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Thread: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

  1. #31
    Forthedream is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Any woman finding and actually asking advice here deserves my respect.
    And gj guys, I dont think she really needed any advice cause she is a woman and knows the game by default but it all worked out well in the end.
    But here are a few thoughts -
    1. "I dont hate you for what you did, I hate that I can never trust you again.
    This may seem like I being too harsh but will you ever be dumb enough to trust him? Not a SINGLE person I know of has ever not betrayed a second time. This is why being a good friend/mate is so difficult. Once poison is in your brain you will never better yourself but thats just my opinion.
    2. How did you feel all this time? Better without him or? I understand its really difficult to find someone else when ou have kids.
    3. Make sure he understands that its not something that can be solved with a 'sorry'. Possibly Destroying someones future isnt a little mistake. Make sure he will win you over like he did 17 years ago and understands that this can never happen again or there wont be any continuation.

    I'm bitter as **** cause I had the absolute perfect girl for me go back to her ex cause '7 years together is a really long time and its not about love anymore, I really tried but I just cant do it'. And getting more girls doesnt seem to be making it better.

  2. #32
    Heartbrokengirl32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Update I thought things was going good he came and fixed a couple things in the house didnt stay long though then today he finally told me what he ment by I was right and he was wrong he said he should have fixed the problems he had in our relationship a long time ago then he said he has gone to far to turn back now does anyone know what he could mean by he has gone to far to turn back now?I'm very confused now and just can't figure out what's going on.

  3. #33
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    He basically is trying to get you to tell him why he should try and come back. He doesn't want to do the work himself to get you back.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #34
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Yes he wants you to beg and plead with him to come back and then he has the upper hand while you are displaying neediness. So if and when he does come back after he's had his fling, then nothing has changed, and will probably do it again because he will blame you for not trying. This is where strength comes in make him sweat and do some work and you stick to your guns, and what you have accomplished over past few weeks. It won't be easy but if you go back to the old ways he will just walk all over you.

  5. #35
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Agree with the above, tell him in a non chalant way then don't. Say it as if u really don't care what he does that will make him go crazy.
    It's weird, i thought u girls were supposed to be masters of this stuff
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  6. #36
    Heartbrokengirl32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Thanks guys I would be lost without you.This is my first time trying to get someone back so I really don't have any idea what I'm doing and he is so confusing one day he acts like he wants to come back the next day he don't maybe he is just better at this then I am. But I have realized what went wrong in our relationship I got too comfortable in thinking he would never leave that I overlooked problems we had or just didn't see them at all. I'm not going to beg him to come back I want it to be him that wants to come back but should I let him know he does have the option to come back?

  7. #37
    liukang75 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    I don't think that you should let him know that he could come back whenever he wants. He has to feel that he might lose you if he doesn't hurry up and make a move. I get the feeling that he knows that he could get you back in a heartbeat and that's not good. He has to feel fear of loss in order for him to come to his senses.

    To be honest with you, I think that you should focus on moving on with your life. Usually when an ex sees that you're suddenly moving on without them they want you again. It seems to be a reoccurring theme with break-up's whether it's the guy or the girl that left. They alway's want you back again when you really start to move on and let go. So, my advice is to start moving on.
    “The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not to be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take its course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.” -Bruce Lee

  8. #38
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Stay strong but don't be a bitch about it. Keep the lines of communication open and moving forward. Ask him if this is what he wants to teach his children? That it's ok for a man to abandon his wife and children to go shack up with some bimbo? Does he want his son(s) to treat their wives and children this same way? Does he want his daughter(s) to be subjected to this same kind of behavior? Does he want his daughter(s) to be the bimbo that some older man is shacking up with? Tell him to grow a set of balls, be a man and take care of his family! This is important, he's the man, the husband, the father, which makes him the leader of his family! Don't think you're off the hook here either lady...cause you're not! It took both of you to break your marrige. I'm happy to finally see in your post that you're admitting your fault in negecting your marriage. When you're husband sees he's just as guilty and owns up to it, you two can start working toward reconciliation. In the mean time you could start going to see a marriage counsilor on your own. If your husband has any compassion and love for you and your children he will soon follow.

  9. #39
    Heartbrokengirl32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Skicat thanks i was already thinking of them questions but didn't know if i should ask him.I did text him those questions last night and also told him to grow a set of balls he didn't text me back until this morning and he said it does hurt him that he did this to us and he can't go back in time and change it and can't come back because him ,me or anyone else can forget about what he did and he don't want to live with people talking behind his back for the rest of his life and atleast this way he don't need to see them.hope he changes his mind about feeling this way I told him people would think more of him if he was a real man and took care of his family hope I got him thinking straight.

  10. #40
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    Default Re: Need help husband of 17 years left for someone else please read!

    Quote Originally Posted by Heartbrokengirl32 View Post
    Skicat thanks i was already thinking of them questions but didn't know if i should ask him.I did text him those questions last night and also told him to grow a set of balls he didn't text me back until this morning and he said it does hurt him that he did this to us and he can't go back in time and change it and can't come back because him ,me or anyone else can forget about what he did and he don't want to live with people talking behind his back for the rest of his life and atleast this way he don't need to see them.hope he changes his mind about feeling this way I told him people would think more of him if he was a real man and took care of his family hope I got him thinking straight.
    You're 100% right on this. No matter who you are or what you've done people will have more respect for you if you admit your guilt and do the right thing. Remind him of that from time to time.


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