okay.... so. where to start ?
i have this ex of mine. i've known her for about a year or more maybe. so yea, we have quite a history. a few months ago after she broke up with her bf at the time we started slowly "messing around " with eachother again, so to speak. as in we'd make out pretty much everytime we saw eachother lol.
now, i never bothered to ask her out since at the time i figured i didn't wanna " push the issue ", and then we started talking/ hanging out less and less, till i found out she got a bf . i was like " wtf ? " it was obvious that i liked her for a while.
she then explained that she thought i didn't anymore . at the time we started foollng around again she told my friend that she wanted me to ask her back out , yet i never did. so she .... get this .... didn't wanna push the issue. how ironic. she then said it'd feel weird for a girl to ask a guy out, she really wanted me back, blah blah blah.
so i broke down and told her i loved her.
supposedly she loved me too.
she dropped so many hints, yet i couldn't read them. either that or i'd dismiss them. she even mouthed the words " i love you " to me and then kissed me on the lips one time before she had to go and do something really quick.
i felt like a fool. ever since then i couldn't stop thinking about her, wanting her back , trying to figure out how to do it , etc. i also tried taking a break from talking to her . that didn't work out , seeing as how i randomly ran into her just this weekend and spent the whole night/ half the next day with her along with my friends. which went amazingly well but not as much as i wish it did.
i figured maybe saying my feelings in person would help, but well.... i was shall we say.... under the influence of a certain herbal substance, so i couldn't really say anything lol. all that really came out was me hugging her for a really long time .
it just kinda got me sad though, because i didn't even get to cuddle with her that whole night. and she still has a bf, who lives in TEXAS, FARRRRR AWAYYY, yet i'm still not with her . and i over heard her talking to him on the phone. atleast i think it was him. i overheard words like " i love you " ..... maybe the "stuff " in me was making me paranoid.....
i just talked to her tonight , and i was for some reason alot sweeter than i usually am, and i also told her i need to see her very soon and tell her how i felt that night because i'm leaving to go to delaware soon.
so yea.... thoughts ? this has been on my mind for quiiiiite some time now.