. She used past tenses all through out the email which means that in her mind the romantic relationship is over. So that is it. :'(

    Thank you for your support everyone.

  6. #76
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    You had her right where you wanted her. Why did you want to take a walk? When you guy's were waiting for the bus it looks like she threw a few shit tests. Then, you started trying to convince her in those final moments before the bus came. You asked her if she wanted to fool around? What do you think you two were doing?

    Never ask a woman a question like that. Like Nike say's "Just do it!"

    You gave her power over the situation by asking. In my opinion you should have kept her on the beach. You had her in a private location and she was responsive. You could have escalated things further...

    She threw another shit test with the text that she sent went she got home. You're response should have been "whoa, what makes you think I'm that easy?" You shouldn't have sent the text in the morning. Why try to finalize things? It's counter-productive and much better to just leave things open and go back to nc.


    You're still in a good spot... Just go back to nc and let her do all the chasing. I hope you take my critique positively. I'm no master pua so please take my critique with a grain of salt. I've been with alot of women but that was way before I even knew of The Game.


    You did pretty damn good man! There were a couple of things that you did wrong in my opinion but how many guy's even get to make out with thier ex's? Not that many my friend. Most guy's butcher the situation and chase the girl away forever. Don't text her unless she texts you--you know the drill!
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  7. #77
    Victory37 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    damn bro, thought i was reading a romantic novel.. i am happy for you getting to even be with your x like that. im so jealous.. it sounds like you have a tough road ahead, but keep strong, and i would do what lui said and keep her chasing.. try to stay alpha, but if you want her and only her, and your sure you love her for the right reasons, keep fighting, but not by being beta, fight being alpha.. goodluck man i hope you get her back

  8. #78
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by 1000steps View Post
    This is, more or less, her reply:

    I also had a lot of fun - as you've probably noticed. :P Don't think I don't feel anything (for you) but I know that this is what I need at the moment. You were perfect with/for me, treated me well, and I trusted you with closed eyes. It was a very beautiful relationship and I'll be fond of it for all my life.

    Then she mentioned being fond of some things I gave her, like books etc..

    And the final part: Don't disappear! Keep talking to me and let me know how you are doing. I would like that. Let me know if you're taking part in some concert! (I play music) Don't you dare not invite me! :P

    take care [nickname], thank you for everything
    xxxxxx

    I have tears on my face. This is basically goodbye. Tbh nothing seems to have changed since the break up: we do like each other but she feels she needs this time. We're still on good terms and communicate occasionally.

    It just hurts because it's so much more verbal now. She used past tenses all through out the email which means that in her mind the romantic relationship is over. So that is it. :'(

    Thank you for your support everyone.
    Well, there's not much you can do from here on out but disappear from her life and hope that she misses you enough to come back. Get out and game other women. I wouldn't be suprised if she changed her tune if she saw you out with another female. Fear of loss and competitive anxiety are what you should be aiming for. Even if she doesn't come back at least you would be moving forward.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  9. #79
    1000steps is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by liukang75 View Post
    You had her right where you wanted her. Why did you want to take a walk? When you guy's were waiting for the bus it looks like she threw a few sh1t tests. Then, you started trying to convince her in those final moments before the bus came. You asked her if she wanted to fool around? What do you think you two were doing?
    I meant 'fooling around with other/new guys.' Now this sounds like a stupid thing to ask but I really said it without envy or jealousy or anything like that. I was cool with it.

    We walked because the place where we met was very crowded and loud.

    You're right about the kissng Sh1t Test by text. I didn't see it. I messed that up.

    I see now why the email in the morning could have been wrong. It comforts her. I told her good luck. However, it might also sound like I have accepted the break up and want to move on. In fact she replied with 'Don't disappear, let me know what you're up to'. I think I got some power back with that one.

    So after all that talk about finding herself etc.. you really believe there's still a chance? How?!

    I cannot keep her chasing because she isn't chasing. The romance has ended in her mind. The emails we exchanged were kind of a goodbye.

  10. #80
    1000steps is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: break up after 2.5years; want suggestions

    Yea, the email ruined everything didn't it?

    edit: In an attempt to re-open things and leave them open I replied to her email. I wanted to pick on something she said and tease/neg. Her email included her telling me to tell her if I take part in some concert.

    I replied: 'aaaaaaaaaaaand what (would happen) if I don't? :P'
    Her: 'Nothing :P I wouldn't like that. anyway, only tell me if YOU WANT to :P but you should know that I would like it if you did!
    Me: lol Go figure! But the more enthusiasm you show the better your chance of getting invitations :P I should take part in **** (info about something a teacher of mine asked me to take part in)
    Her: Oh wow! gogogo! (as in: good luck)

    So with this latest exchange I hope no contact will become powerful once again.


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