Hey guys this will be first and hopefully not my last post on this site since it is great! However I need some opinions on how I should act on this problem I have.
Here is my situation (I am 19 years old):
I have had a girlfriend for a year and a half and it was an okay relationship, we didn't see each other much (roughly twice a week) and we met in high school and started dating during our last year (we were in the same year) and it ended this year in June after we had both been to the same University for a year. I will get to why we broke up soon.
Basically I never managed to have sex with her throughout our entire relationship and this bugged me for obvious reasons (I have a high sex drive and I won't apologise for that) and to combat this I tried to engage her and talk about how she felt about sex however she wasn't having it and kept quiet. I suspect we didn't have sex because I never showed her I loved her, I never said it out loud and I failed to make her comfortable around me (If I had been on this forum this time last year this wouldn't have happened eh? (; ).
Now I finished my first year of Uni and passed so did she but I decided I was going to join the Army (British) for my own reasons and this lead to us not talking for a while (she probably saw this as a sign that I was not committed to her) and this lead me to break up with her. It was a very mutual and friendly break up.
However we had a holiday planned a week after with our friends to go camping for a week and I still decided to go since I had paid for it and my friends were going and I was still friendly towards my now ex girlfriend (Let's call her girl A). We went on holiday and one member of our group (there was around 12 of us) was girl A's ex boyfriend (let's call him boy A) before me and one of girl A's friends blurted out that girl A and boy A should have sex and this really farked me up in the head. They didn't but the emotional damage still occurred.
I became very jealous and worried that girl A was going to do this with someone else and not me. It was very selfish of me to be so jealous since I broke up with her but regardless that is how I felt and I still to this day don't fully understand why. During the holiday I took girl A aside and told her I regretted the break up and that I wanted to work things out but my confidence was sapped and I came across as a loser. She was polite and told me she had things going on in her life that she didn't want to talk about and that she was sorry. She even hugged me and held my hand (I'm not sure what to make of that).
After the holiday I decided that I was in love with girl A since I had never felt that way about someone before and I couldn't stop thinking about her. When we got back home, after a few days I received a text from her enquiring about my choice of career. I replied saying it was to be an infantry soldier and she replied trying to convince me not to do it and that I was being stupid so I replied saying that she should phone me up to talk but she didn't. I didn't communicate with her for a few weeks until I asked her if she wanted to hang out and get coffee. We did and she asked when I would be going away. I told her and the look on her face really did give away that she was upset by it. I then walked her home and asked her why we stopped talking during our relationship and she didn't give me a straight answer so I told her that I couldn't be friends with her and that we shouldn't see each other. She said goodbye and hugged me whilst looking upset.
I thought this was the right thing to do to move on but it was so difficult I felt like I couldn't handle it and I stalked her on facebook (not something I'm proud of). After a while I met a new girl (girl B) and started dating her but I just wasn't attracted to her (she was a rebound) and to make matters worse she is friends with girl A. My head was in a shambles from the stress of joining the army and getting over girl A. So I decided to block girl A and unfriend her on facebook so I wasn't tempted to stalk her. However I feel that this might not have been the right thing to do because I really want her back.
Thanks for reading and I would appreciate any advice on what I could/should do.