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Thread: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

  1. #21
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    Yeah, you're right. While i chose to believe her, at the back of my mind i wouldn't be surprised if they have a thing going on. Though, i would be lying if i say i wouldn't be disappointed

    Yes, after the break, i never got nasty on her once (though i definitely showed traits of a Beta Bitch right after the split). Which is what makes me think that i still stand a chance. We definitely had some good times together. If nothing, at least the sex is great we did some kinky and adventurous stuff together. i basically made her so horny at times that she's begging me for e sex. (which is why i think she's cautious to meeting up with me; afraid of getting sucked into me too fast too soon again)

    I know for me I'd rather assume she did something and find out later she didn't than vice versa.
    Yeah.... if i do get back with her, i wouldn't want the thought of her being "used" by others and then getting back with me to play on my mind all the time . I do get what you mean; not to get my hopes high and then get disappointed/crushed later on.

    But that is also the reason for the urge. To either get closure or to know it is right to continue harbouring hopes of getting back together. Or to know if i should just give it up. To know if i should continue to "plan" my course of battle.

    But like u said, it's a delicate situation and if i make more mistakes, i might just push her away for good.

    p.s. i am saying all these as a venue to voice out my emotions and pen my thoughts. It actually makes me feel better.

  2. #22
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    Update: so few weeks have past and I'm having more control and focus on myself. Definitely had some "me" time to whatever da heck I wanted.

    So her birthday recently passed and I actually went to get her a gift. Nothing too extravagant, but would definitely connect to her on an emotional level. Along with te gift is a small note. Tone of the note was light and cheerful. (nothing of the "I still miss you" "ILU", etc ).
    Seeing how I wanted the gift to be a "surprise" I went to her place and passed it to her mom instead of personally (no idea if that's good or bad, thoughts?)

    Now, after the gift she was definitely grateful for it and thanked me through text. Over the course of the next 2 days she actually gave me "glimmer of hope" when her texts/reply were pretty long (showed some investment). But all of a sudden she didn't reply. And thus, I didn't want to double text and I left it at that. Didn't even wish her merry Xmas even though she probably kinda expect ME to wish her first.

    Fast forward a few days and I see how she posted a photo of her and the "orbiter" on social media. She used to avoid posting stuffs of them doing things together for the past few weeks (even though I know they are meeting up). So I don't know if she finally got over herself and everything and have the confidence to post things (like photo, places check in) online.
    Now now I am thinking what my next step should be. Assuming she has lied and that they are indeed together now, how do I go about it. How to execute a BF destroyer from an ex point of view. Even if we can't be together, I would still like to keep her as a FBuddy as our xxx was pretty good.

    I'm thinking at this stage, should I go for "emotional honesty" whereby I write my expectations, heartfelt thinking and emotions as well as my mistakes in a letter. And see what's her response to that?

  3. #23
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    Wow, its been a year! anyway guys, here's the latest update to my story....

    So, in the year that past, if you have been reading this thread, my ex INDEED got together with the orbiter that i mentioned. However, they broke up (get into that later) as i would expect of a rebound.

    That said, in the past year, i have been focusing only on myself, getting new hobbies/sports ; travelling to many places. All these self-improvement definitely made my ex notice as she liked many of my travel photos and got in touch with me saying how she wished she could go to those places too.

    Things started to get more interesting in October, when she was feeling at her utmost stressed and contacted me on several occasions. Sometimes, she called me and we talked over the phone for long durations. She thanked me for "talking" to her (i guess it helped her destress) We eventually met up and the date went fine and sweet even though there was only "light" stuffs (Kino,etc) going on. We exchanged info on the on-goings in our lives and that's when she told me she broke up awhile back and how she was trying to get out of that r/s for quite awhile

    In nov, we started texting each other again and had those phone calls again. Sometimes, she even did things (ioi?) like asking me to wake her up and stuff. Things start to be great again, and just when i was thinking to escalate stuff, suddenly things seemed to have changed.

