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Thread: Recent Break Up- Need Advice Please

  1. #11
    Viking12345 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Recent Break Up- Need Advice Please

    I think you’re right Batman. I posted my original summary on another forum to which I thought someone summed up the situation very well, they said;
    She wants to f**k someone that isn't needy and in love with he.

    You've done a lot of needy sh1t, and completely been all over the place, lost site of your mission,

    you have no sense of self or what you want, and you bend and flow to her whim because you care too much about her, telling the truth and dis-agreeing about how you want to see her is not needy, unless you care if she says no

    basically, your actions are not needy, if you are not needy, but when you are needy, your actions and descisions are needy

    being complacent with her choices that you don't agree with and standing by passively while she dictates the flow of the interaction, is a very bad idea, she's a girl, she has not a f**king clue where to take it, and all she probably is thinking about while leading is not ''looking slutty'', and I hope this guy can read my mind


    In hindsight I think your way of handling things may have been best. I guess I can keep that in mind in future.


    And thanks for the advice Gonzo, really appreciate it man! It helps to get advice from someone who understands and can empathise having been through what sounds like a very similar situation. It’s a weird set of circumstances I guess, despite all her faults and the way she treated me in the end I still found her amazing. I’m glad that you’ve been able to warn me off and I can sort of learn from your mistakes before I waste any more time on her. The matter of urgency I had about contacting her was because I was afraid she’d meet someone else and completely forget about me. (Good luck to whoever that is lol). Hearing what you guys have said I think it’s best to just leave things. I think I’ll try properly going without contact for a month or two and then reassess the situation if by then I haven’t forgotten her (which I honestly hope I can) I could always just try doing what I was doing so successfully originally to make her the one chasing me. Just for future reference if need be, I think I read somewhere advice on trying to get someone back that you should make them remember positive things, memories etc. I tried that in a subtle not too over the top way to no avail before we got too nasty. Would it be worth trying again if in all unlikelihood we did get in contact? Also I’m glad that you have been able to move on Gonzo. I wish I could do that but given the distance between us I think for now my ‘f**k you’ will have to be not further pandering her ego and continuing without contact and becoming a total mystery to her, there really is no way she’ll be aware of me, where I am or what I’m doing unless we’re in contact.


    And in regards to your question, I’m not sure about mental health questionnaires. I think you have to rely on your judgment. I think there’s a stigma attached to online dating for good reason. It’s a last resort for many people and something which I imagine some people with lots of insecurities or bad personalities use mostly to inflate their ego. It’s something you’d think you could suss out pretty easily, but not in my case. I think that’s why I made the assumption it was bipolar she was someone who seemed so happy and someone I would have enjoyed to be around and known a lot more than what I did. That said I thought I had this girl sussed out pretty well, she didn’t seem the crazy type and I probably wouldn’t have gotten so far involved if she had have been open about it from the start. I only learnt of her issues after I had become infatuated with her which kinda sucked because against all my better judgement I couldn’t and still can’t switch off my feelings for her. The advice from here has been great though and I realise letting those feelings continue will not make me a better person and won’t help me at all. I guess if I have any questions (it may be worth starting a new thread) is it difficult to translate online dating game into real world sarging?

  2. #12
    Viking12345 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Recent Break Up- Need Advice Please

    Okay guys, it's been a month since we last spoke. I've made changes, dated other people etc but I still miss this girl. How should I reinitiate contact? I have an online dating profile again which many people have commented positively on. It is written in a kind of humerous/bitter kind of way. I see her online a lot, except lately she's been logging on less. I figured I'd send her a message on this. How should I approach it? Keep that frame; humour/bitterness? Let her know I miss her? cocky funny? (which worked a lot with her) Apologise? neg? (She showed up in the 'users who will respond' section, I'm thinking this may be a good neg.) Try and make her remember something positive about us and/or me? All of the above?...I'm a bit lost, I know I want to contact her I'm just not sure how. Any advice guys? Bear in mind, with the way things ended the onus is probably on me to contact her as I think she'd be too proud to contact me. I don't want anything serious right now, I have other options as well, would it be a bad idea to let her know this?
    Suggestions?
    Thanks in advance!

