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Thread: Confusing Ex (didn't trust me)

  1. #1
    jaiw is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Confusing Ex (didn't trust me)

    been reading the forums for last month or so and tried to use a lot of what i have read but i now need some help/advice.

    am 34 but am studying at university and back in January i met a girl in the uni bar, hit it off n went back my place. Kept it casual for just over a month with us spending a nite or 2 together each week until she asked me to go out with her one nite in march. I said yes straight away as was falling for this girl even though she was 18 at the time.

    We was a couple for 5 months (but together for 6 1/2 months) got engaged in that time, talked bout our future but also had some arguments n mini breakups along the way till 5 weeks ago she came to see me for the week (i had exams n see wanted to help me) n things where rocky to say the least resulting in her saying after my last exam 'we need to talk' she told me she didnt trust me (i messed up at easter n nearly slept with a girl) n that thought i was controlling (i cant deny i was very possessive) so i told her cant be with someone who thinks of me like that n ended the relationship n walked out.

    We continued talking for a week but then i cut contact telling her i needed time to move on. She broke contact a few times texting me asking me little things like when am i back in university, and if i was still coaching the team she was going to join at university. Then last Thursday am out with my friends and she calls me when she is wasted and says she dont know whats gong on before her friend takes the phone from her and says she is putting her to bed and shes ok. I get a text the next day from her saying sorry for the call and can we talk when i get back to campus later that day, i agree but later had to cancel as something came up and she said its fine don't need talk now. I left it at that but when i got to campus she texts saying someone told her i was back so we text a bit but she says we cant try again (she brought it up not me).

    I go the bar with my friends the next nite and see her at the bar and she see's me and starts being all over a lad i know, i just laughed it off n carried on having fun with my friends. See text me in the early hours asking why i had given her a funny look which i didnt n then tried calling me which i ignored. She then calls and texts me the next nite saying she heard i was going to beat the lad she was with on the nite i saw her, text her the next day and explain i hadnt and had no intention to and after that we talked general stuff till i went to work. That night she calls me a bit drunk asking if could come mine as she had lost her keys, i said ok so she came mine and spent the nite (yes we had sex am only human) she left in the morning giving me a kiss. She text me later that day asking if we could talk about the night before so she came mine but as soon as she got here we started kissing n fooling around until our urges kicked in again n slept together. She left to go home about an hour later but text me for an hour when she got home and the same when she woke up. I then go out to the bar last nite and see her and she was off with me and she went back to her friends so text asking if she was ok and got yeah just don't want talk to you, then i made stupid move asking if i had done something and got yeah your just being you so left it there but she text again 5 mins later saying it was a mistake what had happened and i should go sh*g someone else who is worth it, again i didnt respond but she did go out of her way to walk by my friends and I.

    I haven't heard from her since and i have no idea what to do or think, I do love this girl and try again but i know her friends dont approve because of my age even tho she has told me she loves and misses me i dont know if its enough for her to go against her friends. Any advice???

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Confusing Ex

    This is only my opinion...but my friend I think she may be more level headed than you give her credit for. Breaking up just because she said she doesn't trust you is not a good reason to break up. The whole story sounds like an up and down roller coaster and she sounds like she just got tired of your games. She may just be trying to help herself by staying away from the drama. If you want her then you have to be her rock. Be the strong man and lead her. Not bail because of a comment she made.

    I recently got into an LTR myself and trust me she has tested me on things where before I would just say fuck it and walk away. But I refused and held my ground. She now knows that if she is ever in doubt that I'm the one that's calm and confident. And whenever I'm in doubt, she gets really nervous lol. My point is to know what you want and go for it. It doesn't make you look needy AT ALL if you know how to do it right. PUA helps us influence women to chase us, but we still have to be leaders and be confident in the decisions we make, such as getting into a serious relationship and sticking to it. For better or for worse (you did get engaged right?) Its not all puppy dogs and ice cream my friend so you got to be able to handle the tough times. If she doesn't trust you....so what. YOU trust YOU so she needs to get over it. A quote from Don Draper of the show MadMen "If you don't like what's being said, change the conversation."

    Again this is just my opinion so feel free to be skeptical.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    rem12 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Confusing Ex

    You should sit down and decide if you still want to be with this girl or not. I don't know your whole story, but it sounds as if the relationship ended sort of abruptly.

    It sounds like the both of you are still interested in being together, but you've probably been sending mixed signals. Best thing to do is decide what you want, and talk to her. And it shouldn't matter what her friends think, you are two adults. Relationships take a lot of work but as my dad used to tell me "you have to decide if the juice is worth the squeeze" lol.

    good luck man

  4. #4
    jaiw is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Confusing Ex (didn't trust me)

    yes batman we did get engaged and loved that we did as it made me fall even more for her and tbh i have never felt like this about anyone before so thats why am treading carefully with things as much as i can as dont want to overwhelm her, i still do want to be with her and make a real go of it though.

    I saw her on campus earlier and she was with her friends (the ones who dont agree with her being with me) and i was with a girl from my course and we both saw each other and looked away and her friend put arm round her and they walked away. However i did get a text from her about 20 mins later asking if i wanted the money back i had borrowed her for a taxi cab.

    I am yet to respond to the text, about an hour and half ago due to having a lecture, do you guys think i should ask her to met somewhere neutral to talk and lay my cards out on the table, i.e. tell her that i want to be with her and try again and make it work and we have had problems but i want to work towards fixing them so we have a future together with no arguments etc.

    What do you guys think?

  5. #5
    jaiw is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Confusing Ex (didn't trust me)

    well i went ahead and contacted her yesterday.....agreed to met and went for a walk in the park to talk. I laid it out how i felt and that i wanted to give it a go and try and work things out. She agreed and said she loves me and misses me but knows that it will be hard with her friends but we are going to see how it goes. I left her after that as i had football training but she text me when i had finished it asking how it went, we flirted a bit and she said she would come see me later on that nite as she was going to spend time with her friends.

    She came round and spent the nite with me just cuddling and kissing as we both agreed it be best to go slow. I walked her home this morning and kissed her goodbye before i had to go do some football stuff but have texted each other since and seems that we are ok and can even become stronger than before but only time will tell.

    Thanks for listening to my problems guys and giving me some advice and will still be on the forums to help others and try and learn how to be better myself.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Confusing Ex (didn't trust me)

    I'm very glad it worked out man. Not everyday this happens. Good luck.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."


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