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  • 1 Post By BigJoeTrucking

Thread: Feel the same way these guys do

  1. #1
    BigJoeTrucking is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Feel the same way these guys do

    I have been reading on this board and trying to take the advice, but it is not easy. My ex dumped me and is having fun with another guy.

    I have a pain in the pit of my stomach, that won't go away and I haven't been able to eat food for five weeks. When I go hang out with friends, all I can think about is being with her. We watch TV and I have to leave because I would rather deal with the thoughts and pain alone.

    You say talk to girls, go to the gym, etc, etc. My stomach is killing me, every hour is a struggle. There is no cure for depression,lonelines s, and heartbreak. I am doing the "no contact" rule but maybe contact will help me heal. I wish I could feel normal again and I can't go months like this. I don't feel like doing anything anymore. You guys give great advice but it's not that easy to do the gym thing or hang out with people, when you can't get your thoughts off your current situation.

  2. #2
    pua_wannabe is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Feel the same way these guys do

    Dude its not easy we get that, but let me ask you something what feels worse your current hurting or when she told you its over and she already had a another man lined up under your nose? Be aware it will happen again if you dont do something about it.
    Take her off that farking pedestal!

    “The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.”
    ― Flannery O'Connor

  3. #3
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feel the same way these guys do

    Going no contact with your ex isn't meant to get her back. Its to help increase your chances by giving her the physical and emotional space to sort things out herself. But doesn't guarantee anything and is also meant to get your head clear first.

    Contacting her WILL NOT heal you. If she is with another man then it could only end bad and leave you feeling worse. You have to take care of yourself first if you have any chance of getting her back and not while you are still very vulnerable.

    A breakup goes through very similar phases as the grieving process. Things like denial, anger, bartering, depression, acceptance are all things you will have to go through. There's no avoiding it.

    If you think about it, do you think you would feel the same amount of pain over this breakup 10 years from now? How about 5years? 1 year? 6 months? Obviously you will eventually get over it. For now just focus on spending about 30 min a day to mourn, then spend the rest of your day to try and find things to distract you.

    I think completely absorbing yourself in the situation could be more hurtful than it needs to be than if you distracted yourself. Then again, distracting yourself without taking the time to mourn (which is probably what your ex is doing) will likely put you in a rebound relationship that you may grow to resent later once it catches up to you. So I would try to balance out between the mourning and the distracting.

    I know it bothers the hell out of you she is happy with someone else. I think any guy that it doesn't bother really didn't love the woman in the first place. Don't let your imagination get the best of you. You really don't know what's going on with them. You already know her issues so you can be happy about the fact he will eventually have to deal with those same issues. I regularly will use techniques that will allow a woman's imagination do the work for me by filling in the gaps. So you really have to focus on something else as best you can. Focus on all her faults. Focus on that new, exciting woman that's waiting for you to get out of your funk and be with you. How she is waiting for you to approach her confidently and make her feel sexy and valued and her do the same for you. That a woman that's treats you better DOES exist.

    There's something called a "Halo effect" where you see your ex in nothing but perfect. I read an article where they referenced Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Funny movie. In the beginning he is so depressed because his ex was the perfect woman. As the movie progresses he gets closer to another woman and slowly starts to recall all the messed up things his ex used to do and realized she wasn't as perfect as he originally thought when he lost her. That's what the halo effect does. It makes you focus on only the positive things and you forget the negative parts. Hope this helps and good luck.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Feel the same way these guys do

    I agree with Batman on the halo effect. It's very strange but we all do this coming out of a break-up. My suggestion is that you write a list of at least ten of her faults. Don't concentrate on any of her positive traits, bash her and take her off the pedestal that you've placed her on. It really does help.

    I know you're hurting and it's really hard to take everyone's advice and work-out, talk to other women, etc. You're going to have to reach deep down and find the inner warrior inside of you. What are you really made of when your back is against the wall? Are you going to let this woman destroy you or are you going to fight by pushing forward every day until you feel strong again? Take it one day at a time.

    I guarantee you that this is just a storm and it will pass. I've survived several gut-wrenching break-ups in my life so believe me man, I know. Stay strong buddy...
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  5. #5
    BigJoeTrucking is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Feel the same way these guys do

    Thanks guys!! I appreciate it.

  6. #6
    Brock491 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Feel the same way these guys do

    Well you have some great advice here so there is not a lot more I can add. But I can relate because everybody has at one time or another been where you are.

    My ex-left me for my friend after I helped out financially and put her in rehab for her drug problem. She even had the nerve to take my clothes and give them to him which was a total slap in face. Obviously, I was devastated but I did get over it.

    Personally, I found it helpful to reach out to my fun loving friends. I went out when I didn't want to but It did help. Spot the hottest chicks and imagine yourself with them. When you build up the self confidence you can begin approaching them. Before you know it, you will be thinking about the hot chick in bar more than your ex.

    Hope it helps.

  7. #7
    Autismus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feel the same way these guys do

    I can relate too. I had mad halo-effect with this one ex of mine.

    Another problem too is if you get the halo effect and then you start imagining your future, and what life will be like with this perfectly halo'd woman. Once it ends, you still have attachment to that grand and romanticized future.

    It's painful to re-assess and re-write your ideas of the future. But if pain didn't make us stronger there would be no superheros.
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  8. #8
    Hopeful33's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feel the same way these guys do

    dude im going through the same thing as you. but you know what i am fighting through it as much as possible. we broke up about 2 weeks ago and i know for a fact she is having sex with another guy in NYC. i had a date last night with a girl and she wants to keep seeing me she said that. i also have a date later this week with a really attractive girl. so just push through it heck i still cant stop thinking about her with another guy but it helps that i have some distractions
    im on a different level

  9. #9
    BigJoeTrucking is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Feel the same way these guys do

    Thank you, guys. Everyday is a uphill battle. I have been praying a lot. Last night I stayed at my friend's for three hours and finally got into the TV show instead of my thoughts. Last night was the first time all weekend, I was able to eat two meals because I'm tricking my stomach and thoughts into not thinking about her.

    1.She contacted me on Friday and said she has a DVD of mine.

    2.She contacted me this morning to send her condolences because one of my friends passed away. She said,"I'm sorry hunn". But she calls everyone hunn, so I don't know.

    3.She emailed one of my friends to say hi.

    She's probably looking for closure or to be my friend and I can't. I'll continue the "no contact" rule. As hard as it is.


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