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  1. #1
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default help with getting back with ex gf ! need advice! (detailed post/long read)

    hey guys, i am new here so pardon me for lack of pua knowledge during the discussion of this thread.

    anyways, here goes

    pre breakup:
    Alright, so prior to the break-up, we kinda slowly drifted off after a few quarrels here and there (u guys know how it is..). By drifting i mean during some dinner dates, we just sat there and barely spoke to one another while she ended up kept using her phone while i did the same after seeing her behave that way. Right, so on one night, we went off to dinner again and it was her treat that night (we had agreed). During the dinner, i could already sense something was wrong, and that something was seriously bothering her. After the dinner, i played it cool and suggested going somewhere else but she said no, and suggest a place to sit down and talk. thats when i knew sh1t was coming. After some talks, she began breaking down and crying in public. even though we just sat next to each other, we switched our conversation from face-to-face to using texts. she said how distant we have suddenly felt/became that even tho we were next to one another, we had to use our phones. Anw, after the long texts convo, she said she was confused and didnt know what she wants and all. she didnt know if shes breaking down because she loves me too much or didnt love me anymore. she asked me for suggestions on what we should do, and i said i was seriously confused by her sudden actions/breakdowns and suggested giving sometime off to one another to think and we'll continue to work it out.

    right so after that day, we still continued to text (some of which she initiated). one night she called me and at first i didn't really want to talk but after that we began talking about alot of stuffs, including us and how lonely she felt even though she has been hanging out with friends. She felt that she didnt have someone to convey all her feelings. I knew she still loved me then cause she told me she wanted to hug me.

    After that call, we still continued to text (albeit at a much slower pace). it got slowed to a pace that i felt like she didnt really want to communicate(and if she didn't she dont have to). One night, she asked if i wanted to go out and eat w her but i declined saying i am already having dinner. Guess she was disappointed after that, and she continued to have different kind of antics. (i didn't really know how to handle certain stuff until i got introduced to places like here!)

    One night, i went drinking with friends and i suddenly texted her and called her out on some of her bs (some of which might be too harsh, i didn't consider her feelings at all) and told her to stop blowing hot and cold and mess with my feelings (now i know that is the Cat String Theory..). she told me how naive she was thinking i understood and believed her (SERIOUSLY? have anyone truly understood girls -.-) That was when it went downhill, too many misunderstandings, and her feeling neglected. That was when she told me she was gonna continue to be alone.. i guess that was the breakup line. though unclear till now....

    Post Breakup
    I went drinking with my friends again and she texted me saying she saw my friends at the club. i felt enraged immediately thinking why shes clubbing days after the "breakup" but guess i couldn't complain since i was doing the same. i replied to her texts coldly and after the night ended, she came over to find me, i was just outside the club. I was still feeling overwhelming emotions (i.e. angst, disappointment, etc) thus i didn't really look/talk to her. she just kept standing there and finally pulled me over to one side, hugged me and we had a little talk. i wanted to send her home but she didnt want me to, saying she gotta go accompany her friends. At that moment, i just told her that she just wanted to leave me. she just hugged me again and then we left separately.

    Shortly after this, i totally downgraded to BETA and AFC, being depressed / needy / always suspicious, etc. i continued to question her, to which she replied coldly (i know... i was pushing her away from me. didn't know at that time man...). i went over to her house and wanted to talk to her but she didn't want to see me and told me if i had anything to say, i can say it over the phone. Obviously, the phone call didn't go well since she wasn't in the mood to talk, she just felt more and more pissed with whatever i am saying. she said i had my chances to which i was totally bewildered (i didnt understand any of that sh1t back then), and told her i really dont know what she's saying. Being totally beta that time... i continued to wait for her just to see/talk to her face-to-face. THEN TADAH! magic! i saw her coming out of her house w another guy. that guy seemed totally new and is definitely an orbiter.... (in my mind, all i was thinking of was, damn... so that was why u didn't want to talk to me face to face.) She saw me and we continued to talk for awhile. i asked if that was her new guy she said no, just a friend. i asked what was he doing there (overnight as well..) she said to take some stuff and that they were gg on a trip together with some other friends. I sent her to a station (which she obliged willingly) and we talked abit in the car as well. she said she just need some time to think things over and promised me that we will talk after shes back and we hugged. (of cause... the talk haven't happened till now)

    So a few days later, she text me to wish me on my birthday. i replied asking if i could to talk to her, even for awhile. she then proceed to call me... and this phone call was pretty much as the previous one... same stuff, she was pissed as the convo goes on and she kept saying it was a wrong choice to call me. i broke down halfway during the convo and asked how come she had such a change of mind so fast (when couple of weeks before she was the one who asked me out for dinner). she said she just didn't feel that same way as before towards me and that she can't possibly just suddenly revert that kinda feelings. she told me she wished i could be strong (because she saw how AFC i became. fark). i asked how is it possible that she can be happy with me again. she told me she didnt know but she feels like theres some stuff she hope she can see in me again. they are 1. becoming stronger. 2. open my thoughts and feelings more to people (during the replationship, there were plenty of times when i couldn't properly communicate my feelings to her and guess that hurt her too) 3. to become back to how i was when i met her/start of r/s). Then i was stupid to end the phone call w the L word -.-

