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  1. #1
    Warrior222 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Soldier: Needs Help & Advice to Regain Love

    Short story - I want my ex back and do not know how to move forward! Help and advice needed.

    Long story: I am an Army officer, aged 55. Living in London, UK. My previous marriage was foul and I lived without my wife's company for nearly 15 years. A tour in Iraq and then immediately into Afghanistan ended the marriage. For the past 3 years, I have met and enjoyed the company of several great women, aged 26 to 57 of various nationalities. I am looking for someone that ticks my boxes as 'Friend, Lover and Companion'' (FLC). In Jan 2010 I met a that woman. Our interests overlap, where they don't, we are happy to explore the others interest - - and the sex was great! We started dating in Jan 2011 following 2-3 months of mutual flirting that grew in intensity.

    In Sep 2011 I was diagnosed as having a brain tumour; it took 3-4 months to find the growth is not cancerous. I am in constant pain and given drugs to help me cope. The drugs took another 5-6 months to grow accustomed.

    From Oct 11 to Easter 2012, I was in a drug-induced stupor, that reduced over time; from intense to no-longer bothering me. By April this year I was normal.

    Sadly, she dumped me in Jan 2012: saying she " longer felt 'it' for me...". I was heartbroken. This woman had grown close before I was ill and had nursed me during the 'going to die' and early period of stupor.

    It has taken some searching ... I can now admit I stopped being 'alpha'; I allowed her to take decisions on where to go/eat/drink/etc and we stopped flirting. As we walked along the street, holding hands she used to say " lead...".

    Her ex-BF (also of 15 years) is a wealthy self-opinionated egotist ... their background is one of him demanding her time, flying her off for a long weekend and then dropping her for another 2-6 months (the longest silence was 18 months). He has married twice and had children over that 15 year period ... he kept her 'on the side' throughout. She remained attached to him despite his behaviour. We were talking on the phone last week, when he called her cell phone; the ex-BF is still around/interested (cant blame him for that].

    From the above, I conclude that she was attracted to ex-BF and myself for the same alpha qualities. I lost that quality for a while and then lost her.

    We have remained in contact; although the regularity of the contact is fast fading (from daily in May/June to once per month in Sep). A mutual friend [another army officer] says she is not dating. I have dated 3 other women since Easter.

    How do I move forward?


  2. #2
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Soldier: Needs Help & Advice to Regain Love

    The only way to move forward and heal completely is to cut her out of your life--at least until you feel that you're strong enough to continue a friendship with her. This move also tends to re-kindle female interest in most situations. Stop talking to her, keep dating, and live your life. You know better than most people do how short this ride really is. Don't waste it by being stuck in the past.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

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