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Thread: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

  1. #11
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Limited contact in your situation would be the only way that you could somewhat effectively freeze him out. Tell him you think it's best if you two didn't speak about anything other than the kids for now. This will give him time to miss you.

    Then, do all of the things I mentioned before. You don't have to date if you don't want to but you can at least get out of the house and be a little mysterious as to exactly where you're at and what you're doing. I will tell you though that the quickest way to correct his behavior would be to date another man. Well, at least get out of the house!

    Tell him you need him to watch the kids on a planned day because you're going out with a "friend". If he tries to ask you just who your going out with remind him that this is what he wanted and it's none of his business now who you see. Correct him when he tries to break lc. Basically just play hard to get... I'm sure this won't be difficult for you to do.

    The only problem with all of this is that it is emotionally exhausting and it delays healing time. You'll feel like you have one foot in the door and one out of it. But, I understand that marriage is much more serious than your average relationship--serious enough to fight for. Remember though to take care of yourself. Get some "you" time in.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  2. #12
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    The old double-take... Of course it means something. He saw you looking good and he wasn't expecting that. Nice work!!!
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  3. #13
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Quote Originally Posted by Heartbrokengirl32 View Post
    To answer the questions of if I am really in love with him it's yes with all my heart and am I afraid to be alone the answer is no I'm a very strong person I will be just fine if he does not come back I have never been and never will be needy.as far as him being happy before he left he never showed that he wasn't everyone that knows us family and friends was shocked that he did this me and the kids have alway been his priority.I understand the dhv but do not understand the dlv can you explain that a little more?and also what is a ioi?my thought on him not looking at me when I talk to him is he can't face what he is doing to me or that he does not want to admit that he still loves me.today I had to take my daughter to his house to get her stuff I stayed outside he came out I saw him take a double look at me I made sure I looked great I also have went from 142lbs to 122lbs in just 2 months do you think the double look he gave me means anything?
    -yes the double look is an Indicator Of Intrest (ioi)
    -that's exactly what u should do, look u're best (a form of DHV)
    -if dhv is demonstrating high value and dlv is it's opposite then what do u thik the l stands for? low dlv is a demonstration of low value so when i tellu dlv him i'm telling u to neg him
    -what batman and skicat wrote btw about challenging and what not. It's true, doing that is u DHV'ing urself and making him jump through hoops for you
    -are u sure u're inner game is that tight?
    P.S: i prefer u answer me in bullet points and not paragraphs
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
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  4. #14
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Please, respect yourself.

    What will your kids think when they grow old enough to truly understand? You have, for all intents and purposes, been disrespected and degraded in the absolute worst way and to the fullest extent possible. How can you honestly expect to take that hit all the while maintaining your own integrity?

    My mom is a pretty passive person, but she does know how to stand up for herself and will do so when the time calls. Because of that I have a certain respect for her that will never apply to my father.

    Love yourself and love your children.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  5. #15
    Heartbrokengirl32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Ok I want to keep updates so I will try to keep them short I went out last night with friends my oldest daughter was at my husbands house she text me she needed some Advil and her dad and his girlfriend was sleeping my friend was too drunk to drive me there so her husbands friend drove me my daughter came out got the Advil and when we was pulling away my husband looked out the door and saw me in the truck with another guy the look on his face was priceless because he knows I'm not that kinda person is now the time to tell him I only want to talk if it's about the kids?

  6. #16
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Wait until he tries to speak with you about anything that doesn't involve business or the kids and then tell him. You have to be ice-cold here. If there's one thing that baffles men and drives them nuts it's when an ex goes cold on them. They start to wonder "is this bothering her at all, wtf?". Act like you don't care anymore and don't underestimate changing your hairstyle. There's something about when a woman makes a change to herself after the break-up that drives us crazy. Maybe it's because we see them moving on making changes and we're no longer a part of any of it. Nice move being seen with another guy. You're now creating competitive anxiety.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  7. #17
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Great job.
    im with liukang 75 on this one.
    I have a question and this is purly curiousity :what do u're friends tell u to do?
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  8. #18
    Heartbrokengirl32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    My friends tell me to move on and not take him back but they are not me and I believe it's my choice so they are no help at all.I do believe I made him jealous he text me and said if I of need anything ask my new man I text him back and said that's none of your business your the one that wanted this.so I hope that was the right thing for me to say he responded back with he will get the rest of his stuff from the house this week

  9. #19
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    He was fishing to see who that guy was to you. Great job on being vague. He just flashed his cards for a second and let you see his hand. He's obviously jealous which is a great sign that he still has very strong feelings for you. There are no guarantees that this will work but you're increasing your chances by doing what your doing so don't worry. Stick to your guns
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  10. #20
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Quote Originally Posted by liukang75 View Post
    Wait until he tries to speak with you about anything that doesn't involve business or the kids and then tell him. You have to be ice-cold here.
    I'm not sure I agree with this 100%. You just struck a jealous nerve. I think you should keep the lines of communicationn open to a certain extent. You just gave him a huge push, now give him a little pull. (Push/Pull) Don't rush him to get his things out of the house. Just say "it's up to you, get what you want, when you want, there's no rush". It's easy for your friends to tell you to forget him and not look back. They're not in your shoes. In the end, no matter how it works out for you....you and this man will always share children, grandchildren. I hope it works out for you and your family, but if it don't keep it cordial for the obvious reasons.


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