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Thread: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

  1. #11
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    I highly doubt that sending that kind of a text would improve things. Also, if she hasn't jumped at the opportunity to have lunch with you after not seeing you for awhile then that's a bad sign. Not to mention you followed up with her to "confirm" your meet up.

    She's the type that likes to be chased? Well most women do. That's why it's our job to get her to chase us. The chasing can vary woman to woman, but I believe that most women can be influenced to chase to some degree.

    Try to keep your focus on yourself and not necessarily trying to figure out what you think she needs. I know it's helpful, but detrimental if you put too much focus on what you need to do to get her back. So try to find that balance.

    Don't be nice. Be an asshole. You have to show her you really don't give a fuck anymore. That includes not worrying about what you say upsets her. Why? Because it will be impossible for her to think you are trying to impress her and win her back.

    Being nice and funny can get a woman to smell that a mile away. It gives her the feeling you're trying to get back in her life and is only confirmed when you set a meet date prematurely.

    Actually...you haven't said much about why she broke up with you. Or the dynamics of the relationship. Please do tell
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  2. #12
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    you mean the text that acknowledges my mistakes? Right, i agree that it's a bad sign that she's not responding positively to my efforts of meeting up.

    yeah, you're right. she's the type that likes to be chased. The first time round, i didn't have to spend much of an effort to get her. And during the course of our relationship, she has been pretty honest about that. She told me frankly that she felt as if she got together with me too easily. and asked if one day she wants me to "chase" her back, would I do it?

    Well, i have tried to follow some of these advice/guides closely but honestly, i don't know if she is willing to chase me back.

    I have put some focus on myself. Improved my facial complexion, tone up a little, about to join a martial arts gym, and did some self-reflection on what i did wrong.

    So... you're saying i shouldn't give her the feeling that i'm trying to get her back in my life? So that changes the dynamics and make her "chase" me instead?

    Yeap, i haven't explained much but here goes. The reason she left me was because she felt very hurt, and was afraid of getting hurt further thus, suggested the split.

    Throughout the course of the relationship, she felt as if it was a one-sided love, where she opens her heart and declare her love for me very often, while i kinda keep stuffs to myself and didn't show my affection as much. During that period, i was very busy with work and she complained how we're not spending enough time together. I often went out with my mates instead of with her (though i still make time for her - just not as much).
    This made her felt hurt, abandoned and feels neglected. She kept believing that things would become better but it didn't and over time, she just couldn't take it anymore. She feels as if she was always the one compromising but not me. And how it was always about how "I Feel" and not how "She feels"
    i didn't understood these stuffs until i came into all these pua stuffs, where i learnt that women think on a emotional level.

    Now, if i were to get her back, i would better manage my time (especially now that my work is not that hectic), and bring her along to hang out together with my mates and compromise with her better.

    Reasons why i think she's reluctant to meet up is because i have lost her trust (like i said above) and she's afraid/cautious of having to feel vulnerable again. Coupled with the fact that there is a orbiter (a downgrade in my eyes) that she's has been seeing... What stage they're at now, i do not know.

  3. #13
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    This is where it gets tricky. The women who feel very strongly about being chased can out wait any guy so you can't afford to sit in the corner until she calls you to meet up. You'll be waiting a very....long....time .

    So you're going to have to learn to TRICK her into chasing you. To where she doesn't know she's doing it and thinks you're doing all the chasing. How? I'm talking about push/pull my friend. It's my personal favorite. It sends mixed signals and builds up Tension. Even sexual tension.

    It's about emotionally pushing her away (and physically) so that you can emotionally pull her in. There's plenty of info around about it so I suggest you start researching. Swingcat is a good place to look.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #14
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    Yeap Yeap, i guess the traditional way of "waiting / nc till she contact you" doesn't really work in my case.

