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Thread: Please Help Guys Seriously Need Help With Ex GF

  1. #41
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help Guys Seriously Need Help With Ex GF

    Competitive anxiety is a beautiful thing.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  2. #42
    urbanhero is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Please Help Guys Seriously Need Help With Ex GF

    Guys, I spoke to her on the phone in length last night.

    She had been txting me over the weekend like "have a messed us up" and "im so sorry"

    We agreed to meet in principle tonight. I am little nervous and dont know how to play it. I mean i want her back but do i tell her? She keeps focusing on the reasons why we split up and is encouraged by my perceived change in appearance/lifestyle, but does not know weather i can last the change.

    Wish myself good luck.

  3. #43
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    flyer1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help Guys Seriously Need Help With Ex GF

    If you got your ex girlfriend back tomorrow, what would you do different, and what would be different as to not follow the same path and break up again? Instead of worry who she is seeing, or going on holiday with or wondering if it’s a test, you should be getting yourself together in tackling that gambling problem, and becoming an alpha male. These are the things that will lead her back to you, and not sitting around becoming an emotional wreck. You have become desperate and it shows in your writing so how much does it convey to people when you talk to them face to face. Take advantage of the books, articles and audios available through pua or other sites to help you get your mind and body together, and then and only then when you start displaying confidence and alpha male traits will she then see a difference and come back and if not maybe you will find someone else better. I’ve been in your same situation and thought that the person I broke up with was the only one for me. Boy was I wrong! There is a big world out there with lots of girls so just imagine the fun you will have finding them. Good luck dude!

  4. #44
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help Guys Seriously Need Help With Ex GF

    Quote Originally Posted by urbanhero View Post
    Guys, I spoke to her on the phone in length last night.

    She had been txting me over the weekend like "have a messed us up" and "im so sorry"

    We agreed to meet in principle tonight. I am little nervous and dont know how to play it. I mean i want her back but do i tell her? She keeps focusing on the reasons why we split up and is encouraged by my perceived change in appearance/lifestyle, but does not know weather i can last the change.

    Wish myself good luck.
    What happened? Did things go well?
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  5. #45
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help Guys Seriously Need Help With Ex GF

    What's the latest, awaiting update

  6. #46
    urbanhero is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Please Help Guys Seriously Need Help With Ex GF

    I am now seriously confused guys. I met her a nice little pub we used to frequent together. I got there early for a change and uncharactistically got a cab up there. She drove. I went inside oredered the drinks and sat down waiting.

    She then txted me when outside saying "i've arrived how long you going to be"?

    I replied "I will be 10 mins wait inside". I waited 5 mins and she had not entered, so i went outside to the car and shook the car, which scared her and she laughed and said i was out of order, she said OMG you have been here all along! It had started well.

    We then joked and chatted and fluffed around for around 1hr. I bought a few drinks and sum food. I made sure i bought both drinks, as i can be quite stingy at times in our relationship, so i was trying to portray a new me.

    Then it was gonna happen sooner or later - the serious stuff. I started the convo "do you think we have a future together" - she replied NO. - this was like a knife twisting in my heart. But i stayed composed and tryed to not let it effect me. I continued and asked a few probing questions. She said she still loved me. She focused on alot of the negatives in the relationship building upto the break up. I told her i had a tough year, coping with the loss of my Nan, my depression, and my gambling. I apologised. I said you know what though, i have changed now, I am the person i was at the start of the relationship, i want to have fun, i want to do things. I make people smile. I am positive. She said that i looked smarter and happier. I then held her hand and said look i know i havent been perfect in the last 2 years, but the realtionship was great over the course and we shared some amazing memories. I said i think we could work something out, even if we were seeing each other for a while. She gave me a cuddle. She said what about me parents (random question)and she did nt want to get hurt. i said it does'nt matter what they think, but they love you anyways and they are happy if I am and i wont hurt you and i am me now for good! I said the problem is though, i have this energy about me now and ppl notice this, e.g. girls. I said that its difficult. She said i dont want u, but i dont want anyone else to want you. - again this hurt. She seemed pissed off that i said that other girls could be interested. (i wanted her to be jealous). She then said its not fair of me to ask you not to see othr girls. We held hands for most of the evening. And she drove me home. - Eventually we left it as maybe we will do on a date at a different time. But she is ultra busy and so am i, so fitting this in will be difficult.