    Now few days later, we had a mutual friend's birthday party and i asked if shes gg. she said yes and i offered to bring her there. throughout the journey to the party, we barely spoke. she just told me that she would be leaving the party early. to which i replied, going out with friends eh? she said yeah, movie and most likely to club as well. Now when we reached the party, i just walked around myself and said hi to some friends and went to the food area where she was at as well. I took some food and offered her and she declined. i was like okay then, and walked away and hang around the party myself. occasionally, she came and checked where i was. after awhile, i began chatting with some old friends in a corner by ourselves. in this group, there was an sort-of old flame and we chatted. halfway through, my ex came to join us but i didn't really give her much of my attention and continued with my topics (topics were regarding the old flame as well..). my ex tried to offer her own opinions on the subject/topic as if to fit in our convo. After awhile of not giving her my attention, she (ex) told me that another girl (her friend) recognised me and told me we were from the same school, as if to get my attention. i replied nonchalantly "o rly? what course?". she said she didnt know, and told me that girl saw us during one of our dates and asked if i rmb-ed. i shrugged it off and continue engaging the group by talking other stuff.

    Towards the end, when we (incl. old flame) were having small talks again, ex tried to know what we were talking about again, to which i gently brushed off. And soon, it was time for her to leave, saying how late she was for her friend's meet-up. she came over to me and said bye to me. i played it cool and said bye nonchalantly again and she stood there for awhile, as if waiting for me to say something else or offer to send her off or something (lol).

    After that day, i started nc. And it has worked somewhat to certain effect. She posted on twitter certain stuffs that i knew referred to me. I.e. posts like how "some people love each other, but not meant to be together but others are together, but don't love each other". She described how one moment she wished "he" was out of her life but another moment, she wished that "he" could be there with her. that kinda stuff which i knew referred to me.

    we totally didn't text/call one another. but i guess she did try to make me initiate contact or something (i guess) by liking my facebook posts. i didn't like/comment on any of her posts until one day when we were both at the same place and posted pictures of that place on the same day. coincidence much, i thought. (before that was almost 3 weeks of NC)
    she tried to throw some sh1t tests at me ( I GUESS THEY ARE TESTS, CAN SOMEONE CONFIRM IT FOR ME?) by posting pictures of good food everyday (showing what a great social life she's having..). i didn't respond to any of this kinda thing. So she went one step further, posting pictures of herself to garner attention (from guys i guess, to make me feel how "wanted" she is I THINK. Correct me if i am wrong). After that she post a pic of her next to a guy.... TADAH its the same muther Freak ORBITER i saw outside her house.

    Now today i just bumped into her at a mall we used to go, and there she was, with that MxFx Orbiter again. just the 2 of them, weren't holding hands or anything. I don't know the status of them but they seemed to be hanging around together alot lately. There must be a guy to be there for the emotional support and i guess the mxfx orbiter is the go-to guy the first time i saw her, it was amongst the crowd and i just waved hi and walked away. i could see her sustained gaze and somewhat bewildered face. The 2nd time i bumped into them I played it cool and alpha-ed the f up and walked towards them smiling and said hi. Talk to the guy for abit, saying i think i saw him before and asked for his name and shook his hand with a beam. MAN... that guy's shake was weak and i guess he didn't know how to react to me. Had a super short chat with ex. she saw me holding bags of new purchases and said asked if i came to buy stuffs. i said yeah.. then she asked to see the items, to which i replied what for hahah. then she said she needa leave already cause she was tired. i then said i needa go too and said bye.

    Now, i need to devise up my plan on how to get her back. After that few weeks of NC and studying of r/s and pua stuffs, i know i have definitely alpha-ed up a bit from the needy AFC right after she told me she will continue to be "alone". i have hit the gym, read some books, hang out with friends and i do feel so much better than before. Obviously she and her emotions are still affected by my actions and i take that as a good thing. i know that deep down i still want her back. What do you guys suggest i should do next? continue my NC to observe? call her one night and tell her that i understand her stand now, and how that "breakup" during that time was the best for us since i haven't done the "agreeing to breakup" part yet. Or suggest a meetup/coffee without talking about us.

  2. #2
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: help with getting back with ex gf ! need advice! (detailed post/long re

    Anyway, is there an instance of a "success story" in this forum where i can refer to? Any lucky guys who got back with their exs as they wished?

  3. #3
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 334, Level: 6
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    Default Re: help with getting back with ex gf ! need advice! (detailed post/long re

    any ideas guys? *turning on the BatMan / Liu beam*


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