    It's gonna be tough trying to trick her into chasing me since she's still so cautious about meeting me. It would have been easier had she agreed to meet up for lunch.
    Hmmm, let me know if this is a good example of a push/pull. i.e if we managed to meet up for a casual meal, i would end the meetup first(saying i needa go somewhere and that i enjoyed the meal).
    Now that you mentioned, The first time round, i think i was doing some of these push/pull unconciously which made her fall head over heels for me.

    that said, i probably shouln't worry too much/ put too much focus about her dating the orbiter right

    By swingcat, u meant the ebook "real world seduction"?

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    That's a good example of push/pull. If you want to add more pull then say "I really wish I could stay, but....."

    No, do not focus on the orbiter and yes, it's called Real World Seduction.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #16
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    ADD ON: i actually went ahead and send her a text the other day seeing how that day was an anniversary after we first met, reminiscing the crazy things that happened that day.

    i guess i'll be back to NC from now on.

    Meanwhile, i'll work on my inner game, pursue more activities and hobbies while at the same time study about swingcat's Real World Seduction.

    Thanks Dark Knight

  7. #17
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    I've got this urge to question her about the orbiter, ask if they are together. That downgrade probably became her emotional tampon, which no doubt made them become closer, after I kept pushing her away by being kinda "emotionally unavailable" to her. No idea if dude's got friendzoned though.

    It probably doesn't matter much anyway right, seeing that i should just continue concentrating on myself and "move on". i probably shouldn't ask right?

    i guess self-control is a Key component as well

  8. #18
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    No do not ask about the orbiter. I'm sure you know the basics as to why, but let me give you some extra perspective.

    You have to accept the idea that some things are better left unknown. There are going to be times where you don't have closure or simple answers, and you have to learn to let it go. I personally have some really nagging questions about some of my exes that I will probably never know. There's even one ex that I have no idea why we broke up even to this day. But I don't think to contact her and ask. I just accept that I'll never know.

    I don't even try to control my emotions. I simply accept them. And realize you have control over your actions based on those emotions, and not the emotions themselves.

    No good could come from knowing if she did something or not. Try to control your focus and switch it to you....or another woman. It'll help balance you out so you aren't tryig to analyze every little thing she does.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  9. #19
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    Yes, i know i will come across as insecure, and questioning her will further push her away from me i guess.

    The reason why i got this raging urge to ask her is to no.1 hear the truth from her mouth. 2. i am suspicious and a little bitter about this guy.
    I actually saw the orbiter twice. Once was a day right after we quarrelled, and she told me that was just a "Friend". i'd admit i was acting like an AFC at that point and suspected something was going on.

    The second time i saw him was when i was shopping. i man-ed up and went over to say hi to the both of them, and actually shook the guy's hand and was cool about the encounter. The orbiter was actually abit taken aback by my demeanour and boy, was his handshake weak.

    With him spending so much time w my ex so soon after we suggested the "time off/split", it would be easy for him to pull a BF Destroyer on me even though he looks like an AFC.


    "You have to accept the idea that some things are better left unknown. There are going to be times where you don't have closure or simple answers, and you have to learn to let it go."

    "I don't even try to control my emotions. I simply accept them."


    woah Batman, i feel your words speaking to me and it feels.... therapeutic; like an enlightenment of some sort. It actually makes me feel better. Im gonna try to put her off my mind/forget her for these 1-2 week before i decide my next step of action

  10. #20
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    I know you have the urge. It's a fragile situation right now. Would it be easier just to assume they banged already? Rather than HOPING nothing happened? I know for me I'd rather assume she did something and find out later she didn't than vice versa.

    Also what may happen is that she has her fun and realizes she lost something good (not a guaranteed result, mind you) and that's when you make her work to win you back.

    If she does realize she lost something good then it's better that you don't know what she did. Otherwise it'll be in the back of your head and will bother you. Then she could possibly have the power because she did something, you know about it, and still took her back. For me, I'd totally play dumb and not even ask if she did anything.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."


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