    Nowadays, she ain't that stressed anymore and have much more free time and IM SURE she's dating orbiters (at least 1 or 2). Our texts seemed to be less frequent and sometimes when i asked her out, she seemed to be occupied/have something on already (partially because most of the time i asked too impromtu) although she does offer another day when she is free in return.
    I am curious as to how she's feeling/interest level as well as if she is interested in somebody else but i know i can't ask such questions or i'll blow it.

    Now, anyone knows how to Escalate / improve the situation and take things to the next level?
    Her birthday is coming up.... so i have a chance to do something if i want to... I'm thinking of giving her a surprise as well as a memorable (need not be costly) gift. Thoughts?

  4. #24
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    Hey man, your routing yourself in the friendzone with how your handling this.amplify attraction more...

  5. #25
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    yes you are right. i think she kinda used me as an "option" when she was at her utmost stressed state or when she is feeling lonely. That said i don't think it is that easy for an ex to fall completely into the friendzone as residual feelings will submerge no matter how.

    How do i amplify the attraction with her

  6. #26
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    For your dynamic..
    Check the content of material.topics to talk about are relationship dynamics,movies,plac es you been,past experiences,unique childhood memories.within these talk about the blissful side of things.ask her about her experiences too and relate by making statements.
    Childhood memories:talk about how you learnt to do a new thing,may not have been easy but overcame,then in turn ask her about challenges she had.
    Places you been:how you went someplace it it felt great to finally arrive in there.almost everything felt new.girls were friendly even guys too.etc.
    After delivering a couple of these you will increase attraction if properly executed.once you get the IOIs. Ask what are you doing now?
    If she says nothing.state meet me at x place @ xx time.if she says cool(agrees) continue the convo for a bit then eject later.just dont keep long in the interaction..

  7. #27
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    Thank you for the reply.
    We have met up quite a few times recently, the last one being yesterday.
    Topics/content we talked about included relationship dynamics, how she dated a few guys but didnt work out.... she also said a few things to imply that she is currently single. When we were talking about ex's and past r/s she suddenly said that it's good to be friends, like we are now (fuck friendzone??) because friendship is more valuable/manageable/substantial to her.

    Then this is where it gets interesting..., i casually asked if she wanna do something casual (i.e. exercise cause i love sports) this weekend without giving thought to her upcoming birthday. She replied saying "no.... i... don't wanna..." (despite saying she should exercise more). I then casually asked "Oh but i thought you said you want to exercise?" That's when she said "But it's my birthday! its coming up this weeekend". Hahahaha i held that conversation without giving thought to her birthday even though i knew it was coming up ("casually forgot"). Then when i asked if she had planned smth for her bday, she said maybe just meet up with friends on certain dates (she told me the dates where shes not free, funny thing is she said she "forgot" who she is meeting on those days) This is when i again tease her, "oh must be going out dating righttt~" To that she replied (awhile later), so what if i am really going out on dates, you will mind?". I just laughed it off. For the actual day she said these days birthdays are not that special anymore blah blah and that she might wanna stay at home (waiting/hoping for some1 to surprise her?)

    see, the thing is she suddenly reconnected to me (ioi?) just when i thought i have forgotten her/ moved on, i learnt new sports (scuba) and been to many places lately (Like you mentioned above HARDROCK), and she made all these well of emotions to surface again. Some days, she might go a few days without talking to me and then the next moment asked me for a meal (things like that will surely make my mind wander...)

  8. #28
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    Hmm..
    In this dynamic talking about relationship dynamics and drifting on to exes may not be best since you guys dated.
    Avoid getting her stuff for her birthday.focus on bringing her in.may present content here..

  9. #29
    jackerson is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    wow, so i shouldn't get her anything? what do you mean by focusing on bringing her in...?

  10. #30
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Broke nc, ADVICE on next step (reconnecting)

    May need to focus on escalation more..if you must go get something say food it becos you are both hungry and have been hanging.invite her over.kiss close at least.


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