So my story like so many before me goes like this...
I have been with my ex for the past 2-1/2 years, I am 24 she is 21. This past summer I was out training with the US biathlon team in Vermont (yes I'm an athlete) while she stayed home in Oregon. We did this last summer and I was gone for 3 months. Well, this past month I was gone (this time for only 3 weeks) for training camp while she stayed back. Her cousins wedding happened to be the same time my training camp was going on and I couldn't make it, you know where this is headed...
One night I went out with friends while she was at her cousins wedding and she was at the reception. I told her have fun and love you, she texted back saying she is now going to the reception and cell service is no good, she loves me, etc. That night I sent her 2 text (one a simple :*) to let her know I was thinking of her even though I was out with the other athletes, then the last one several hours later at 3am (good night). She replied back at 6am my time (3am west coast) hey babe, I got a little sick, hope your not mad at me, talk to you in them morning.
For the first time ever, I got mad, something in my gut made me feel weird about this. So I didn't respond to her until the next evening "you alive?". She texted back yes. I told her then "you know, lately I've been feeling that your ignoring me and if your not going to put in the effort then I am not either."
This caused her to apologize 2-3 times, saying sorry, I don't understand why your mad, I told you cell service was bad (which if it was, why would she text me at the end of the night O.o). Anyways, whatever, I let things go and said we can talk later. She said yes, I dont want to blow this over because I'm upset.
Moving on... we end up skyping and she decides we need a break as she balls her eyes out for about an hour. I remain calm and say ok, is this a break or break up, because I am telling you right now if your breaking up, we cannot be friends, I do not want to fark my friends, and I won't contact you anymore. She says she doesn't know, blah blah and we end the convo there.
The same night she emails me saying she is sorry, that she feels she can't support me in what I do and that I deserve someone who can. She mentioned during the breakup that she had been feeling us drift apart for about 2 months (no shock there) and that she didn't feel appreciated enough. She wanted someone who would work as hard as her or harder. This was extremely hard to hear and confusing, because I travel the world racing, I support her in her hobby (horse racing) and make more money than she does by a mile. I asked her what she meant, she felt that lately I lost motivation, that she worked full time, went to school full time, and balanced us and horses. I go to school full time as an engineer, race for the US biathlon team and feel I balance things just fine. The difference is, I do get more time off during the days when I am home and not out racing.
Fast forward now to today, that was July 24th. We spoke on and off, I called her once and tried to get a better grip on things and for a minute it sounded like she was coming around. She told me she could never tell me how she feels because she was afraid of losing me, and she didn't want to lose me (so farked up right? so I was a bit taken back when she did).
I've read the whole how to get your ex back system by Matt Huston, Crucial conversations and love languages by Dr. Chapman and they helped open my eyes on being better at communicating with your loved one and not putting them on a pedestal. I went no contact 2 weeks ago and she messaged me last week asking to talk, wanting to redo our conversation from the week prior where we met face to face for the first time (since I just got back between trips). She told me she felt that I was giving up on her, that when I spoke to her friend she didn't know what to think and it made her angry that I didn't speak directly with her. I told her I have been trying but lately our communication was getting us nowhere or moving forward, etc. Anyways, she continues to post things on facebook (I know i'm not suppose to look) but I check in every once in a while because I'm trying to gauge where she is at with all of this.
She goes on posting the little e card things like "Don't take me for granted, unlike others I am not afraid of moving on." <--- this was right after she told me she was afraid of losing me lol
I went to Santiago, Chile last week for 10 days for some race championship which was a nice break and perfect way to start no contact. I made sure to post pictures, video, etc of the races and stuff on facebook which she can and does see...
This week she contacted me again through gmail chat (we agreed that this was the best method of communication for now) saying hey, just checking in to see how you are... then yesterday helloooooooo, just wanted to wish you luck on your race friday ( to which I replied the next day, thanks, go kick some butt this weekend yourself) she replied back within minutes "welcome. And thanks"
facebook status for her right during these times. "I want to be someones favorite hello and hardest goodbye." then this morning... "just because you miss someone doesn't mean you need them back in your life, missing is just a part of moving on."
It sounds very much to me like she wants to grab my attention, but I am not giving her it. I haven't initiated any contact, I've remained friendly throughout this entire debacle and indifferent, agreeing this break up was for the best, etc.
I'm curious as to what thoughts everyone has on this situation? Sorry for rambling on, it's still fresh in my mind. (I've gone on dates since, got a girl from Chile who is going to fly down next week to meet up with me and an old friend I dated right before my ex that I stopped talking to because I met the ex.)