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Thread: Need advice on what to do here guys.

  1. #1
    Saund128 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Need advice on what to do here guys.

    So I have studied up on how to get my ex back pretty thoroughly which I am pretty much trying to get over my ex. I have been in no contact for about 4 weeks. She wanted to remain friends with me but I had to tell her I needed space and that I could not be friends with her right now. So I am basically in control of any contact.

    Here is where I need help. We are both in a wedding party together in a couple of weeks. I feel if I don't initiate some sort of contact before this wedding things will be awkward. So this last week I asked her how she was doing through our email chat. She was curious about how I was. Everything we said to each other ended in a question to keep the convo going until I ended it abruptly, saying "I need to go, we'll catch up later." So it's been a week now and I was planning on asking her to get some coffee, just to clear the air before this wedding (which are my actual intentions). I am very confident she will say yes. She says she still loves me and all that crap. Am I making the right call here? I don't feel I am acting out of desperation at all. But I always don't want to give her the wrong impression that I NEED to see her. Got any advice.

    Oh by the way, we are also in the same college program together. We don't have any classes together though but I will be seeing her from time to time. School starts a week before the wedding.

  2. #2
    Saund128 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need advice on what to do here guys.

    Here are some details about our relationship I left out:

    Been together for over 2 years.
    Moved in together for about a month when she dumped me.
    Said she needs to find out what she wants.
    There may be another guy involved though, can't figure that out for sure though.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Need advice on what to do here guys.

    I wouldn't focus on other guys. It may throw you off. There is one important question before any advice is given. And that is simply.....what do you want?

    Do you want her back? A booty call? Or just to be civil at this wedding?

  4. #4
    Saund128 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need advice on what to do here guys.

    I'm not really focused on him. I know the problems were between us. I guess the only reason why I am contacting her is because I will have to see her soon anyway. For now I just wanna clear the air between us before this wedding. I want her to know that I am doing fine without her, which I think this no contact has been doing a pretty good job of. I would rather talk to her on a planned outing before the wedding. I plan on it being a short interaction over coffee or something. Just to catch up a bit. I won't bring up the past unless she brings it up. I am pretty emotionally balanced right now unlike a month ago and I believe this is the best way to go about it. Again I feel that I am in control of initiating contact since I started it. Even if my intentions were different, like I wanted a booty call, would there even be a better way to go about it?
    Last edited by Saund128; 08-20-2012 at 08:43 PM. Reason: Couple mistakes

  5. #5
    Victory37 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need advice on what to do here guys.

    saund128 goodluck bro, i can't really help you here because im in a situation that you know about, my 2 cents is just goodluck, hope you get her back

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Need advice on what to do here guys.

    If you really want to show that you don't need her then just go to the wedding without talking. Then when you see her just acknowledge her with a "Hi", a smile and hug, then walk away. That's all you need. I think this will work for getting her to chase you. If you really want to smooth things over with no expectation then you can go ahead and setup a casual meet to discuss things, but don't feel it's necessary. Your body language and actions speak much louder than words. Going out of your way to have a quick talk can convey different things to her then intended.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Need advice on what to do here guys.

    you have intiated contact, the air is clear, i wouldnt do it, when women are emotionally attached it can make a situation akward and you do not want to sabotage that before the wedding, just see her there if she asked why you havent talked say you have been busy. simple i mean there is going to be alot of people at the wedding party thing so you wont need to have a long conversation with her anyway because of the amount of people.
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  8. #8
    Saund128 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need advice on what to do here guys.

    Did you notice how I said "we'll catch up later" at the end of the contact though? Wouldn't that seem confusing? Maybe thats a good thing. When I say wedding party, I mean I am a groomsmen and she is a bridesmaid. There will be rehearsal and times when she is right there. I guess what I want to know is if it would set me back if I did meet with her before the wedding?

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Need advice on what to do here guys.

    If you feel that strongly about talking to about her then I think you should do it.

    But assuming you want, at the very least, get her chasing you then I don't think talking before the wedding is necessary. Just showing up and having a good time without her will be enough. Acknowledge her, but don't engage her. That's my opinion.

  10. #10
    Saund128 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need advice on what to do here guys.

    Good call. That is what I'll do. It makes sense. If I was to meet up with her it would show that I was worried it would be awkward. And I should just be indifferent if we do or not. Thanks for the feedback.


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