Ok guys this is a bit long-winded but I’m new to pua so some advice would be greatly appreciated also tips on where I went wrong, what I could have done better, criticism or even praise.
I recently dated this girl I met through online dating, HB8 maybe 9 but more importantly she had an amazing personality as opposed to being as dull and vapid as most other women I spoke to online. She is 2 years older than me, 23 and lives 2 hours away. We spoke a lot and built a lot of attraction before meeting. I was never really looking for a relationship and she was aware of this but I quickly became infatuated. She was the first person I actually met online and I f-closed on the first date, however being very new to pua I had gone without any action for almost a year so the sex was pretty bad on my behalf.
Despite that we agreed to meet again. Was very much in the comfort stage, used terms of endearment, conversation flowed really well, had great rapport etc. Anyway she bailed on our second date, due to a bipolar episode which she had never previously mentioned. This actually led both of us to open up to having feelings for each other (bad move?). We then agreed to meet again (her suggestion) although the time we agreed upon wasn’t ideal as she had other plans which she had ‘apparently’ forgotten about. She told me to keep thinking of ideas for our next date but after twice being messed around I tried no contact which lasted almost a week until she got angry at me for not messaging her. I told her I was seeing how long I could go without messaging her and I was busy, she then had a complete turn around and told me we’re not suited and it was immature to play games with her so she didn’t want to see me. Initially I agreed so as not to be needy or AFCish.
A few days later I vented and accused her of using me for an ego boost and validation as well as being hypersexual which upset her and she explained how she thinks I am ‘awesome’ but she still felt upset about a break up months ago with a guy who lives overseas, (she cheated on him) and she can’t handle the distance thing again. So despite me still wanting her we kind of ended things on good terms and she said maybe if we’re both single in a few months we could try again.
So I decided not to contact her again but a few weeks later she messaged me on the dating site telling me she missed me along with some flirting back and forth. A day later she told me she doesn’t want anything and she shouldn’t have messaged me because she’s too busy and can’t deal with hurting me and again she said maybe we could try again in the future under different circumstances (distance, depending on if we’re single etc.) but she said she couldn’t guarantee anything as she was considering moving overseas in the future, she also encouraged me to continue seeing other people and not to wait for her.
So I tried not contacting her again except a week later I questioned her intentions and asked her why she told me she missed me. I didn’t get a clear answer so I again pretty much accused her of using me for emotional validation since the whole time I continually saw her online on the dating site. I told her if she doesn’t want me now I’m not going to be a back-up option for her in the future. She then accused me of being immature for mentioning that I’ve been with other people since yet still can’t forget her and she admitted to having seen or dated other guys the whole time she was making excuses about being too busy etc. She actually seemed jealous.
I never got an answer but I knew sex was really important to her (she is much more experienced than myself which is probably the reason she ended things) so it appears as though the whole time she was too afraid to say this and continued to string me along and use me to boost her ego while she slept with other guys. I called her out on this and was a little nasty but basically said goodbye and wished her well. She then said she doesn't owe me an explanation but she also admitted to caring what I think about her. I'm not sure whether that means she still likes me?
Now the messed up part, I still like her and I really want to see her again. I’m willing to go without contact and continue seeing other people, the fact that I managed to f-close a hot 23 year old in my first real attempt at online dating and she was genuinely interested in me at one point has given me some confidence yet I kind of get jealous at the thought of other guys seeing her, despite her faults she is amazing. I deleted my dating profile mostly because I didn’t want her to have the satisfaction of seeing me appear as desperate as her in using it so much. Given the fact our lives are so separate and we have no mutual friends or will ever likely run into each other I am now pretty much non-existent to her. Would it be best to tell her right now how much I want to see her/miss her or should I wait a couple more weeks (it’s been almost 2 weeks since I broke contact) and risk her having met someone else or should I avoid telling her altogether? I could basically just say ‘hello’ “such and such reminded me of you”…'insert neg' ‘how are you going?” and start gaming her all over again which almost seems like a waste. I don’t understand how she could go from being so keen to ending things and completely switching off her feelings since. I realise telling her I liked her was a big mistake but initially it only seemed to increase her interest.
Some advice would be great please!