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Thread: What to do now - how do I get her back?

  1. #1
    BlazerFan is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default What to do now - how do I get her back?

    Hey guys I'm new here. First post. I slammed a lot of tail in college and after college. Ive had a few serious relationships. Here is the relationship history. We are both 29. Its been 2 years since we met. I come from a privileged good family with 2 loving parents. She had it kinda tuff with a single mom who was not always there and a little crazy. She she has a tuff independent side (which gives her an advantage here I believe)

    BY THE WAY SORRY FOR THE LONG POST. Wanted to include everything.

    About 2 years ago I met this girl thru my room mates GF. It was at a bar and I was pretty wasted. We ended up flirting and exchanging numbers. She texted me a few days later asking me how I was. After a few dates we moved fast and she was sleeping at my place every night. She was freshly divorced so she didn't want to rush into a relationship so we didn't put a label on it for a while and I played it cool like I didn't care and waited for her initiate it. The sex was great. She said she never had a sexual connection like we had before. We fell hard and fast for each other. Things were going great.

    Then I had a knee injury and was prescribed painkillers about 6 months into the relationship. Got addicted. She saw me thru the problem but my attitude towards her was bad during this time. When I got off them I was very irritable and not a great BF after being the best she ever had before. But... we were still together and things were getting better. Right after this she got a job promotion in LA (also her home town). We were living in portland, oregon at the time. We talked about it and I was going to move down there a few months after she went down. She would stay with her grandparents till we found a place. When she left I fell back into addiction. She found out, broke up with me, and I went to rehab. In the short time after her breaking up with me and going to rehab I made all the mistakes of calling and texting her all the time, writing love letters, and begging for her. She called me a few times in rehab. I acted desperate each time and made all the common mistakes. However I stopped talking to her 2 weeks in (rehab was 28 days) After I got out I didn't contact her. She emailed me a few times but that was it. I kept it short and sweet. Well, then about 5-6 weeks after rehab she texts me and says she misses me and wants to visit. She visits a few weeks later for the weekend and things go great. After a few more great visits over the course of 4 months I moved to LA. (I was able to transfer with in the company to an LA location). One thing that happened was she lied about dating anyone while apart. I asked and she said no. Then 2 weeks later came clean about it and said it made her really miss me and she dumped the dude.

    Heres the kicker... I relapsed for the last month and a half before I went to LA. When I arrived in February I was having bad withdrawals. They lasted 2 weeks. It was awful. She was suspicious and found out the truth thru a member of my family and got really pissed. She said I violated her trust which I did. She said If I did one more thing that was it. I went to drug counseling for a few months at her request and from then on I have been fine (no pills). She never could let go of that. She was always angry about it on the inside. I used to party a lot and she would say I was irresponsible and haven't changed and blah blah blah. Aside from that things were going pretty well. We really loved each other a lot and had fun hanging out. Best friends and lovers. We had arguments from time to time. Then I got drunk at her friends b-day party. I got way too drunk and blacked out. Big mistake. Was just fuel for her accusations that I hadn't changed (even tho I never drink anymore). On the way home she punched me and gave me a black eye and I got out of the car on the freeway. Got a cab home and caught the next flight home to portland. At first she wanted to talk about how we could work thru this. Then we had a fight about me leaving my car parked in the one spot we had. She went crazy threatening to tow it and everything. I didn't want it out on the street for 2 weeks straight. We live in a shady area. It would get stolen. Plus it would get tickets. Decided it was best if she moved out.

    When I got back 2 weeks later she was still there, but had found a place. She couldn't move in for another 3 weeks. Those were the best 3 weeks ever. We got along great. Had good sex and intimacy. We were both confused. I ended up letting her move out with out much of a fight (mistake). After she moved out she continued seeing me and spending the night a lot. This lasted a little over a month. Somewhere in that month she got the power. All the sudden I wanted her back more than she wanted me. She was acting like my GF but refused to say she wanted to be my GF. I felt used. I felt pathetic. But I really love this girl! I even bought her some new furniture for her apartment because in her eyes its my fault she moved out and costed her this money. When I would try to talk about "us" she would get mad and pull away which made me push harder. I was kissing her ass big time. I was really confused. But she was spending so much time with me I knew she wasn't seeing anyone else.

