I had been dating a girl for 3 months. We went out about 2-3 times per week and generally seemed to have a great time together. We had so many things in common and a great physical connection. I was really starting to think there was long-term potential here.
If there were any problems with the relationship, in my opinion, it was the fact that we both had a lot of weekend obligations over the summer. These weekends spent out of town prevented us from being able to see each other most weekends. I saw this as a temporary issue that prevented us from getting close to each other more quickly, but I figured it would go away once the summer ended and we both had more free time.
Exactly a week ago, she was on her way back from a weekend spent away (family commitment) and I got a text from her asking if I was free to meet for a talk the following night. I knew this was bad news. As it turned out, I couldn't meet until the night after and we agreed to do that. Later that night, I decided it wasn't worth putting myself through the agony of anticipation for two days, so I decided to call her.
She broke up with me on the phone call. In her mind, I had all of the qualities she had ever wanted in a guy. She thought we had so many things in common and that I treated her exactly as she'd want someone to treat her. She was adamant about the fact that she thought I'd never done anything wrong (quite the opposite). She was also adamant about the fact that she's always enjoyed herself while out with me...but for whatever reason, she felt that our personalities didn't entirely connect and there was some kind of distance holding us back from clicking and getting closer the way she'd have expected to after three months.
At one point in the conversation, she offered to let it sit for a week or two and see where things end up, but I felt like it was almost a silly offering at that point. It seemed like she went into the conversation determined to end things and I wasn't going to jump on a pity offering that could have come out of weakness at the time.
In order to give you a full understanding about things, here are a few more points that I feel I should add to the conversation:
- There was definitely a great physical connection between us. You can see facial expressions and body language on someone else that just can't be faked sometimes, and I saw this on her whenever we were together.
- Believe it or not, our three month experience was the longest relationship she's ever had. She's in her late 20s and has gone on a number of first dates, second dates, etc., but never for as long as things lasted with me. I know this is unusual and a lot can be made of it.
- She acknowledged that she was sad and disappointed about the way she felt, and wished she hadn't felt this way since she really wanted it to work between us.
- She also said that there were times when she did feel that we clicked the way she was looking for...it just wasn't always there like she thought it should be.
- She acknowledged that she could be making a big mistake.
- She said it's probably the last thing I want to hear, but she would like to stay in touch if I would.
I was really surprised by all of this. I didn't see it coming. I deliberately took things slowly in light of her limited relationship history. I've been in some serious ones myself, so I never wanted her to feel rushed and tried to go at a pace that I felt she might be comfortable with. I also think that the weekends spent away from each other made it harder to spend the time together in order to build the connection she's talking about.
I told her I felt she was great, and that I was surprised and upset by this all. As for keeping in touch, I told her I'd need some time to think about that and see how I feel before I could make a decision.
I know that conventional wisdom might say I just need to move on here, but I really feel like there was something special there. I had such a great time whenever we saw each other and I haven't felt this way about someone in a really long time (I've dated a fair bit). We were all there on paper and I feel like the connection is something that builds up some more over time.
It's been a week now and I haven't reached out to her or heard from her. However, a few nights ago, she viewed my online dating profile on the site we met on. This was surprising to me, especially since she'll know I was able to see that she looked.
I'd do anything to get her back. I have a few friends that are insisting I should casually reach out to her next week and send a brief text or email asking if she has time for a quick drink. They think I should tell her I know exactly where she was coming from, but to point out the reasons I thought caused this and to show the fact that I'm committed to doing anything to making things work, even if it means sacrificing some pride. They figure I have so much more to gain than to lose by trying.
If I got a firm no, I'd definitely go NC from there. I'd plan to move on with my life, begin dating new girls, and put this experience behind me once and for all.
What would you suggest doing from here? Take a chance with the talk? Go for LC and try to let the "connection" she was talking about happen naturally? Or continue on with full NC?
Thanks a lot for taking the time to read this, and for any suggestions. I know it was really long, but I wanted to paint the full picture as best as I could.