  3. #13
    easyflow is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Recent Break Up- Need Advice Please

    Sounds like a case of oneitis. Move on, meet new people. She is hot, but the sex sucked. No re-plays in life. Don't contact her, learn from it. Don't bring up any mental health questions on a first date. A first date should be short, like 1 hour max. Be fun, have fun stories, keep convo light. Basically avoid this girl, she is sleeping with other guys and probably has them spinning too. She is like a large planet and wants to keep as many guys in her orbit as possible. She probably has low self esteem and having many guys messaging her and texting her helps boost her ego. Don't be one of those guys.

    Walk away.

  4. #14
    Viking12345 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Recent Break Up- Need Advice Please

    Thanks for the advice man, I'm definitely wary but I think it's worth one last shot. I don't wanna look back and regret that I didn't at least try and fail wondering 'what if?'
    It's obviously a case of oneitis I wouldn't otherwise be posting in the "How To Get Your Ex Back" section. I'm aware of how to handle a first date and I'm comfortable with my game, asking such questions isn't something I would do, that was in response to Gonzo's question. However I don't agree with giving yourself a time constraint for a first date, but that's another matter.

    I'm not really interested in anything long-term right now
    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    However, I understand your need to try and switch the situation in your favor to at least KNOW you can have her whenever you want, which is something I hope will be good enough and you won't pursue anything serious.
    This is basically what I want, I'm not sure the what the best way to approach this is though.

  5. #15
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    Gonzo is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Recent Break Up- Need Advice Please

    Quote Originally Posted by easyflow View Post
    Don't bring up any mental health questions on a first date.
    Haha, I like that people thought I was remotely serious with this. The mental health questionnaire thing was a joke because me and Viking have clearly been screwed over by girls with mental issues... Though questionnaires should definitely be mandatory on first dates... I'd make it law if I could.

    Sorry to hear you're still bent out of shape about this girl man... I understand though, I still miss my ex a bit and we split up at the end of May! I tried similar stuff to what you are thinking... just be prepared for the possibility of not getting a reply, that happened to me and it was a lot rougher than a cold/angry response. My advice, as ever with this, is definitely drop it and try and move on, I know it sucks but if you keep playing this game then you are just dragging it all out for yourself... Me... well when I was in the shit I couldn't help contacting her either... maybe I'm a sucker for slow and painful. I still don't think it's been long enough for you to contact her... I'll bet it's felt like a long month to you... but in the grand scheme of things it's nothing. I can't advise you on exactly what to say... nothing worked for me... but then again she was actually insane... but definitely no neediness, no bitterness and definitely no apologies.
    A born again hooligan only to be King again.

  6. #16
    Viking12345 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Recent Break Up- Need Advice Please

    Okay guys, one-itis gone; guess who decides to say hello!
    Now I'm not sure whether this just may be a validation thing (not having much luck with other guys etc.) so I'm not sure whether I should respond. It's been almost a week since she messaged me, she seemed a lot more cheery and was even using terms of endearment. Advice? Should I respond or just forget about her?

  7. #17
    Charlie Neptune is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Recent Break Up- Need Advice Please

    Gonzo hit the nail on the head w/ these kind of girls. I just broke off a 3yr engagement to an HB10 just like this. A beautiful woman that speaks sweetly to a man and gives sex can seriously mindf*** a guy. How could she not want you then want you weeks later several times over? Very unstable. And you keep jumping at it like a puppy whether you wait a week to message back or not. What is worth one more shot? Do you think her treatment of you will improve?? Trust me, they are at their best when you first meet. Have more respect for yourself and DO NOT accept behavior remotely like this. Also, fighting back and accusing her of using you for validation is not good. Your ego shouldn't be so weak. You don't need to win every fight. You should be way above that type of thing. She should not even appear on your radar.


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