I just found this website and i'm hoping you someone can help.
My boyfriend (well ex now I suppose) have been together for two years. This year in particular we have been having some difficulties as I think at times both of us have found out moods to be quite low. Earlier in the year he almost broke up with me because I was very low and needy with him and he wasn't sure how to handle it. We managed to get back on track and I have since been acting differently with him.
He found out around the same time that he has a internship in another part of the country for three months coming up from November to February and we had talked about going together but he decided it was not a good idea as he didn't want to be distracted and wanted his sole focus to be getting a job at the company eventually but was adamant he wanted to do long distance for the three months. Having said that, he could not tell me how often we would see each other or speak with one another when he was away.
Over the past couple of months he has been extremely hot or cold with me. One minute he could be lovely and the next he would be grumping about nothing and taking his anger out on me by being a complete jerk. As it happened more often I began to pull him up on it more and more which I think was a shock for his system and I never use to do that.
About a month ago he was such a jerk it was indescribable so I told him to leave and sent him a message saying it was unacceptable. The next day he came around in tears and was so apologetic I was completely caught of guard. He explained that he wasn't feeling very happy in life at the time and that he wanted to talk to someone about it but maintained he wanted to be with me. Following this I have been as supportive as possible but his moods have still continued to be up and down and he has not gone to speak to anyone. Despite this though he still has been talking about our future together.
A week ago he did it again and was such a jerk I left in tears and later went back around to confront him. I think he actually was a little worried that I was going to break up with him. I told him how I felt and that it was unacceptable, had a good conversation with him and told him he needed to see someone. He agreed and I felt like we had made progress as we spent time together the following couple of days with no problems.
On Wednesday of this week he came around out of the blue and was all over the place. He said he didn't understand why he would get so angry and why he got angry with me, felt like he needed to work on himself, felt like the way he was he was hurting me was bad and that he, and I quote, felt 'emotionally unavaliable'. He at first couldn't even say that he wanted to break up but eventually did which caused the water works from me. Strangely though, when I was asking why he was saying over the past few months that he wanted to be with me and talking about our future, he said he still did want to be with me but he couldn't be as breaking up would hurt me less in the long run otherwise he would keep hurting me. I said that I was willing to wait and see how he was in a while and take some time apart because I wanted to be with him but he said he didn't want to make me think that that was a possibility as it was mean.
I haven't heard a thing from his since, although it has only been four days. Yesterday he deleted our relationship status on facebook, although he did not change it to single, instead it just vanished and instead says nothing so no one would have noticed apart from me.
What I am worried about is he is almost a bit of a coward when talking about things, and that he will be too scared to talk to me or say he made a mistake ect. We go to the same gym and I am worried about seeing him there, and if I do what I should do. I really want to be with, and I was willing to wait it out and see if he could change his behavior towards me and sort out how low he was feeling. I love him to bits and am not sure how to approach any of this. So far I haven't said a word to him or removed him as a facebook friend as I didn't want to do anything extreme that could make it worse and I want to appear as I am keeping my cool despite the water works he witnessed when he broke it off.
I am sorry for writing a novel here, but I thought explaining the whole thing might help.
Thank you for any help in advance, it is much appreciated xx