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  1. #1
    reasonmontague is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Ex gf advice - 5 year relationship want her back!

    Hello All,

    First time here! Below is my story about my ex gf, I know that it is a lot but wanted to get it all out. Please let me know what I need to do.

    My ex gf were together for 5 years, we had one with a
    separation of 6 months after the first year mark. I break up
    with her because I felt smothered by her all the time. But we
    got back together then moved out to LA with each other 3
    years ago. Our relationship was hot and cold, but we were
    both struggling to make it here and it put a lot o strain on
    the relationship. Also she was always bringing up marriage
    and wanting to have kids. I was always open to the idea
    but I wanted to get settled Into my career and that went on
    for the next three years. We began to fight more and more,
    it got pretty bad. Then 4 months ago we decided that we
    both needed space from each other but we were still living
    together. Then we got into a huge fight a month later and
    she said we were done! So I left that weekend and stayed
    with my family since they came into town for my birthday.

    After that weekend, it all kind of hit me and I was like fuck.
    I began to act in a way that was never me. See I calm,aid
    back guy who always seems to go and do what I want. But
    I lost my cool somewhat, not over be top but I became a
    little jealous and said some things. But it never seemed
    to faze her and she would text to see how i was doing, I'd
    respond. Then we didn't talk for about 4 days, a week after
    the breakup and it's Saturday night and she texted me
    saying "we could've we the world on fire" them another that
    said "we didn't and that hurts so badly" them another that
    said "oops I was drunk, I'm sober now" I never responded
    to any of them so 2am comes and she is blowing me up!
    Calling my friends, askin where I am, who I'm with. Finally I
    called her back and we talked and that was it.

    So a week goes by and it's a friend of ours birthday, I didn't
    show because I had other plans. But I asked our friend to
    drinks the week after her birthday and we met up, had some
    drinks and she brought up Tara, saying some means things
    about she doesn't respect me or herself. I told her I didn't
    want to talk a out it but she slept bringing it up. So then my
    ex gf calls her and she answers, and she told her she was
    with me and my ex gf flipped out. Texting me, calling me an
    asshole and crazy for hanging out with her. Saying that we
    will never be friends. I was cool really, I never take stock in
    her words honestly.

    Well time passed between that incident and I'm sure our
    mutual friend made up some shit and told her some things
    but I'll get more into that later.

    So a couple of weeks pass and we haven't really talked
    much and she was going out of town so I asked her for some
    money for our bills she was really cool about it and I told her
    to have a safe flight. After that conversation, someone told
    she had posted this on FB "why can you not just go away
    for the love of god" now I'm not sure why she doesn't just
    say it to my face. Ok so she is out of town, and I begin to
    get texts for her that read "I need to talk with you when I get
    back into town" then another that says "I just want you to
    hear from me and not someone else" I don't respond to her
    again so she begins to come at me aggressively with texts,
    and calling a bunch of times. I don't answer so then she says
    that " she is leaving LA and she just wanted to say goodbye"

    I respond to her and tell her to call me when she gets back.
    Well she actually keeps on calling me and I don't pick up.

    So she gets back into town, I text her to see when she
    wants to talk since I was so serious. She's like "whenever"
    hot and cold. So we meet up and talk, she tells me about
    how she wants to leave and hat she is not happy in LA.
    She gets emotional and she talks about the relationship.
    Then she cooks me dinner and then we talk more about
    our relationship. It's getting annoying at this point, she was
    like why didn't you do anything, chase after me? She said I
    just acted like a pussy and left her. I said why would I chase
    you when you left me, I'm a man sweetheart I have to move
    on. She cried some more and left. Well she sent me a text
    the next day that read "I do miss having you in my life, if
    it means anything" I ignored it. Then the next day she like
    are you going to ignore me now that I'm coming to you and
    coming of texts like that ensued. So I was like no, let's go to
    dinner? We go to dinner and it was nice, from dinner we go
    get coffee were just talking and hanging out. As I'm walking
    her home and up to the door she asks me about her moving
    again? And this turned into us talking about he relationship
    again. She begins to cry, and I'm lie why can't you let go?
    Why are we here having this conversation? Do you want to
    get back together? And she said Maybe? Well I took that as
    a no so I go up and walk her to be door and we hit goodbye.
    From there we made plans to hang out Sunday, go to brunch
    so we did. We hung out, walked around and then later night
    we wen to a movie. So we went to the movie and when she
    was dropping me off, I told her that I knew what I wanted and

    that we can't be friends. Now sometimes I'm a little vague
    and not sure how she took it. So then I get in the house and
    send her a text saying how I miss my family and friends back
    home, but I came to La to make movies so that is what I'm
    going to do and I also said that I miss her as well. So we go
    back and forth for a minute and then that's that. I just think
    that's the end of it.

    The following week my friend is coming into town and shes
    all like I want to see Thomas, and I had told her that I didn't
    want her to come because we couldn't be friends. But she
    is hounding and finally agree to let her come. So the dinner
    rolls around and we are at he table. I make a comment to
    my friend about how I am talking with a buddy of ours in Ny
    that works in Advertising and I'm looking to pursue a career.
    She gets crazy on me right there and kind of laughing
    saying "advertising Pat, really" I get pretty pissed off at that
    point and we end he dinner and she goes home no hug or
    nothing this time.