    Then I got suspicious she had an online dating acct. While we were laying in bed I checked plenty of fish and there she was. I made an acct quick and messaged her something like "wow this is interesting" 3 minutes later she got the message by email on her phone and stormed out calling me a stalker and psycho and everything else. She also mentioned it was a joke between her and a friend or some bullsh1t. That was it she said. I was amazed... How do I not have a right to be upset she has an online dating acct while she's hanging out with me all the time ACTING like my GF but saying she's not. The next few days I made every mistake in the book. Sent a love letter, sent flowers, begged and pleaded. She finally told me to leave her alone. One good thing happened, she cancelled her dating profile. Then I researched online how to get ex back and bought some good ebooks. (Ex2 system, Magic of making up, The get her back formula) Right after that I went into no contact after sending this email:

    Hey I realize that I have been way too dramatic. I reflected alot and I agree the break up is a good idea and that last Sunday had to happen. You are right u weren't my girlfriend and u were clear about that. Things are starting to look up for me and I'm working out hitting meetings and feeling good. I may have even found a reason to stay in LA. I AM sorry for lying about using in Portland and detoxing here. It was wrong. I wish you all the best and maybe someday we can even be friends.

    Good luck

    Since that email (which I got no reply to) We haven't had contact for 6 days. Yesterday I checked the dating site (POF) and she was back on there. Profile was pretty much blank except for a few pictures. Said she wants to date but nothing serious. So, I decided to make one. I made a good profile with attractive pics and witty content. I never messaged her but she had to have seen it. I wanted her to see me and get jealous. Tonight I decided to delete the profile because I was obsessing over it. I was always logging in to see if she was online and she was ALWAYS online. Even tho I was macking few decent broads I didn't care. That was a few hours ago.... I have some big decisions to make. Go back to Portland where all my friends and family are or stay here. If I didn't ultimately want to marry this girl I would leave. She came back once. Will she come back again? Im trying hard to move on. Hitting the gym, hanging out with the 2 friends I have here, I even initiated contact with a girl I barely knew from college that lives here. She remembered me even tho we never really spoke and said we should go for a drink sometime (I had quite a reputation) I want my ex girl back bad. I can't stress it enough how much I truly love her and want her back for good. I have had 3 previous relationships but this is so different in terms of the strength of love I feel for her. I would do ANYTHING at this point. Its been 6 days no contact. I also want to make it clear I haven't touched a pill since before I moved to LA. Totally clean and sober.

    What next???????

  2. #2
    BlazerFan is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What to do now - how do I get her back?

    You guys must be as baffled as me... Does anyone have any advice for me at all? Do I need to clear anything up or give more information?

  3. #3
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What to do now - how do I get her back?

    Eesh, that is a tough one... no contact for a month and see what happens I say. No need to rush things as that hasn't helped. Also, work on yourself during this time, like really focus on your shit and being a better person.

    PS. I am in Portland, and the Blazers whooped some preseason ass on the Lakers

  4. #4
    BlazerFan is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What to do now - how do I get her back?

    Any other ideas? I'm gavin a hard time with this one...

  5. #5
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    Default Re: What to do now - how do I get her back?

    Wow this is heavy. If you've read Ex2 System then you already know that it's easy to get her back. Its the keeping her part that is hard. And you are obviously not in the right condition to handle her the way you can once you clear your head. It takes roughly 3 weeks for her to contact you so hang in there. Once a month goes by you are able to contact her. That's also in Matt Huston's book.

    You already know theres a lot of work you need to do on yourself. So take this time to focus on that. Once you are able to truly let her go then you are ready to contact her. That may be more than a month though. Still...hang in there man and 3 weeks will be long to her to and she will likely contact you. Trust me.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
    baltazar is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: What to do now - how do I get her back?

    huh, bro u have to be strong. listen BatMan, he is right ... when u become ready to let her go, then u can contact her without being afraid of rejection. Month of NC is like a year, but u have to do that. During that time work on yourself, be better person, go out. And i think that would be better for you if you stop looking at her profile (dating sites, facebook, etc)

  7. #7
    BlazerFan is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What to do now - how do I get her back?

    I've been going out, hitting the gym, I've got a date planned tomorrow night. I have has minor contact twice but it about our cable bill and getting the name transferred over. One sentence emails. Strictly business. Once was today. But that doesn't really count right?

  8. #8
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do now - how do I get her back?

    Any contact counts. Doesn't matter how little. Just go back and reread Matt Huston's book. He mentions in there about not looking at her pro and whatnot. Follow it exactly. I did and that's how I got my ex back. But I had to first let her go completely so I could interact with a clear head.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  9. #9
    baltazar is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: What to do now - how do I get her back?

    yeah, clear head, thats what u need. Next time when u meet her she will see how strong u are, alpha male :P I think, if your head is not clear about her, that every time met her, you will be weak ;(

  10. #10
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: What to do now - how do I get her back?

    Plus understand that doing nothing is still doing something. You think she's not thinking about you? She is. You think she's not wondering why you haven't called and what you're up to? She is. You're giving her the emotional and physical space she needs right now. Any interference from you jeopardizes that. You have to trust the power of absence. It makes the heart grow fonder.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."


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