I can't decide what to do and I'm hoping you guys may be able to help. At the end of the day, I really want this girl back. I think she's great and that she probably lost interest in me because I made myself too available to her. There are also commitment issues on her part that may factor into this (I'll explain a little more further down), but I do firmly believe that she ultimately wants something serious in her life. Here's the background on the situation:
We dated for 3 months. It felt like there was a real connection between us and I absolutely saw those feelings in her too.
Three months into it, she told me that she felt like something between us was off...that our connection wasn't as strong as she thought it should have been after 3 months. She said she thought I was amazing and did all the right things a guy possibly could have done, but she felt like there should have been more of a connection. I made it clear that I didn't feel the same way, but didn't put up a fight, beg, etc. I just told her it was all really unfortunate and wished her well. This all happened a month ago.
I went NC for about 2 weeks before I cracked and sent her a very brief email (about 3-4 sentences) telling her that I wish she would have talked things through with me before jumping to a decision because I feel like certain things that could have been worked on contributed to the way she felt. I told her she didn't need to write back if she didn't have any doubts about her decision.
She wrote back a few hours later and said she couldn't say she didn't have doubts because I was an amazing guy etc., but that at this point in time, a relationship between us didn't feel right to her. She said she'd really like to be friends but completely understood if I didn't feel like I could handle that at this point. She also said she'd be glad to speak in person if there was anything I'd like to discuss with her. Drawing on crap's nonchalance strategy (and my own success with a past ex), I decided to take that approach and tell her that I accepted her decision and wasn't going to try to change her mind. I said that the idea of friendship took a bit of getting used to since everything was unexpected, but that I had no problem with it.
She responded and thanked me for my understanding...and asked me to get dinner one night (she suggested next week, which was two weeks from that point in time). I agreed to meet her for dinner.
I really want her back. I know that she hasn't found anyone else, but I also know that she felt the way she did about me for a reason. Here's my question, I guess:
If I meet up with her, I can definitely handle myself well with her to the point where I won't seem needy, I won't bring up the relationship, and I can come across as genuinely happy with my life. I've been dating other girls since the breakup and I completely understand what needs to be done in order to move on. I'm not basing my life around a reconciliation by any means.
At the same time, I really do feel strongly about her and I'd love to do whatever I could to try to pull off a reversal here. I didn't bring this up before, but I happen to be the most serious relationship she's ever had (and she's 29 years old). I was deliberately taking things VERY slow with her because I never wanted her to feel too overwhelmed, and part of me feels like I prevented myself from ever truly opening up to her because of this, which may have potentially fed into the lack of connection she ended up feeling.
In light of all of the above, what would you do about our dinner plans next week if you were me? Here are the options as I see it:
1. Go out with her, act completely nonchalant and happy with myself, bring up nothing about our relationship, and come across as really happy overall. Basically try to implicitly communicate what she's missing out on compared to any lame first dates she's been on.
2. Put off the dinner by another week or two. Just send her an email and tell her something came up that night and see if she can reschedule. (Does this make her look like less of a priority to me and therefore factor into a bigger strategy that communicates non-neediness and lack of interest that makes her more interested?).
3. Completely write this off as a lost cause and not even reach out to her about specifics regarding the dinner? Just cut off contact without an explanation.
I really do want her back and it's more than just an ego thing or feeling the need to have her because of doubts that I can get someone else. I just want her. I've done more than my fair share of dating to know that she's what I'm looking for. I unfortunately think it may have come down to a combination of her lack of relationship history (with a possible underlying issue) and the fact that I made myself too available to her.
I know that NC may be the conventional approach with most people, but since it was only 3 months and she was looking for a closer connection, part of me feels like the logical move is to go out with her, have a great time, and let her feel that connection on her own without me bringing up any actual issues.
Appreciate any and all suggestions here. I hope I've explained the situation well enough to give you a basis for your opinion.