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Thread: Things going well with my ex?

  1. #1
    mth185 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Things going well with my ex?

    I'll try to keep this as short as possible...

    So after dating a relatively short time we more or less broke up. I go NC for a few weeks, she initiates first contact, and we talk a bit here and there over the next few months. But it was my behavior after the fact that sealed it - I chased, came off as desperate and needy I'm sure. I make the ultimate mistake of telling her exactly how I feel about her, she flat out says it's not mutual and I'm sure it scared her right off...about two weeks later she texts me and asks if she saw me drive by her (we live very close), it definitely wasn't me though. She goes right into chitchat, we end up going out for lunch. That was about two and a half weeks ago, and we've been chatting casually since then.

    She texts me this past monday afternoon saying that she has a few days off if I wanted to do something. I was busy that day but said we would get together. We continue to lightly text back and forth that night. Then she texts me around 1 AM asking if I was still awake. I was so I responded, and she says she rented a movie. I ask how it is...15 minutes later she replies "good but I'm going to bed."

    Again yesterday she texts me asks me what I'm doing, we end up spending a few hours together just running errands. Conversation was light and friendly, didn't get into anything about the past. She was playful but not outright flirty. But she made it a point on two separate occasions to say that she wasn't seeing anyone, but also that she "couldn't even think about dating right now." (Friend of mine said that she's on okcupid)

    I drop her off, she texts me later saying she had a lot of fun ect, ect.

    Feels like I'm making some progress here - I mean, I can't imagine she would communicate and hang out with me knowing how I feel about her if she only wanted to be friendly, right?

    Can anyone interpret/decipher any of this?

  2. #2
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Things going well with my ex?

    Her saying that she isn't dating anyone means she's qualifying herself to you. Keep up the alpha behavior because it's working. Progress report please.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  3. #3
    mth185 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Things going well with my ex?

    Thanks for your reply...but what do you mean by "qualifying herself?" All this terminology is new to me.

    Since I first made this post we've been communicating pretty regularly and seeing each other a good bit too. Kind of seems like she's finding reasons to see/contact me and we've been getting along great, not unlike when we first started dating. But I'm still doing my own thing, careful not to seem too eager or make myself available to her...when is it time to make a move?

  4. #4
    striker12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Things going well with my ex?

    Time to Make the move is when she does. Nock her back that time and wait for the second . When you stop caring things have a funny way of coming back around! Trust me on this one!

  5. #5
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Things going well with my ex?

    Ok she's confused - she wants to have a look around but doesnt want to loose you in the intermediate zone. She's insecure. I would act distant. Reply to her texts with short responses or not at all. You got two options - she uses you until she finds someone better online - or she chases back to you. She said the feeling is not mutual. Ignore that and make yourself unobtainable. Make yourself the 'one that got away and is going to get a better girl'. In fact do that as a matter course - go out and find a better girl. Make her beg to get you back. If she writes to you at 1pm say 'hey your text just woke me up!!' and don't reply anything more. If she writes to you Monday reply her tuesday. If she says are you free on wednesday say 'No I'm going out with a 'friend' Wednesday but I 'might' be free Friday night.

  6. #6
    mth185 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Things going well with my ex?

    Doesn't that run the risk of making her think I'm not interested anymore though? I actually have been seeing someone else, I honestly don't see it working out with her though.

    I may be new to "the game" but I'm no stranger to picking up women. As a relatively good looking guy with a knack for talking to people, I've never really had a problem in that department, not to say that I'm a master or anything though. This one's just different, can't even really put it into words, but everything's different with her.

  7. #7
    striker12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Things going well with my ex?

    Women only want what they cannot have. Don't be her emotional tampon! Cut loose and I gaurantee she will return once that grass ain't greener. Go out and get a new hobby do this for yourself it's a good talking point when having conversations with new people.

    That's my advice. I cut my ex free and after 4 months, last week she got back in touch. I was very cold and distant she kept digging and digging and then stoped. I don't know if she will text again and I don't really care lol. You'll get there!

  8. #8
    mth185 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Things going well with my ex?

    Oh believe me, I'm not chasing after her. I'm done with that. Most of the communication we've had over the last month or so has been initiated by her. If I'm busy or whatever I won't respond, if not then I will. Not gonna lie, I do want her back, but I'm not gonna follow her around like a lost puppy in the meantime.

    I guess my one worry is that maybe she decides that the grass IS greener on the other side...but there's not a whole lot I can do about that. Like I said, I'm just doing my own thing and we'll see how things shake out.

  9. #9
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Things going well with my ex?

    When a woman tells you she's not dating anyone it's an idicator of interest which means that she is qualifying herself to you because you're showing alpha traits and she wants to give you the green light so to speak.

    It's also a form of a Sh1t Test in your situation because she is testing you to see if you're dating anyone and also to see if you'll jump at the chance to get back together with her if she opens the door. When a woman makes statements like this after you've broken up, it is meant to guage how much alpha you've got in the tank.

    Her subconsious mind has already desexualized you and labeled you beta and now all of the sudden you're acting alpha so she has to test you. If you were to say "I'm not seeing anyone either, let's get back together baby", you would have failed miserably by showing her that you're not as alpha as she may have thought you were.

    She is testing you on a subconscious level. She wants a man that is desired by other women because it's an indicator of how desirable his genes are. In this situation it's best to say nothing and change the subject and act unnaffected by her statement. This move pits her imagination against her, which is the best weapon to use against any woman.

    She'll start to wonder if you are seeing anyone and it will eat at her slowly.This competitive anxiety will set the stage for getting back together with her.

    You basically do everything that whitedragon's saying you should do. Play hard to get and show her that you're unnaffected by this break-up, but don't be a d1ck to her. Show her you care for her but never let her know how much. Give her a little and then take it back. This rollercoaster of emotions is what women crave.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  10. #10
    mth185 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Things going well with my ex?

    Makes sense...because after she said that she wasn't seeing anyone (and "couldn't even think about dating") I just said "oh yeah?" and moved the conversation along. Guess I unknowingly passed it haha. I guess it's no coincidence then that after that day when she said that she started paying me a lot more attention.

    She's been a bit hot and cold over the last week though to be honest. Haven't heard from her in a few days - I went to a wedding Friday night with a smoking hot girl (just a friend, but my ex doesn't know that) and I'm sure she's seen the pictures from the wedding on facebook. Talked to her the following day and she kept asking about the wedding but didn't specifically ask about my date, kinda seemed like she was fishing for details without being too obvious. I didn't even mention my date and played it the right way I guess.


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