LONG long story short.
Met a girl at college senior year (3 years ago). We were each other's first really serious thing... but we are both relatively serious, super ambitious, career-driven people. Her more so than me; she's very feminist and doesn't drink at all.
Relationship was great and we talked a ton about having a future together. Enjoyed the hell out of each other.
She went abroad for a year because that's what she had planned after college, and we did long distance. Ended up with all the usual long-distance problems: I was resentful and took her for granted when she came back.
We were planning to move to New York together, she got fed up with me trying to find the perfect job before I went, and treating her kinda badly, we got distant, and she ended up deciding to move without me. Then broke up with me.
Breakup was about as bad as one could be, given that it basically blue-balled my life. Lots of shit said, lots of attraction lost, dug myself a massive, massive hole. Don't think I need to go into any more detail than that, shit's fucked.
We've talked a few times since the breakup, which was 4 months ago, and I've gotten things onto slightly better terms between us. A month ago, told her I accept/understand the breakup, apologized for some things, and need some space myself. She said it was great to talk to me but definitely isn't remotely ready to consider getting back together.
Now it turns out I'm moving to New York myself, January 1. I'll be in the city on and off starting later this month, trying to raise money for a startup company. And I'm going to be running a company out there, working for myself.
Now: This is the only girl I've ever met that I could see myself marrying, and I really do miss talking to her. I'd really like to get back with her.
But I don't want to scare her off.
Any ideas for how to handle this? I'm torn about whether to re-initiate contact before January, given that I won't have my own place until then and will just be staying on friends' couches... not exactly the best situation from which to re-ignite attraction and project a strong, stable frame.
We'll likely both be in New York for at least a few years.. given that's the case, do I have to slow play a little bit more? Should I just meet her for coffee when I'm out in New York very casually and see where things go from there? Any ideas/strategies.. much appreciated...