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Thread: Is there an exception to NC if the man was the cause of breakup?

  1. #1
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    Default Is there an exception to NC if the man was the cause of breakup?

    In my relationship, the breakup was caused mostly by my constant lateness, unpredictable temper over menial shit (bit of an anxiety issue), and ability to make my girlfriend cry once a week because I'm inconsiderate (even though its not on purpose), even despite our days of absolute love that we couldn't even compare other people having.

    With our last words about 6 days ago, we had a big fight where I exploded on her about her actions, and said if you drive away its over, and she did, with tears.

    I feel like I might be in the wrong and I am wondering if this No Contact stuff is only working against me. Correct me if im wrong!

    I feel like she is slipping away, and that there isn't another one out there like her. She doesn't drink excessively, she has an amazing mind set to be successful, she is very polite, accepting, understanding, she constantly bakes me stuff, splits the bill, comes to see me more than vise versa, drives a Camaro... am I not seeing this clearly?

    Her latest and only post about us has been "..."Maybe it's not about trying to fix something, maybe its about starting over and creating something new" and I immediately added chick i've been talking to this week on facebook after debating it, as a "oh you wanna play that game huh" but i'm not sure if its to try and trick me and come crawling back, which i don't want to do if its needy and repelling.

    Thanks guys

  2. #2
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is there an exception to NC if the man was the cause of breakup?

    Take her off the pedestal man! She's not perfect and niether are you. Correct me if I'm wrong. Didn't she cuddle up to some guy in front of you? Despite all of your faults in the relationship did you ever do that to her? Don't make excuses for her behavior and don't place all of the blame on yourself (although you do deserve some).


    Freeze her out for awhile and let her clear her head. She needs to miss you for this to work. Also, you need some time to yourself. Are you really ready for a relationship? It sounds like you were deliberately pushing her away and taking her forgranted. Maybe there are some things that you need to figure out about yourself before jumping back in. I'm just sayin...


    There's no way around nc and your situation isn't that much different. I would suggest you wait for her to contact you. Because she will if you sit back, relax, and play your cards right.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Is there an exception to NC if the man was the cause of breakup?

    Liukang75 makes some good points. I really feel you should take this time to work on yourself. We always want what we can't have (in a sense). Now she is gone and you want her back which is only natural. But you must realize that without taking time to work on yourself, you will just fall back into the same habits and the cycle continues. I always believe it takes two to tango. You are both at fault and yet it is neither of your faults.

    You may not want to hear this, but if you are serious about getting into a healthy relationship with her then you need at least a month to reflect and gain some perspective on things before you jump back in. Trust me I've been there and you don't want history to repeat itself. You may think you can change right now and things will be good, but the odds that you both actually will make the necessary changes at this time are very slim.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Is there an exception to NC if the man was the cause of breakup?

    Thank you both for your incredible analysis of my situation. I agree 100% and needed you two to remind me of what a big mistake I could make by jumping back into it as I have done many time before with the same unfortunate result.

    Either we part ways or rejoin in the future, but either way we will grow individually regardless of the pain I endure now.

    BTW: How do I deal with friends who have VERY abusive / non-existent / troubled relationships, influencing her and her decision about the situation?

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    Default Re: Is there an exception to NC if the man was the cause of breakup?

    Agree with BatMan, at begging it's hard, you just need time to heal yourself and see situation more clearly. I was there as many of you, being beta, acting as AFC Then with help of you guys, i realized so many things, and start reading material about PUA's ...

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Is there an exception to NC if the man was the cause of breakup?

    I've had an ex who had had a gf tell her advice when she had a bf who constantly cheated on her. When she told me "Well *blank* said I should do this and that blah blah..." I would just laugh in her face and tell her "Look, if you want to know how to be a millionaire, then ask a millionaire. Not a homeless man."
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is there an exception to NC if the man was the cause of breakup?

    There's nothing you can do. You just have to live your life and not worry about all the other variables that you have no control over. The only person you do have any control over in this world is yourself. Batman introduced me to a great quote once, from Madmen- "If you don't like what's being said then change the conversation."

    Who cares what they say or do? The more that you care about what they are saying, the more power you give them over you and your relationship with this girl. The solution is simple and the behavior needed to correct this problem is to be alpha. Be happy and confident with who you are as a man and fark what everyone thinks or says about you.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  8. #8
    konman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is there an exception to NC if the man was the cause of breakup?

    Id like to ask one more thing. After 2.5 years im feeling like i should contact her and give a sort of intro to us having NC to acknowledge that we cant jump back into things without stepping back to try and fix it.

    We have had 1 week so far. Am I just being beta thinking this way? I have a date on Wednesday with a chick regardless. i just dont want resentment to build from our last talk being super heated vs being able to make it more of a neutral break up.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Is there an exception to NC if the man was the cause of breakup?

    The main point to NC is if SHE broke up with YOU and she needs space. Usually if she felt smothered or lost attraction.

    I think it's fine to contact her. This may sound NON-PUA, but whoever said PUA was good at relationships lol. So let her know that you still care for her and it wasn't your intentions to put you both in this situation. Follow this by telling her that you need time to work on yourself before you come back and try to work anything out. Also wish her the best.

    You want to introduce this obstacle before she does because it essentially puts you in control of when you get back together. That is, if she still wants to work things out.

    Then just NC for at least a month. She may text or call during this time which is fine. For every time she contacts you only respond 1/3 times. Make yourself scarce, but not disappear.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."


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