    But all in all a few annoying moments, but i postive in general with the outcome, im just a little confused with how to take it now. So far i have slipped back into No contact as i know she is busy going forward. but hopefully i can arrange a date sometime next week.

  7. #47
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help Guys Seriously Need Help With Ex GF

    Alright, I'm going to point out a couple of things that I think you did wrong.


    1.Bringing up the relationship by asking if she thought you two had a future together. This is a big no-no. It shows your desperation to get back together with her right away. You have to be who you were when you first met her and started dating. Did you ask her then if she thought that you two would have a future together? Most likely not. You didn't push things then because you weren't desperate. You most likely let things take thier natural course right?


    2.Apologizing. Now I know you have quite a few reasons to apologize. I'm not saying it's wrong to apologize but it's how you do it that's important here. You don't want to let her have too much power in that situation because your apologizing will only end up reinforcing her decision to break-up with you. You could simply say "I realize that I made some huge mistakes and I'm working on becoming a better man", and leave it at that. I wouldn't even have brought it up though to tell you the truth. You want the first meeting to be a feel good event.


    3.Telling her that you've changed. SHE HAS TO SEE THIS FOR HERSELF!!! You can't sell a woman on what kind of man you are. It never works and here is why: Alpha's don't need to verbally sell themselves, beta's do. I'm not saying that you're not an alpha. I personally think that every guy has an alpha and a beta within them. Kind of like the yin and yang thing, ya know? Right now you're hurt and you want her back. The beta within you has a little more power right now but only because you're hurting.

    All in all, you've still got a shot with this woman no matter what she tells you. Her saying that is only to meant to draw out the beta bitch within you so she can sleep peacefully at night knowing that she was right to let you go. My ex said the same types of things while we were broken up. Nearly two-weeks after she said stuff like that she was going down on me. Her words hurt me but I showed no weakness and portrayed that I was just peachy about the whole situation. This is what drives women mad and what gets them wet. This is what you must convey. Go back to nc and keep working on yourself. Don't take what she says too seriously. Nobody knows what the future will bring right? It's a win-win situation for you. Either she comes back and you know it's because she really loves you or she doesn't and you meet a better girl. Also, you're getting a chance to take a serious look at yourself. Take this opportunity to fight your inner demons. Good luck!
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  8. #48
    urbanhero is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Please Help Guys Seriously Need Help With Ex GF

    I totally agree with you liukang, you make some break points. It was very difficult to continue the convo at all without talking about the actual relationship. And obviously, when talking about the relationship, negatives and problems will arise. I think i did, all i could at the time! I have now moved into no contact mode.

    I told some of my friends and they believe that her single friends might be influencing her, this is frustrating me.

  9. #49
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help Guys Seriously Need Help With Ex GF

    I know it's tough to do everything right when your emotions are on rapid-fire. It takes a bit of acting to tell you the truth. Oh well, that meeting is over. It's time to focus on your future interactions with her. Remember that you got results when you gave her competitive anxiety. She even said that she didn't want you but didn't want anyone else to want you. This is fear of loss and competitive anxiety wrapped up nicely. Great work on creating this!!! I don't know about you but I love it when my opponent tells me where thier weak-spot is.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  10. #50
    urbanhero is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Please Help Guys Seriously Need Help With Ex GF

    Thats the thing she tells me all her weak spots.

    I spoke to a mutual friend yesterday and apparantly via txt to her friend she said " i am so confused he is happy and he has been txting a blonde girl with no job and a kid". (she has got a job)

    Now to know that she must have done some extensive research, as she is on my twitter but has a protected account. she must have found her on facebook or something. Thats extreme spy work.

    I was thinking of going into no contact until after the weekend and then maybe trying to arrange a meet up. My frined thinks her single friends may be influencing her in not getting back with me. Is there anything i can do about this?


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