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  1. #1
    Gonzo's Avatar
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    Default So I bumped into my ex at a club... whats my next move?

    See, I love this place, you guys give the best practical advice that you wont get anywhere else, so i'm hoping you have some for me here...

    So my ex finished it with me at the beginning of April, one of those long, messy breakups... on again... off again, for about two months when things went really south. To anyone who's been there I don't need to describe losing someone you love... of course it killed me. Shes BPD, which means shes kind of emotionally unstable, and she had an episode of this which is what led to the (really sudden) breakup, one minute she was fine, the next she flipped. Since then we had no contact whatsoever (about three months), i've been getting on fine the last month or so, having a lot of fun with new girls, getting on with my studies and planning my future...

    She's the kind of girl I don't have to see regularly/would never bump into anywhere because she lives in a different town and has a limited social life. So imagine my suprise when I go to a big party in another city and bam, she's there with a couple of friends...

    I played it cool, i'm dressed to kill in my sharpest suit and on my arm is my HB10 friend (who my ex is terrified of), and clearly having a good time. My ex just cannot stop looking at us! It's awesome, she's miserable, stuck in the same part of the bar *all night* with a couple of friends and they are all shooting daggers at our group.

    My secret is inside i'm dying... i'm still crazy about this girl. A little later in the night my ex is still looking miserable, leaning against a pillar when I make eye contact with her, cock a half smile and raise my hand. She sends a smile back and waves. I go out for a smoke and i'm thinking 'this is retarded, we used to be really tight, just go and say hello', but I went back in as she was just leaving...

    I dunno what to do, i'd kill to have this girl back in my life but pride wont let me show it. That was the last time I will see in her in person for a long time... if ever... a complete freak occurance and I feel like a chump for not saying hello (even if the whole thing gave me some big social proof). What should I do? Should I message her? I've got a semi legitimate reason to do so... If so what should I say? I know she wont contact me because she's the nervous type... or should I just leave it be?

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
    A born again hooligan only to be King again.

  2. #2
    Hotel Yorba is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: So I bumped into my ex at a club... whats my next move?

    One time I saw my ex girlfreind while i was shopping at target, we hadn't spoken in months and i thought I was over her for good. Apparently not because as soon as I saw her my heart rate jumped through the roof and I didn't have the courage to even look her in the eyes because I knew it would ruin everything that I had worked for in order to get over her.


    You saw your ex and all the feelings of pain, longing and desire for her (which you thought you'd long since buried) came back in a vicious cocktail of emotions. I think it happens to us all man and it's okay to feel the way you do. She was sitting there all alone looking pathetic and sad and you had nothing but empathy for that...but remember how much pain and bullshit she put you through and it almost seems fitting to leave them there looking sad.


    By the sounds of it your doing pretty well for yourself and do not need to go back to that dark place. You got yourself an HB10 anyway!!! I wouldn't recommend going for it not because she's old news but, because your not over her anyway and you would most likely regress to your old ways trying to get her back. The only reason to go back ever would be if you were over her...I know that sounds messed up but it's the only way to approach the situation with a clear head. It's a shitty catch 22. If you think you can be friends then by all means send her a text that says "It was nice to see you the other night, let's get some coffee soon."

  3. #3
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: So I bumped into my ex at a club... whats my next move?

    Well the first question is....what do you want? To get back together? FWB? Booty call? Or just the validation you can have her back if you wanted to?
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
    Gonzo's Avatar
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    Default Re: So I bumped into my ex at a club... whats my next move?

    Thanks for the rely guys.

    I totally relate to that Yorba... I was frozen in time when we made eye contact, everything screaming 'go talk to her!' but I just couldn't do it and went for a smoke instead. I was doing great until this, maybe I've just been pegged back a little bit? Hangovers always intensify this stuff! Pah... never again.

    I'm not with the HB10, she's one of my oldest friends... though she makes an awesome Pivot because she's not shy and other HB's always seem to want to talk to her... plus she's a championship winning ex-frightener!

    I suppose I just want her back, real casual and easy going like when things were good. We had kind of a weird relationship... lots of greay areas... she'd always say things like 'listen, I don't mind you fucking other girls but you have to tell me about it before and then tell me all about it afterwards'. So it was a quasi-relationship/FWB thing, I dunno... it was sweet anyway.
    A born again hooligan only to be King again.

  5. #5
    Hotel Yorba is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: So I bumped into my ex at a club... whats my next move?

    Like I said I wouldn't recommend it...but if you are truly intent on getting her again you already have a good dhv with her seeing you with that girl and you can initiate contact with what i said in my last post and keep it light and friendly from there. But like I said since you still have feelings for her it's going to be hard to attack this with a clear head.

  6. #6
    Gonzo's Avatar
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    Default Re: So I bumped into my ex at a club... whats my next move?

    True, I was better off having not seen her :-/ Just fired off a light text to her like you said. Text game is strange with her because of the way she is... she'll either be really avoidant or right on top of it depending on where her head is. Either way, worst case scenario is i'm no worse off than I was Saturday morning and I can put the situation to bed again.
    A born again hooligan only to be King again.

  7. #7
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: So I bumped into my ex at a club... whats my next move?

    Update on the situation? I'm curious to see how this turns out for you

  8. #8
    Gonzo's Avatar
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    Default Re: So I bumped into my ex at a club... whats my next move?

    Nothing much going on... I text her last night and as of dinnertime today, nothing, zip, nada :-/ Like I said, she can be crazy avoidant, especially when she's upset about something. No sense in doing anything else so I'll put the situation to bed and write it off as a weird little episode. Still kicking myself a bit for not going and talking to her though.
    A born again hooligan only to be King again.

  9. #9
    Hotel Yorba is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: So I bumped into my ex at a club... whats my next move?

    No you did the right thing not talking to her that night, it couldve put you in a bad emotional spot. You sent her the text so you did your part, if she wants to talk to you she'll text you! If she doesn't than you are no worse off than you were before. You didn't display any dlv's or anything, just a friendly text of hello. The fact that she hasn't texted you back says more in my opinion than if she did.

  10. #10
    Gonzo's Avatar
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    Default Re: So I bumped into my ex at a club... whats my next move?

    Yeah, I guess between that and the way she was acting at the club shows that shes still really sore about stuff. Thanks for the perspective Yorba, kinda what I needed to hear.
    A born again hooligan only to be King again.


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