    Well when she gets home she sends me a text a really long
    that talked about all she ever wanted was for me to want to
    marry her, have babies with her, care and support and that
    I never expressed my feelings to want these things until she
    left and that all this hurt her really bad.

    So a couple of days go by and I text her and we hang out
    and go play golf together. Then randomly I get a text from
    her that read ďWhat did I not do?Ē Am Iím like okay lets meet
    up and talk well this is where I know I went wrong. When

    she came over I told her she didnít do anything wrong and
    that it was all me, I also mentioned that I wanted to get back
    together with her and work it out. She said that it was too
    soon and we need more time a part. Ok well I took that as I
    know, so I took her home and were still hanging out. Sheís
    like maybe one day we can be together Pat. So she
    mentions that we can do dinner the next Sunday night when
    she gets back into town, I said ok. Well we didnít
    communicate at all that week except a text that I had sent
    that mentioned I heard a song and thought of her and it put
    a smile on her face. She wrote back that she was listening to
    that song at the moment. Which I thought was crazy, so I
    wished her a safe flight. Well Sunday rolls around, and she
    starts to text me her flight info, and what time. I told her that I
    didnít know that I was picking her up, and that something
    came up with the Film that I am making right now and that I
    couldnít pick her up. At first she said it was cool then went
    ape shit again on me. Telling me I am not a good friend and
    all this kind of jazz. She was texting my friends and asking if
    I really had to do work on my film stuff. Shit like that. So
    when she lands its now 1030 at night, and there is no way I
    could have gone to dinner. So she lands and sends me a
    text that reads, I have made it to LA, if you want to talk later
    in the week we can. Thatís its so the following day, I was
    talking to a friend of mine and he had mentioned how
    someone told his gf that he was cheating on her. I had
    mentioned that Tara said this certain girl I said the same
    thing to her in a conversation and that maybe he should put
    the fire out before it blows. So he did, but that blew up in my
    face. Tara my ex gf is now blowing me up, texting me,

    saying I cant believe you said that to Tommy. Wtf? Pat, I
    cant believe you did that. You want against my trust. And all
    this, I never picked up her phone calls because she said that
    we shouldnít be in each others lives. And was like OK Tara
    Iím fine with that. So I didnít pick up her phone calls or
    answer her text. This went on for two days. Where she left
    me angry messages to sad messages, saying I deserve
    better and should just go to I donít know who are you? Who
    is this person? Stuff like that.

    So a couple days pass and I finally call her back and we
    talk and she is livid with me. Talking about how angry she
    is with, I told her that she couldnít talk to me the way she
    does, and I mentioned that was a big reason why I became
    so dismissive in our relationship. She kept saying things like
    that she didnít care, this is stupid Pat. Then she said that she
    will never get over her anger and resentment towards me
    and that she will be jealous when I date another girl because
    she is going to get the best of me. Thatís a weird stance to
    take for someone that was the dumper.

    That leads me up to this past weekend where she sent me
    a text that read ďI hate you and love you and I hate you for
    thatĒ. Then on Monday I ran into at the coffee shop.

    After the coffee shop incident she text me asking me where she can buy a cheap macbook online, I didnt respond as I felt she needed to try a little harder to get my attention. But then she she said "If I go to Ny, I dont want you to think that I am following you. and I loved to talk about everything before I leave", my response was Ill see you soon, her response was predictable, she said ha! I doubt it, considering you cant tell me where to find a cheap damn macbook.

    From there she has been texting me about getting the rest of my stuff, I finally responded because I have been busy with some things and told her that I will be by Thursday afternoon and to put it in a box. Well I get over there on thursday and its not in a box, and all mys shit is scattered over the house. So I grab what I see is mine. Then the next day she says this and this is the last time I responded because Im sick of ehr talking to me this way "Dude why didnt you tell me you were coming by. You still have a ton of dvds and stuff. You are making this way more difficult".

    Besides a few phone calls. Ive bene ignoring her, becuase I'd rather her approach me in a nice way. But we are both leaving town this week, I for NYC and her for NC. But I'd like to get us on a nice level of communication, and to keep it open and for possible reconciliation. Any help would be possible, Im at a loss and odnt know how to appraoch it with her.

  2. #2
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ex gf advice - 5 year relationship want her back!

    woooaahhh.. that's some complicated sh!t right there.... think you should just take some time off. evaluate your relationship when you have a calm head. find out whats positive and negative about your relationship. You definitely don't want to deal with all these constant Tension.....

  3. #3
    reasonmontague is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ex gf advice - 5 year relationship want her back!

    Yes, thats what I was thinking. With us being in seperate cities, how would I approach her to open the lines of communication, since there has been so much conflict and Tension between.

  4. #4
    reasonmontague is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Ex gf advice - 5 year relationship want her back!

    Also, I was thinking of grabbing the rest of my dvds and whatever it is that she said I ahve left over at the house. i honestly got everything I want. But I feel like she is trying to come up with a reason to talk with me? I'm not sure.

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